Sneaking in a post ...

I am bound to get into trouble for this but hey I very rarely take a lunch or the breaks I am supposed to.

Just a quick update to say that my Senators office sucks just as bad as my Congressmans office. No answers from anyone on the housing stuff. Just telling me to try the hud website.

I spent most of my weekend looking at jobs and found one that I am very interested in. Of course the closing date is for today. I was up until 1:30 this morning working on supplemental questions, cover letter and updating job history with more details. I also contacted a friend that works their and asked if he knew anyone that could help me out.

I am crossing my fingers that it will work out. I love love love my job here but the pay is not working for me at all. Also working 9 months out of 12 is not helping either. I don't want to leave my job here but I need to find a way to save my house.

Ok back to work for me ... Tonight is busy with Hip Hop class and 3 papers that need to be written.

Thank you ...

Thank you for the comments left on my last post. They meant so much to me. I debated about even publishing the post. I debated if I should take it down. It is not like me to let that kind of stuff out to other people ... or in this case to anyone that may come along and read my blog. I have a few close friends that know my struggles and I don't tell them everything.

Writing has helped me to deal with so many things in my life yet I still feel that I can't fully express myself. I worry what others may think if they read it. Will they judge me? Will they call me names and tell me I am wrong? Will they look down on me? Gee You think I might be a little insecure?

Why do I keep censoring myself when I really want to open up? I wrote my post yesterday to release the anger, frustration and fear. I kept thinking to myself as I was writing to just delete it. No one will ever see it. But I couldn't delete it. My fingers kept typing and I started to feel a little better. It felt good to just let it all out. It isn't the prettiest post but it is how I felt at that moment and I am glad I released it.

I found that going to my dance class last night helped also. I was feeling frustrated by the class last week and feeling like I couldn't do that dang dance. I took all of my frustration that I was feeling about the class and what happened yesterday and put it into the dance. Guess what?? I can do the dance!!! It is not perfect and I am sure it is not super pretty but I can do it. I can do it to the music at the fast pace and not just one step at a time.

I was still feeling a bit upset when I got home from class last night. What I really wanted to do was go buy some beer (kids are with dad) and a pack of cigarettes (I quit in November) and be pissed off and cry. Instead I decided to run. I was dressed for it already so I grabbed Mini-me's Ipod and ran.

The crazy part of this is ... I am not a runner. I have always wanted to run but my asthma gets in the way. Last night I ran and then walked and repeated the pattern for almost a half hour. It felt so good. The last few times I have been upset about things I have wanted to run. Run to escape everything. Run to clear out my mind. Run because I felt it would help. Run so that I wouldn't drink or smoke. I could picture myself running the last few times I was upset but never did it because I thought I would fail. I didn't fail!! I didn't fail!! I did it. I ran. It was not perfect or what others may call running but it was to me and I felt great. I will do it again and again and I won't be afraid of failing.

It would have been so easy to get the beer and cigarettes last night. I am so glad I didn't. Not that I am an alcoholic or anything like that. ;) But in the past when dealing with crappy things I have turned to those things thinking they would help me get through it. Instead they always made me feel worse. I love a good beer but I want to enjoy my beer not use it as a numbing agent for my crappy times.

I am not giving up the fight for my house. It is mine and I will fight until they take it from me or until they give up. I do not give up that easily. I mean heck I fought for my marriage for 3 years. I can fight for this house. I have been positive thinking since October and I have made it this far. I will keep on positive thinking.

I am going to give myself a pat on the back here before I head to bed. I am so proud of myself for making better choices in how I handled yesterday. I have been working on myself for almost a year now (well really a lot longer than that but the last year I have been really focusing on it). Changing habits that were unhealthy for me and for others around me. By making the choices that I did yesterday I really feel like I have grown. YAY ME!!

You have to leave the city of your comfort and go into the wilderness of your intuition. What you'll discover will be wonderful. What you'll discover is yourself. ~Alan Alda

Beautiful Days that turn to Shit ...

I should have known that my day at work was way to good to be true. I should have known that it meant that something would come along and Fuck up my day.

The mailman sucks for bringing shitty mail to my house. My ex sucks for not paying me the full amount of child support each month. Hell he fucking sucks cause he doesn't work, lives rent free with his girlfriend and goes to school full time. I would also like to add that my Mortgage company sucks. They are so not helpful with anything. The Congressman I wrote a letter to a few months ago also sucks. Really even just an acknowledgement that you received my letter would be nice. I am pretty sure I voted for your ass. Sucky people that in some way made my beautiful day turn into shit.

I am sure I will want to retract this post later and I may or may not do it. I am so Fucking pissed right now. I have been crying for an hour. The really hard crying where you cant breath and when someone tries to say something to you the tears fall even harder. This is my blog and I dont fucking care what anyone thinks of me right at this moment. I just need to vent and this is my only place to do it.

I got the notice today that my house is officially in Foreclosure. Writing that sentence makes the flood gates open up again. I have until August to figure out what the hell to do.

Really?? I work full time, raise 4 kids (pretty much alone), and go to school. I am not a druggie or an alcoholic. Fuck I gave up smoking cigarettes to live healthier. I am a good citizen. I had a great job. The ex had a great job. It all went to shit and now I am losing my home. FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!!!

I have been dealing with the mortgage company for months and can't get a straight answer out of anyone. I have called the Hope Now hotline and got the run around there also. I wrote a letter to my Congressman that went unanswered. *sigh* This new wonderful Making Home Affordable Stimulus Plan that our President has designed is looking like it won't even help me.


I just want to type like every bad word I can think of right now to get out my frustration. I want to crawl into bed and cry for the rest of the day and into the night. I want my Dad to come and fix everything like he used to. I want my Mom to fly here and hug me and tell me everything will be alright. Instead I will wash my face and walk out the door and go to class for the night. I will pretend nothing is wrong tomorrow at work and just tell everyone my puffy eyes from crying myself to sleep are allergies.


Fucking grr .... So I guess the dream I had Friday night where I met the President at the White House and he told me that my house would be mine and everything would work out really was just a dream. *sigh*

To give vent now and then to his feelings, whether of pleasure or discontent, is a great ease to a man's heart. ~Francesco Guicciardini

I'm here ... Really I am

I can't seem to catch a break the past few weeks. So after my post last Friday I was hoping my evening would be better. Heck I was hoping for a nice weekend. I did not get a nice Friday night and my weekend was confusing, painful and frustrating.

Trying to keep this all short as I have to get to sleep (which I don't seem to be getting enough of). Friday night I was going to meet Select Friend for a beer. I had 1 hour to talk with him and hang out before Mini-me needed my car to go do something. The kids were pushing each others buttons as I left the house but that is nothing new when I want to leave to do something by myself.

I was not even to the end of the street when Mini-me calls my cell crying and tells me that I have to come back right now. I ask why and she informs me that Little Mans head is bleeding all over. I wish I could say that I was very patient and calm but I was actually pissed off. I did my share of yelling at them.

When I walked in I found Mini-me and Little Man on the kitchen floor both crying. She was holding a wet wash cloth to his forehead. There was blood all over the floor, his hand and his shirt. Turtle was standing there looking helpless. I made the girls clean up the mess in the kitchen while I took Little Man into the bathroom to clean him up and see if a trip to Urgent Care was going to be needed. Of course it was going to be needed as that is my life. The Dr. did not stitch him up or even use liquid stitches (which I really wish he would of). No he used some tape and pinched it together and said that should do it. GRR Little Man has a good scar now right at the edge of his right eye brow.

So I guess what happened was Little Man wanted to call me right after I pulled out of the driveway. Mini-me was pissed at him so she "tossed" him the cell phone that was on the counter and it hit him in the face. Let's just say this mom does not believe that the phone was tossed and I let all of my kids know just how angry I was with them. Really I just wanted 1 hour of time with a friend to talk. It could of been worse ... so I will be thankful it wasn't. (I just reread the last few lines and I feel like a selfish mom in a way. Makes me sad.)

Saturday I ran away from home and went up to see The Jeans. (The kids were going to their dads for the night and for Easter.) I debated the entire week if I should go and see him. I am very confused and frustrated with the way things are going between us. This really is a story all in itself for another time. We spent a few short hours together before he left for work for the night. It was very weird to be in his place all by myself. My intention was to do my homework. I put it off until midnight as I was struggling with a paper I had to write. I cleaned his kitchen and made his bed instead. I am really good at procrastinating.

He came home from work the next morning and we talked for a bit and had a bit of fun. ;) Which left me feeling overwhelmed with emotions I was not ready for and could not handle. I left his house upset and crying. Driving home for 2 hours gave me a lot to think about. I am still not sure where we stand. However I do know that he cares enough to offer me money to pay my Emergency room visit co-pay.

Oh yes lucky me was home long enough to make the Easter ham and pull it out of the oven before I turned to Mini-me and told her that I needed to go to the Emergency room. I get UTI's and Kidney infections very easily. This one came on so fast and painful I literally thought I was dying. Only 45 minutes spent in the ER. Lots of good drugs to keep me out of work for 2 days.

Ahh I can't forget the mystery rash that appeared on Turtle on Sat. About an hour after I ran away Mini-me calls me and tells me that Turtle has a rash on her chest and her foot. I ask the usual questions what does it look like? What did she eat last? What soap did she use in the shower? (she had just taken one). Everything seemed normal and she was breathing fine. I told Mini-me to let the Ex know when he came to get them. Nothing I could do when I was already an hour away.

When I was leaving for the ER the Ex was dropping off the kids. I was floored when I saw that Turtle had a rash that covered her entire body including her face. She said it was not bothering here but I knew it meant she would be staying home on Monday (good thing I had a kidney infection and had to stay home). Took her to the Dr. on Monday to find out that she had a reaction to the Amoxicillian she was taking for the strep throat she had 10 days before. *sigh* Nine days into the medication before she had a reaction. She will not be taking that medication again.

So my work week was short as I missed Monday and Tuesday. It was crazy busy though and the kids at work were out of control. College sucks when you are sick. I managed to make it to my classes but don't remember much.

This being a single mom, working full time, and going to college thing is very time consuming. On top of all of that I am still working very hard on getting my house organized before my mom gets here. I keep reminding myself that I can do this and it will get easier. I just need to find a routine and I will be fine.

I am going to shut up now ... I really need to find a way to sleep. My mind is constantly going and I can't ever seem to shut it down. I hope to get more blogging time in this week. Really I have to blog ... to get the A grade in one of my classes I need to "journal" at least 2 times a week.

At the end of the day, a loving family should find everything forgivable. ~Mark V. Olsen and Will Sheffer, Big Love, "Easter"

Hello?? Anyone here?

When I got home the other night from work my internet was working. It has been such a long week I am finally getting around to catching up on my favorite blogs.

Wed & Thursday sucked big time. At work the kids were crazy and parents had no problem yelling at me. To top it off they are cutting 4 days off the school year for our School District so I will be out days of pay. They haven't told us what it going to happen for the next school year but it is a possibility that I may be without a job or they can cut my hours in half. *sigh* So trying not to freak out and just have peace about it all. I have made it this far and through other rough times I can get through this.

No work today as it is a grading day. Ran a ton of errands with Mini-me & Little Bird today. While we were out we passed a 4 car accident that literally happened a minute before. As we are making the turn onto the street we need to be on I tell Mini-me to stop talking about the accident as it was causing me to feel panicked (car accidents freak me out for many reasons). Just as I say that I realize that the cars in front of me are not moving and people are going around them. There was another accident.

As I go to drive around the two cars in the accident Mini-me starts freaking out that the driver of the car that ran into the other car was passed out in her car. It was just a bumper thumper accident so it was weird to Mini-me to see the lady passed out. There was a guy from the street (umm like a bum) trying to help her as the driver of the other car was calling 911 and standing next to her car. Mini-me made me pull over to go help. So I did ... I ran to the passenger side door where the street guy informed me that the lady was having a seizure. Sure enough she was. :( My first time actually viewing one and all of the things I know I am supposed to do for someone having one is flying through my head. The street guy had put her seat back and put the car in park as her foot was still on the gas. I just stood and watched her seize. Making sure there wasn't any way for her to be injured.

She came out of it and was very startled to find me in her car. Honestly she had no idea about what was going on. Normal for someone that has just had a seizure. I managed to get her to tell me her name and I explained to her that she had a seizure and help was on the way. As soon as help got there I left. Not much for me to do at that point.

The entire thing is bothering me though. I don't know if this woman has ever had a seizure but I am thinking probably not. There was a car seat in the back of the car and a bottle on the seat next to it. My mom thoughts going crazy wondering if she was on her way to get her child or if she just dropped the child off. I need to let this go as it is eating at me. I did everything that I knew how to do.

So much more I am sure I could write about but I will save that for another time.

Give your stress wings and let it fly away. ~Carin Hartness

Stupid Computers ...

For whatever reason my home computer keeps telling me I do not have an internet connection. I see the little wireless connection that says I do but it won't let me connect to Firefox at all. *sigh* Special Friend will be getting a visit from me to fix what ever it is that I think my kids messed up. They were the last ones on it Sunday and I am thinking that they did something they shouldn't have.

So here I sit at my work computer. I just finished my homework for my class tonight. Thought I would take a moment and update anyone that reads my blog.

The Jeans parents are doing much better. They were discharged from the Hospital yesterday. I don't have the full details of what happened. Didn't have time to ask him.

School is going great. Hip Hop is kicking my butt. I am really enjoying the class though.

Off to eat a quick dinner before I head to class.

I miss reading my regular blogs. :( It is going to take me forever to catch up.

Hope to be back sooner rather than later.

Sorry no time to look up a quote so I am stealing this from the wall in front of me ...

"Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there." Will Rogers

College, Bomb Threats and The Jeans

Holy Cheez-its Batman I am not even sure where to begin. I was going to just write about starting college but then Wed came along and so did the notice of a bomb threat to the school I work in and now none of that even seems to matter when The Jeans calls me and tells me the following ....

Jeans: "I can't talk long I only have a minute" (sounding exhausted)

Me: "What's wrong? You sound exhausted. Are you ok?"

Jeans: "I'm at my parents house They both got Carbon Monoxide poisoning and are in the hospital. My mom had a heart attack"

All I could keep saying was Oh my gosh and I am so sorry. :(

Damn it!!! My heart is breaking for him and I can not do anything to help. I don't know how it happened but I guess his sister found them. His parents live an hour from both of us. He lives one way I live the other.

I guess they were in the hospital here near me but they have been sent up to a bigger hospital near where he lives. It sounds like they are both in hyperbaric pressure chambers. They tried treating his mom today and they had to stop as she started getting sick and throwing up. He is at their house and can't go see them now cause it is after visiting hours. :(

If you are the Praying type please say a few for his parents. Weird as I type this I had to laugh and cry at the same time ... when I asked him what I could do he said "Say some prayers" We have had many talks about God and Religion and our beliefes ... I think I just learned more about him by those few words than I have in all our talks.

Sigh ... my chest is heavy with heartache. I want so bad to be there for him. Mini-me gave me permission to go if he called and needed me. I love that girl!

On a lighter note ... if you can say a bomb threat is a lighter note. ;)

I am a little leary about how much info I put on here about what happened the last few days ... umm actually weeks. I don't keep my blog private and I am not overly concerned that someone will find it and it will ruin my life but sometimes when you voice your opinion/thoughts it can come back and bite you in the ass.

Let me start with I love love love my job. I love where I work and I am very happy to say I don't have problems with anyone I work with.

On Wed. of this week at 9 in the morning (we had a late start) all of the staff was called to a mandatory staff meeting. We were informed that a little more than 2 weeks prior (the week before Spring Break) the librarian found a note in her office. It was folded and supposedly crumpled up a bit. She was going to just throw it away but decided to read it. On it was something written very close to this ...

"This school fucking sucks. On April 3 at 12:30 the school is going to be blown up."

I am not sure of all of the details but I am assuming that the Librarian gave the note to the Principal immediatly. I only say this because I remember the Librarian coming by my desk several times two days that week asking who had been in my office and detention. One of the was to her office is through mine. I have kids in and out all day. She would not tell me why she was asking. I didn't think much about it once Spring break started.

So Wed. we are told about the note. The staff was not to happy to just be finding out about this note. The Principal didn't feel it was a threat at all. He said that it was just a note. It could have easily have been thrown away by the Librarian and never read. If it was a real threat it would have been written on a bathroom wall or in a very visible place. He told us that they had looked at all of the kids they thought it might have been. What he kids they thought it could be I have no idea. Hmmm ....

The staff was buzzing all day into the ears of each other. I hear a lot where I am located at work. You could say I am like the Water Cooler where people come to talk and get info. The consensus was that no one was happy with finding out 2 weeks after the note was found. Oh and so not happy that there was no investigation to see if it was a real threat or to find the writer of the note and give them consequenses.

I found it very weird when the Principal stopped by my desk and asked to talk to me in his office late on Wed. afternoon. When I got in there he told me again why he didn't feel it was a threat and why he wasn't worried about it. I asked to see the letter as I had a student that week the letter was written that was having major issues. I wanted to see if it was that students writing. I told him who the student was and that the writing didn't even look close to the same.

Crazy ass shit happened next he called that student into his office and went through her locker. Again I can only say Hmmm. I have to admit I felt very weird about him calling me into his office to talk to me privately about his descion. He didn't talk to anyone else in private that I know of.

Thursday morning our computers were down so I went and sat on the other side of the office and hung out. I was asked by one of the Secretaries when I was asked for the info about who was in and out of my office that day and for the attendance. I told her that I was never asked for that information. It was then that I found out that the Principal was given the letter and did nothing with it. The only reason we were told about it was because one of the secretaries took it to the admin building and told them about it. WTF?? He didn't tell anyone?? Now I was questioning everything.

As if that wasn't enough drama ... Not one but two students on Thursday got very upset and both chose the wrong words to use. Oh yes both students threatened to blow the school up on Friday. This was also when I assume the Principal decided to investigate who may have written the letter. So they had an Officer come over and they went through the "high flyers" lockers to compare hand writing. Really 2 weeks and 2 days later and the day before the bomb threat is supposed to happen they decide to investigate it. Just a total coincedence that the two students said the things they did. However both students were suspended and hand writing samples compared. UGH!!

End of the day a staff meeting was called ... where the Principal yet again told us that he was not concerned about the letter and didn't feel it was a threat. One of the teachers asked why he told us now about the note and why the officer was there if they didn't feel it was a threat. The Principal said "Well because the threat is for tomorrow and I thought you all should know". HELLO?? When asked why he didn't tell us the day it was found or the next day he said that he didn't feel it was a real threat and didn't want to add more grief to our week because we had just had talks about budget cuts. He then said that he didn't think that telling us when they found the letter woud have made any difference.

Now I am not one to cause waves or rock the boat but I had to speak up. I said "Actually I think it would have made a huge difference. We could have been looking for the student that day when we all remembered who was in and out of my office. Now we have no memory and you are asking me who was in there." *sigh* I was asked around 1:00 on Thursday for a list of the kids from detention. Guess what no detention list for that day. Unable to be located. Hmm ...

We all left that meeting feeling frustrated. The only thing they were doing for us today was having a fire drill at the time the note indicated that school would be blown up. Oh and having two cops on campus during that time. Oh you betcha that made me fee so safe and confident.

Obviously I am here writing this out and there was no bomb at the school. I am upset though that things were handled in the way that they were. I talked to my Mom Wed & Thursday and she and I agreed ... A threat is a threat is a threat! Take them all seriously no matter how it is put out there.

The students that blurted it out got suspended and parents called. They were upset and the staff all agree it was a burst of anger that made them say it. A note found anywhere on campus should of been dealt with immediatly. Staff should have been notified right away. One of the staff members made a very good point ... This note was found before spring break, what if the student who wrote it was feeling suicidal. We could have been watching students for signs.

*sigh* Crazy crazy craziness!!! I have to admit that I was a little nervous today. I didn't sleep well last night. The chances of a middle school student making a bomb and finding a way to set it off at school are small but let's be realistic it could happen. These kids are having sex, doing drugs and drinking. They have access to guns. They have access to the internet where you can learn how to make bombs. Why wouldn't you take a threat written on a piece of paper seriously?

One last thing on this ... As a parent myself I would be extremely pissed off if I found out that there was a threat like this made to the school my child attended and I was not notified of it. I voiced that in the meeting yesterday also. Of course nothing was done to notify parents.


Ok .... I need to wrap this up

I had my first full week of College. I am way excited and scared. Did I mention I am taking a hip hop class? I am pretty sure I am the oldest student in the class. I feel like a complete idiot trying to do the freakin moves but I will not give up. I have committed myself to this class because I wanted to learn to dance and because it is a good workout. So I will look like a freak on crack trying to dance but I will do it with a smile on my face. :)

My other classes are in the Women In Transitions program. I am really excited about these classes. Don't be surprised if you see some of my work making its way to my blog. One of the classes is about Life Transistions and the other Career and Life Planning.

The Life Transistions book has some awesome questions in it. We don't have to do them as assignments but I think they will be so helpful for me to answer them. I want to keep track of my growth all in one place and this is that place.

I have also decided this week that I am insane for working full time, going to school 4 nights a week and trying to raise 4 kids and keep my house clean. The thought of all those things at once is what is making me scared. I keep telling myself "You can do this. You will not fail". I like the you can do this part ... but maybe I should change it from you will not fail to you will succeed.


Did you really just read all of that? If so you deserve a cookie or something. Go ahead go to your kitchen and get one. ;) I am so not done writing you may need it ...

As I was going through quotes to fit this mixed up post I had to smile when I saw the one below. I breifly told The Jeans about the bomb threat stuff when we talked. I laughed and said "I made it through the day and I'm not dead yet I plan on sticking around for a long time" He responded with this quote ....

I plan on living forever. So far, so good. ~Author Unknown

Writers Workshop: Surprise!! Mom lied to you ...

Oh I love the prompts this week for the Writers Workshop over at Mama's Losin It It was hard for me to pick just one. Don't be surprised if you see another post or two from me using the other prompts. This post however is in response to Numero Uno ...

Why did you do it?

I did it because I could
I did out of love
I did it for fun

I told Mini-me a few lies this last month but dang that girl is way to smart. Actually we are like best friends and it is very hard to keep secrets or surprises.

About 3 and a half weeks ago I received an email on my work account from one of the Dance team parents. A few of the parents had approached the coach about teaching the parents a routine to preform at the Dance team banquet. I was beyond excited and totally willing to join in on the fun. I have waited 4 years to make a fool out of myself to make my daughter laugh.

The parents all met at the coaches house a few days later to learn our routine. I lied to Mini-me and told her that the parents were getting together to do some gift things for State. I should have said we were going to dinner or something. When State came and went and there wasn't as many gifts as she thought there would be she realized I was up to something. I guess another parent told their daughter that we had all gone to the coaches house. She started racking her brain to figure out what we were doing. (The coach has a dance studio in her house.)

She had been begging me to skip my first day of class to come to the banquet. I originally told her I would think about it. When I felt like she was catching on I had to lie to her again. I am such a bad mommy. I told her that there was no way I could miss my first day of class. I agreed to make 2 pans of lasagna and she could take those. I tried to act sad but she kept making me laugh.

Darn that Mini-me! She would say things like:
"Mommy Please Come"
"I know you are up to something. See you are laughing"
"You aren't really going to school. You are going to surprise me and show up and you are all dancing for us"

I picked her up from work on Tuesday at 5 and told her we had to hurry as I had to be at class at 6. I gave instructions on how to finish up the lasagna and get it to the banquet with her friend that was giving her a ride. I felt a little bad lying to her again as I walked out the door. She said "Mommy you aren't really going to school are you?"
I said "Look book bag with books in it and I am leaving now"
She was a bit sad.

When she got to the High School I was already there and had parked my car where I knew she would not see it. It took her almost a minute after she walked in before she realized I was sitting at a table waiting for her.

She yelled at me "Mommy you are such a bad bad liar!! (started crying) I knew you would be here for me. I hate you!!"

Really I am a bad bad liar and I am pretty sure she meant that she loved me. ;) I did feel really bad for lying to her but happy that I surprised her. It is near impossible to pull one over on her. I can only think of 2 other times I have really gotten her.

Sitting through an entire banquet knowing that at the end I was going to surprise her more just about killed me. At the end of the evening the parents started getting up from the tables and walking away. I grabbed my camera and handed it to her. As I was walking away I said "Stay in your seat (I had picked a front table) and hit the record button in a minute or two." She let out a loud shriek and then yelled "OH MY GOSH!!" No more lying she knew what was coming.

Those girls laughed so hard at us. The lying we all had to do was so worth it. For the record I hate lying!! It is my biggest pet peeve. So this was actually hard for me. Probably one of the reasons she was suspicious.

So you want to see me make a fool of myself? Oh please don't beg (ha ha ha). Of course I will share my my great dancing abilities with all of you. Ok ok I won't lie ... My dancing is not that great but it will make you laugh. You should be able to guess which one is me.

I present to you the Parents of the Sheldon High School Dance Team .....

I would do it all over again because

I had a blast
I love my Mini-Me that much
Just because I could



Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance. ~Dave Barry

Titles Suck ...

Dad,

I miss you! You would have been another year older today. At midnight I would have called you and sung Happy Birthday. I would have called you several more times throughout the day and sung it again. I would have bought some silly birthday card from me and one from the kids that they would all sign. Of course it would have a few scratch off lottery tickets in it. You would have me scratch them off ... I have yet to figure out why you always made me do that. More than likely you would win a few bucks.

I am willing to bet we would have eaten at Tio Pepe's over the weekend. Not tonight cause I didn't have the kids and I started school but you probably would have stopped by today just to see me.

FUCK!!! I miss you something fierce. Sorry potty mouth. I often wonder if you can see me. Are you proud? I am not giving up!! I will keep on pushing through the crap in life. Do you see my floors. I can only give credit to you for teaching me how to do that kind of stuff.

I know you are around. I keep finding pennies. I try to pick them all up but sometimes I leave them cause I am in a hurry. I always feel bad when I leave them. Someday I will have to explain the penny story so other people don't think I am totally nuts. Well as you would tell me "You are nuts" Ha ha ha

Anyways ... Happy Birthday Dad!

Love,
Your Oldest Daughter
ShannonAnne

Dad, your guiding hand on my shoulder will remain with me forever. ~Author Unknown

Spring Break Comes To An End

As soon as I hit send on this post my Spring Break will be over and I will tuck myself into my bed. I had a very productive week and I am happy to say that I never felt like I was going to fall into a funk.

I started off my week by working on the hallway flooring. For the most part I am finished with them. I need a table saw to cut the boards length wise to finish off the last row against the wall. I am going to ask if I can use the saw in the Shop class at work. Can't see why they wouldn't let me.

Took most of Tuesday because I spent my entire night on the phone with the Jeans. We talked until 5 in the morning. I feel like those talks are so eye opening for both of us.

Wed. I finished up the hallway and cleared off the bookshelf at the end of it. Four medium sized boxes off to Goodwill. I love how the hall looks with the floors (almost) done and the bookshelf organized. Mini-me and I went out to dinner with each other and when we got home we tortured the cat. He likes to climb on the car the minute we pull in. If you put your hand to the window he runs to it and rubs himself all over trying to get to your hand to be pet. We are mean ... we sat there for 5 minutes teasing him. Had some beer in the fridge so I grabbed one and went to town on clearing out the crap in my room that I didn't need.

Hallway floors

Thursday I grabbed some left over paint that was out in the garage and painted my room for the first time in the 10 years that I have lived here. I got rid of the TV and stand that was at the end of my bed and the bookshelf of fabric/dolls. There is now just a bed and a desk. So much nicer than it was before. I did manage to break my bed in the process of moving it. I have owned it for just a little over a year and of course the warranty is expired. They wanted $100 to replace the rail that broke and they don't deliver it or put it on the bed. I said screw it and got creative. I had some wood in the garage so I made a box and used it to hold the rail up on the bed.

I have to admit I am a bit embarrassed to show what my room looked like before I tackled it but here I go anyways ....

Before (wall by the door)

After (wall by the door)

My room is no longer a freakish blue/green puke color. It is a wonderful tan and I love it. Still have some work to do on it. Like make curtains and put in the wood floor. The dolls are now homeless. I am going to end up selling most of them. A few will be kept as they were in a commercial the kids and I were in. (Yes I've been on TV nationwide and not for America's Most Wanted). The bookshelf is now in the closet in the living room and all of the fabric is folded nicely. I even had room to store my sewing machines (all 3 of them). If you look carefully you can see the box I made to hold the bed up. Damn I am crafty!!!

Friday before the kids came home I went and picked up my books for my classes. Totally freaking out as I start school tomorrow. Kids and I had a pretty chill night together. Nothing exciting.

Saturday I took them out to Monsters vs. Aliens. They said they all really liked it. I can't say I really liked it and I can't say I hated it. It had some funny moments. Mini-me was totally awesome and watched the kids so I could go have dinner with a friend. Which turned into a fun night with a few other people. I got home after 2 this morning.

Today we got creative and made a video to enter a contest on YouTube. Lowe's is having a Spring Dream Challenge. I could so use some new items to keep the outside of my house in nice condition. The kids and I had a ton of fun coming up with our entry and making it. I love when my kids get creative. I love it even more when something like this comes out of being creative. The bonding & laughing we did today was just awesome. I think I am going to upload all of the bloopers to my YouTube account. Of course all of you lucky readers get to see the video here first ....

Good-Bye Spring Break 2009 I have enjoyed my time with you. Thank you for the wonderful memories.

Think big thoughts but relish small pleasures. ~H. Jackson Brown, Jr., Life's Little Instruction Book

Writers Workshop: Memory Lane

I've been secretly following Mama's Losin It. Each Wed. she posts a blog for a Writer's Workshop. I have been wanting to join in but haven't really had the time. I waited patiently today for her to post the 5 choices for topics and have thought about them all day as I finished up the flooring in the hall and purged my room so I can paint it.

Anyways ... I am choosing to write about #4 .... You can go back to your childhood for one day. What day and age do you choose?

I have thought long and hard today about my childhood and if there was a day I would like to go back to. I have always said that I wouldn't want to go back in time and change anything in my life. I really try to look at my past and learn from everything. Everything that has happened in my life has made me who I am today. I like me!

Now if I had a handy dandy De Lorian with a flux capacitor, you know like the one in Back to the Future. I would so go back and change a few things if I knew they would not affect the way things are now.

My first stop would so be the month or so leading up to my 8th grade graduation. The details are a little fuzzy but either I asked my mom to have someone make my graduation dress for me or she suggested it. Either way I have to admit I was not fully pleased with the outcome. I did ask for my dress to be peach. Hey it was the 80's and peach and mint green were like totally bitchen (at least to me). It is possible that I asked for that style of dress. Ok ok I did ask for that style but I thought it would come in some cool fabric. Not just plain cotton. I also thought it would be a little more fitted or something. I knew nothing about sewing or designing in 8th grade. I would so like to go back and get myself a bitchen dress. I know exactly what dress it would be. There was a white dress that was bubbled at the bottom and it had red polka dots on it. Think Cyndi Lauper meets Madonna 80's style. It was so rad. I wish my mom would have just gotten me that dress. Of course this post would not be complete without embarrassing pictures of me in said dress ...

8th Grade Graduation

Lovely tan lines ... Like gag me with a spoon.

The second stop I would make on my blast to the past voyage would be my Jr. year in High School. Homecoming dance with Chris D. I would so grab him and kiss him the way he deserved to be kissed ... well you know for being in High School. I met Chris the week I found out I was pregnant with Mini-me. I had been joking around for a few weeks to my friends that he would some day be my future husband. We met and found out that our birthdays were Oct. 13 & Oct. 14. He knew that I was pregnant at the time of our Birthday dates but it never phased him. At the age of 17 this sweet and caring boy wanted to take care of me and my daughter. Stupid stupid me turned him down. Not just one time but later when I was 19 I turned him down again. I think I would just go back and kiss him and tell him how freakin awesome and amazing he was.
Can I find a guy like that now please??

11th Grade Homecoming

I was 9 weeks pregnant here

My last stop would be my Sr. year in High School. I would love to go back and give myself a gigantic hug and tell myself that I am awesome and proud of myself. I had Mini-me at the end of my Jr. year of High School. I am not sure how I managed to pull it off but I graduated High School on time while being a teen mom and without support from her bio dad. I don't think that I give myself enough credit for all of the things I have gone through and overcome. (Note to self: You are awesome and so very strong. Give yourself more credit in the future) I would also tell my past self not to be so hard on myself about looks and body image. (I have struggled with an eating disorder since I had Mini-me) After I hugged my past self I would hug baby Mini-me and take in her baby smell one last time. Whisper an I love you into her ear and head back to the future.

Sr. Picture ... I was 17

What you need to know about the past is that no matter what has happened, it has all worked together to bring you to this very moment. And this is the moment you can choose to make everything new. Right now. ~Author Unknown

A Review: Zenni Optical (Online Prescription Glasses)

So I thought I would change things up and do a review. Back in December I had my annual eye exam and quickly realized that both my contacts and glasses would need to be updated. Like most insurance companies out there mine will only cover one or the other. This was an easy choice for me as I wear my contacts daily and my glasses for a short few hours before bed time.

Skip forward to February when I was sent an e-mail with a link to Zenni Opitcal. Being a single mom with very limited funds and needing updated glasses I decided to check it out. Really prescription glasses starting at $8? I thought for sure there had to be a catch.

I spent over an hour looking through all of the information on the site. Spent another 30 minutes or so Googling reviews to see what type of experiences others had with them. All I could come up with was a few complaints regarding shipping time. Something I could easily overlook considering the prices for complete prescription glasses started at $8.

I admit I was a little nervous about ordering glasses from an online site. The fact that you can't try the frames on to see what you looked like was a scary thought to me. I mean who wants to order glasses, no matter how cheap and realize you look like a goof in them. I found two solutions to this problem. 1) Go to your nearest eye care place (Wal-Mart, Lens Crafters, Rainbow Optics) and try on glasses that you like. Then ask for the measurements of the frames. 2) Take a pair of glasses that you own\wear already and measure them.

There are full instructions on the site for what needs to be measured. After you have your measurements and an idea of what you are looking for you can have fun looking through all of the frames. After you find something you like and the measurements seem to be in the range you are looking for it's time to put in your prescription info.

You will need a current prescription for eye glasses. You can not use a prescription for contacts as they are not the same. If you are getting your eyes checked soon make sure you ask for the tech to do a Pupillary Distance (PD) measurement. If you've already had your eyes examined you can grab a friend, spouse, or a kid that knows how to measure and have them help with this part. It's a simple measurement to do even on someone like me with bouncy eyes (according to Mini-me my eyes bounce all over the place).

If the frames you have chosen have a color option don't forget to change that. Want some extras for your lenses? You can add AR Anti-Reflection Coating or Lens Tinting for an additional $4.95. Want some Clip On Polarized 80% Sunshades they are only $3.95.

So you need Bi Focals, Progressive, Photochromic or a higher index lens. No problem they can do it. Prices range from $17 to $37. If you need extra strength lenses like me it will automatically change that box for you when you put in your prescription. A whopping $9 add on.

If you need specialty glasses like the ones I just listed it can take up to 4 weeks from ordering to get your shipment. What's really cool about shipping is that you can order as many pairs of glasses as you want and the shipping cost is just $4.95. This is where you order glasses for everyone in the family that needs them and have them shipped for one low price.

On March 10th I finally chose the frames that I wanted and placed my order. My kids thought that the green frames looked pretty awesome and suggested that I get them. I really wanted the black but they came with orange on them and living in Duck Country I can't wear Beaver colors.

My vision is horrible and I needed the extra strength prescription. Bumping my order up to $28.00. I figured that when I do wear my glasses it is while I am on the computer and it coudln't hurt to spend the $4.95 on the AR Anti Reflective Coating. Add on the AR coating and my shipping my grand total was $37.90 for a cute and stylish pair of prescription glasses.

Now I thought for sure with the adding on of the AR coating and the extra strength lenses that my glasses would not make it to me for 3 weeks or so. I was very happy when on March 19th I received an e-mail from Zenni letting me know that my glasses were being shipped the next day.
My new glasses arrived yesterday via the Postal Services. Thirteen (oh my favorite number) days after placing my order my glasses were in my hands. They come with a hard plastic case and a cleaning cloth.

I can not tell you how happy with my glasses. The prescription is perfect as are the frames. The price and shipping time totally rocked this single moms world. I wore them out last night to meet a friend and I received a couple of compliments. I am considering ordering another pair just to have a back up. I love my contacts but there are times I like to wear my glasses. Having two to choose from would be cool.

I am also wanting to order another pair because the price can't be beat. Zenni Optical has just gotten 2 thumbs up from this single mom. Let me know if you decide to try them out. I would love to hear your experiences with them.

I will be back later to add a picture of myself in my glasses. :)

Hallway Flooring, Power Tools and Dad

I hate having so many things to say and not knowing where to start. This seems to be a common problem for me. My brain very rarely has a moment to process one thought before I have moved on to the next. I sat down on my bed tonight intending to post one thing but my mind was going a million miles and hour and I am already ten thoughts down the road. I think the easiest way to get them out tonight is like this ....

1) The hallway is half way done.
2) I love power tools ... really I get excited and a bit turned on when I use them. ;)
3) If my dad was still alive he would be so proud of me.


Ok now let's see if I can get those out into paragraphs that make sense.

My goal today was to get the hallway flooring started and I did just that. It would be possible for me to finish it tonight but my back started hurting. Plus there was a beer in the fridge that wanted me to drink it. I didn't want to hurt its feelings. I am not sure anyone really wants to see pictures of my hallway floors halfway done but I am still going to post one. It's my blog get over it! And cause if I am ever down on myself I can go look at it and remember that I am really awesome.

My hallway ... don't be jealous




Oh yes I love power tools. I am not talking the ones you get at places like this .... Although those excite me also and that is another post all together. I am talking drills, nail guns, table saws, etc. When I started this flooring project a year ago I had to decide between renting all of the tools I would need and purchasing them. It was pretty much an easy decision ... I had to own my own power tools. I have to say that I get such a rush when I use them. Honestly I have to admit that I get aroused. If there was a man around when I was done using my tools I am sure I would jump his bones and do very dirty things to him. I am not sure why I feel so excited about using power tools and working on my house in this way. Maybe it is a power thing ... like I feel more powerful. Maybe it is a confidence thing ... I am able to do more than I give myself credit for. Maybe I am just a kinky freak that is turned on by power tools. Hee hee hee Who knows.


And with weird awkwardness after the last paragraph I will now talk about my dad. As I was working so very hard on my floors I had to stop and miss my dad. I was also so very thankful for him at that moment. It was my dad who taught me how to do things like this. My dad was a Handy Man in every way imaginable. He could design it, build it or fix it. The house I grew up in started out with 3 bedrooms and 1 bath. Dad turned it into a 4 bedroom 1 1/2 baths with a kitchen that opened up into the living room. I often helped him with what he was doing. Not a joke when we bought the house it had tiles on the ceilings. The kind you see in old school classrooms. Stapled right to the drywall. I spent hours with him tearing them down, scraping out staples and then sanding. When he tore down the funky wood paneling in the living room and put up drywall I was there helping. Electrical, plumbing, drywall, and more I was there by his side. Soaking it all up to take it with me down the road. Oh and I can change my own oil and probably the brakes on a Volkswagen if need be. He also taught me how to crochet. He really was a Handy Man.

He would be so proud of me for doing this on my own. So Dad ... wherever you are ... Thank you for everything you taught me while you were here. I can only hope that I can pass these wonderful lessons you taught me onto my kids. All 4 of them. :)

He didn't tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it. ~Clarence Budington Kelland

It's Oh So Silent

No music. No movie playing in another room. No kids talking, laughing screaming, fighting. No humming noise from the dishwasher, washing machine or dryer. There is only a cat purring next to me. It is so very silent around here.

The Turtle, Little Man and Little Bird are gone for the week to "Cousin Camp". My Exs Grandmother hosts "Cousin Camp" every Spring Break. Mini-me has taken my car and gone to work. I am never really sure what to do when I am this alone. Over Christmas break I fell into a major funk. The kind where you get out of bed to shower and then put jammies on and get back into bed. Don't answer the phone or talk to anyone. Your thoughts pulling you in deeper to the funk that has grabbed a hold of you. Mini-me took care of me and told me to get up. I ended up texting The Jeans and that was the first time I had seen him and months.

I have one full week without work and 3 kids. I would love a road trip to go see The Jeans but he is working overtime so that isn't going to happen. I refuse to get into a funk. No way can I go there and waste a week of my life.

Yesterday I spent 9 hours cleaning. Really it was a purging of more junk and rearranging of furniture/sewing stuff. My house looks 100% worse than it did when I started yesterday. I've spent a few hours today working on the floors.

I think I forgot to mention that I am insane. Last year (as in last March) I had the great idea of purchasing and installing wood floors in my house. I am doing it by myself. No contractors or friends helping me. Well I have put Mini-me to work a few times. The living room was finally finished this past December. It had to be finished for Christmas. The poor hallway has been naked for a year now. Just subflooring.

Today I have moved the bookshelf (so now there are books in several boxes in my room and a bookshelf in the boys room) and layed out the lining and have started putting in the flooring.
I am taking a break because the compressor and I were not getting along.

My mission is to finish the hallway sometime tomorrow early morning. It would be cool to get it done today ... which really is possible if I got off the internet. I am thinking big this week. I am tackling my room also. I doubt I will get to the flooring in here but I hope to get the walls painted. Next month will be my 10 yr anniversary living in here in this house. My room is the only one that has never been painted. It is ready for some lovin ;). I am ready for it to be my little place to get away.

Off to send an email, put on some music and lay down some kick ass wood flooring. Expect pictures later.

Motivation is when your dreams put on work clothes. ~Author Unknown

Midnight Ramblings ...

I should be sleeping. It is hours past my bed time. I will be skipping church tomorrow. Part of me feels guilty. Part of me just doesn't care. Was in a funk earlier this week now I feel wired. Sometimes wonder if I am bi-polar to some extent. So many things to get out not sure where to start ... hang in there for a long rambling midnight post.

Last weekend with The Jeans was very nice. He spent the night at my house Thursday after we went down and saw some friends. It is a very rare thing for him to stay here. He is one of the very few people that the door is even open to. I am very protective of my kids and who enters their lives. Anyways ... we stayed in bed most of the day as we had to pull an all nighter Friday night.

The ride a long was pretty uneventful. Totally ok by me though. I enjoyed my time just talking and looking at the million dollar homes. Nothing like being in a patrol car at 2 in the morning and stopping in front of million dollar homes that are for sale and jumping out of the car to grab the fliers to see what the house costs and the pictures of it. Oh yes that is what we did. Hee hee

We did pull one person over. The Jeans left it up to me if I wanted the person towed. Driving while suspended and no insurance. I figured the $700 in tickets he got for that was plenty for the guy to pay. We were nice and let the guys girlfriend come get him and his car.

Got back to his place around 9 am and I crashed hard in his bed. He stayed up cause well he is insane. He came in and slept with me for an hour before we both had to leave. Got home around 5 and realized that I had not eaten for 24 hours. Texted Select Friend and met him down at our favorite hang out. Enjoyed a big fat bacon cheeseburger and a few beers. Since I didn't have kids I stayed out past my bed time. Had a great time.

Sunday started of just grand with another fight with the Ex. He really is just a jackass. I can't even go into all of the details with out getting upset all over again. I can say that it pisses me off that I still let him have control over my emotions.

The Jeans called me in the middle of the night (hey he works graveyards lol). Interesting conversation ... I mentioned that I wanted to go on a trip by myself for my birthday this year. Really a trip to Disneyland on my birthday BUT without my kids. This would be a major first for me. I have not been to Disneyland without my kids since I was a teenager. I have always wanted to go alone or with one person not the 25 that we normally go with. I know my kids will be upset that I am not taking them but I want and need to do this. Crazy ass shit happened next when The Jeans said "I will go with you. It would be fun to take a trip together." Holy Crap Batman!! I about fell out of my bed. He wants to go on a trip with me to Disneyland. My birthday is still 6 months away so I will have to see how this plays out.

Monday I posted this.

The Jeans called me in the middle of the night and we ended up talking for most of the night. I think I got 2 hours of sleep. My lack of sleep didn't help my day on Tuesday. I was exhausted all day but that didn't stop me from meeting with The Jeans and going out for a friends birthday and St. Patricks day. Weird that this was our 3rd year celebrating this together. The 1st year and this year we went together. He paid for everything for me. And as usual everyone asked what was going on between us. *sigh* I had no answer to give. On the way to meet everyone he asked me "So how many people do you think will ask if we are dating?" I said "I had no idea. The thought never really crossed my mind that anyone would think that." I really didn't even think that anyone would ask. They always have in the past if we show up somewhere together but it's been almost a year since we have gone out together.

I remembered a few things late into the night 1) why I don't drink in the middle of the week 2) why The Jeans and I should not drink around each other with all of our friends around. For whatever reason St. Patricks day for us always ends up with one of us crying. This year was my turn. Way to much to post here tonight.

Wed. I was in a major funk from the lack of sleep I had gotten 2 nights in a row. Dehydrated from drinking and upset about how the night ended. Called The Jeans when I got off work and talked for a minute but he was at a friends visiting. Then going to another friends for the evening. I extended an invite for him to come over later that night.

Had an appt that evening at the College to finish registering for my classes. I am officially going back to school. I will be taking 2 classes in the Women in Transistions program. I am excited about these classes. I have heard great things about how they help women that are in transistion find the path they should be on. Oh and crazy me has decided to take a Hip Hop dance class for Pe Credit. I am taking it cause I like to dance and it will be a great workout. I will be in school 4 nights a week on top of working, raising 4 kids, and keeping my house clean. I am insane!!

I never heard from The Jeans Wed. night. I thought he was upset with me about Tuesday. Nothing really to be upset about though. Again can't explain that in detail right now but basically my insecurities hit full force Wed & Thursday.

Thursday I was in a major funk about not talking to The Jeans. Mini-me also left Thursday morning to go to Portland until Sunday. I cried when I left for work because I did not want her to go. Which made her cry. Then she texted me and made me cry and then she called and made me cry. I cried a lot on Thursday as did Mini-me.

All day Thursday I felt as though I was forgetting something. The date had a meaning but for the life of me could not remember what the importance of it was. Then while eating dinner with Turtle and Little Man (the ex kept Little Bird) it hit me. It was my Divorce Anniversary. One would think I would smile and be happy that I am no longer married to an abusive butthole however I cried ... for like the 20th time that day. I sat at my dinner table shoveling in my food while my kids sat across from me and I cried. Neither of them seemed to notice as they kept right on talking and eating. I did not cry because I wanted the Ex back or any of that nonsense. I cried because after being divorced for 2 years and apart for 3 on April 1 I feel like I have not gotten very far. I feel like I should have more to show or something. I don't know how to explain this. This isn't about dating or having someone in my life either. It's more about money and feeling secure financially and about where I am headed in life.

Went to bed early that night as I was tuckered out from crying. The Jeans texted me at 4 am. We texted back and forth for 30 minutes and then he called. We talked for another 15. Just our normal chit chat. He was still at a friends house not far from here. It drives me nuts when he asks me things like "Do you sleep better when I am next to you?" My answer is always "YES" and then he always lets out a little sigh after I answer. Is this his way of boosting his ego? Making sure that he is the one I want to sleep next to? His way of telling me he misses me? Or that he wants to be sleeping next me at that moment? He always tells me how great he sleeps when we stay together ... after we get up. When I was on the ride a long last week he turned to me and said "I wish we were still cuddling and sleeping on the couch." (that is what we were doing before we left) I agreed that it would be nice to be doing that. Then he joked around about how he wished the couch was deeper cause I am always falling off of it.

DAMN IT I wish he would just freakin tell me what the hell he wants. I am sure my readers would love a full 2 year story to understand why I am so confused. Someday I will get there.... I suppose. I have to admit that I am very tired of waiting but really as Select friend told me "You guys are starting over and you have to give it time." I just don't have any patience. Blah

Anyways ... as we ended our conversation Thursday night very early Friday morning I asked if he would be calling that night (For what seems to be our regular Friday night talk) and he answered with an enthusiastic yes.

Friday was pretty good minus the chaos at work and Mini-me calling me every 10 minutes sobbing. The work stuff was to be expected as it was the Friday before Spring Break. Everyone was itching to get the heck out of there. You ask anyone that works at a school that kids are always a little more out of control just before vacations or 3 day weekends. I swear more fights happen during those times also.

The Ex took the kids Friday for a bit after they got out of school so he could show them the new house that he and his girlfriend just bought. Oh yes you can't pay your child support but please go get a new home with your girlfriend. GRR I ran a few errands and met him half way to get the kids. Pizza was already in the car so the kids and I could have a movie night. Little Bird and I crashed by 10 and I told Turtle and Little Man they could watch another movie. Not normal for me to let them stay up so late or by themselves but they were so responsible about it. I thanked them this morning (something I am realizing I don't do enough of).

The Jeans called around 2 and could only talk for a minute as it was a busy night. He said that I should have been with him then. We talked about me planning another ride a long. This made me excited for many reasons. I get to spend more time with The Jeans and I get to do something I love. I would actually love to be a police officer. I however have made a promise to my kids that I will not be one. Little Man has the biggest issue with me doing that line of work. He has actually cried and begged me not to do it. He is terrified that something will happen to me. Also as a single mom being a cop is not an easy thing. So I have decided to be a teacher instead.

So that brings us up to today ... Saturday. It was a pretty laid back day. We all slept in ... which is rare for me. Then got showered and dressed and I took them to see Race to Wich Mountain. I would give it 3 stars while the kids seemed to really like it. We had a nice dinner together and then they all hunkered down on the couch and watched a movie together. While I came in here and started working on a new layout and background for my blog. You like it?? I also joined Twitter ... I need to see what all the fuss is about.

Now on to Mini-me ... I have come to realize just how much she and I depend on each other. She has called me crying every day since she left. Not just cause she misses me. Although that has come up at least 40 times. As I mentioned in Mondays post she is unable to dance. Being up at the State competitons has been very hard on her. She pretty much told me she is dying because she can't be out there dancing. It is not helping that her team mates have been very rude to her. They were not including her in anything. It is a tradition to get the girls all gifts for State. Well it crushed Mini-me when she was left out of getting gifts from some of the parents.

I have feel like a broken record. I have told her how great she is. How she needs to not worry about the girls and the drama. Blah blah blah blah ... even when things turned around today and her coach found her a costume so that she could dance in grand finale she still cried to me. I finally had to be "Mean Mom" I called her and said "Look you are going to dance Grand Finale. Who gives a flying freaking shit if the other girls don't think you should get to. Your coach found you a costume so that you could do it. She obviously wants you there. Shut up and be happy that you get this chance." She yelled at me "FINE MOM" and then hung up. A few hours later she texted me a picture of herself in the costume. She had done her own hair and make-up and looked awesome. I thought we were in the clear and done with crying.

I was so wrong. The team won 1st place for State so do you think Mini-me could be happy for her team. NOOOO she calls me crying again about how hurt she is that she couldn't be out there and she didn't win. I was a mom losing her patience. I can only take so much whining. Nothing was satisfying her. :( I tried to explain to her that it wasn't like she had never gotten to dance at State before. They won 1st place last year. This was not good enough for her. She again hung up on me. So I did nothing. Awhile later she texted that she was sorry and she loved me.

That girl has drained me the last few days. I have missed her something fierce but I could have done without the whining and crying. I hate to say this as it sounds mean but Oh my gosh I am so glad that dance team is over. Four years of whining and drama. I miss her dancing as she is amazing when she does but I can't do the drama.

Since I am playing catch up for the last week ... my 16 week challenge was put on the backburner the last week or so. I am still doing my menu planning and that is going well. Since it is Spring Break for me and I have this week off I plan on doing some major cleaning. It will be just Mini-me and I starting Monday and going until Thursday. No excuses!! I tend to get into a funk when it is vacation time and the kids are gone. This upcoming week has some dates in it that always bring me down. My dads birthday is also coming up. I can't get into a funk. No way can I let that happen. No going out either at least not for drinking. Maybe a movie for Mini-me and I but we can always watch one here together. My mom will be here somewhere around June 11 and I need to feel organized and proud of my house. Expect a Challenge update next week.

I feel so much better getting all of that out. Off to bed for me.

I still find each day too short for all the thoughts I want to think, all the walks I want to take, all the books I want to read and all the friends I want to see. ~John Burroughs

Kid Q & A

I really have so many things to say but I don't want to talk\write about any of it. I am in a freaking stupid funk this week ... the kind where you start crying at your desk at work or over a text your daughter sends you. Instead I am stealing a little something from T's blog .... I added how I would have answered for myself.

1) What is something Mom always says to you?

Mini-Me: "I love you and You smell"
Turtle: "I love you"
Little Man: "Quite Down"
Little Bird: "Take a shower"

Mom: "I love you"

2) What makes Mom happy?

MM: "Your family"
Turtle: "Sewing and your family"
LM: "Me"
LB: "Hugs and Kissing you or when I take a shower"

Mom: "When my kids are happy and when I get to sew"

3) What makes Mom sad?

MM: "Oh gosh Oh wow ... Next question ... to many things to list Mom"
Turtle: "Your dad died and when I don't do my homework"
LM: "I knew that would be the next question ... Me when I am being bad"
LB: "I don't know what makes you sad"

Mom: "When the kids are sick or hurting in some way ... and as MM said lots of other things"

4) How does Mom make you laugh?

MM: "Our inside jokes"
Turtle: "When you stare me down"
LM: "Your love and jokes"
LB: "When you tell me knock knock jokes"

Mom: "Saying silly things at the dinner table or when I dance"

5) What was Mom like as a child?

MM: "Well you were a rebel cause you had me"
Turtle: "Umm Like me" (she is dead on about this LOL)
LM: "You didn't want to live with your mom cause your dad didn't make you do your homework" (Interesting answer ... this has to do with some things that have been going on around here the past 2 weeks)
LB: "I don't know you've never told me"

Mom: "Just like each of the kids in some way."

6) How old is Mom?

MM: "34" *giggles* (I wonder what she was thinking)
Turtle: "34"
LM: "34 but I think you are still young ... Really young"
LB: "Right Now? Umm I don't know I don't remember."

Mom: "I'm 34"

7) How tall is Mom?

MM: "5'1 and like 3/4 or something like that "
Turtle: *stands up walks over to wall* "I'll say about 60.17 I guess"
LM: *stands up looks at marking at wall* "I'm going to say ... I can't see what the marking says but 60" and 4cm's"
LB: "I don't know" (Do you have a guess) "7' tall is that right?"

Mom: "If you measure me first thing in the morning I am 5'1 afternoon I am 5' even. I shrink throughout the day"

8) What is Mom's favorite thing to do?

MM: "Sew"
Turtle: "Sew and go to Disneyland"
LM: "Have fun with family"
LB: "Watch movies"

Mom: "Sewing ... it is a form of therapy to me"

9) What does Mom do when you're not around?

MM: "I have no idea that is a scary thought"
Turtle: "You work, sew when you have free time and you do other mom stuff"
LM: "Sames things you do when we are here except not talk to us and stuff"
LB: "I don't know that at all"

Mom: "Pretty much the same things as when they are here ... occasionally I go out"

10) If Mom becomes famous, what will it be for?

MM: "Writing a book"
Turtle: "Sewing and designing"
LM: "Prettiness"
LB: "Umm cause you sew and you make stuff for people"

Mom: "Me famous?? Ha ha ha Although I love the answers my kids gave ... I have always wanted to write a book, and sewing is a passion and I am sort of pretty."

11) What is Mom really good at?

MM: "Being a mom"
Turtle: "Sewing"
LM: "Loving"
LB: "Sewing"

Mom: "I am a super fast typer"

12) What is Mom not very good at?

MM: "I don't know how to word it"
Turtle: "I can't think of anything"
LM: "Getting me to my homework I dont know"
LB: "I don't know I don't know just tell me"

Mom: "Cutting hair ... I have been banned from cutting the kids hair"

13) What does Mom do for her job?

MM: "Secretary slash nurse assistant"
Turtle: "You work as a nurses assistant or something like that I can't remember exactly at H Middle School in the office"
LM: "You work at H Middle school the Pride as a nurses assistant"
LB: "Work on your computer"

Mom: "I work as the attendance secretary and I am the health assitant for a middle school. Really my job description should be Mom there also. I discipline, love, praise, be tough (Soldier Mom), bandage, give hugs, encourage ... to 450 students."

14) What is Mom's favorite food?

MM: "Pasta ... Fettucine like what I am eating now" (She was out with the dance team eating dinner when I asked)
Turtle: "Banana Nut Bread"
LM: "Like some pastas like macaroni or some angel noodles or something ..."
LB: "This might not be it but it might ... TURKEY! Am I right mom?"

Mom: "I really really love Ice Cream but don't eat it much anymore. Pasta is another favorite."

15) What makes you proud of Mom?

MM: "The way you have raised us"
Turtle: "For helping me grow up"
LM: "You stopped smoking"
LB: "Takes me out to dinner"

Mom: "I am proud of myself for not smoking anymore, doing a pretty good job at raising 4 kids, working and now going back to school ... and for not killing my ex for all of the stupidness he does."

15) If Mom were a cartoon character, who would she be?

MM: "Oh I have no idea ... you could be Susan from Desperate Housewives though"
Turtle: "I can't think of anybody ... Umm Winnie the Pooh"
LM: "Little Hot Riding Hood"
LB: "I can't think of any numbs"

Mom: "Does WonderWoman count? I always wanted WonderWoman underoos when I was a kid"

16) What do you and Mom do together?

MM: "Cause problems"
Turtle: "Girl stuff"
LM: "My homework and some times we go out and eat rent a red box movie go to the grocery store"
LB: "I don't really remember"

Mom: "I like to take Little Man to the movies. Turtle and I fabric shop. MM and I really do cause trouble and LB and I just hang out"

17) How are you and Mom the same?

MM: "Well duh we look alike"
Turtle: "Uhh we are girls"
LM: "We are blood related and some people say we look a lot alike"
LB: "We both like the color blue"

Mom: "We all love Disneyland"

18) How are you and Mom different?

MM: "We're not we are practically sisters"
Turtle: "Your 34 and I'm 11"
LM: "You are a girl and I am a boy"
LB: "I have a wiener and you don't" (I laughed so hard at this)

Mom: "MM hates peanut butter I love it. Turtle loves clam chowder I hate it. LM wont' touch pasta while I would eat it daily. LB is a raw brocolli eater while I think it takes like eating grass."

19) How do you know Mom loves you?

MM: "Cause you kept me" (I had her at 16 ... damn it that made me cry)
Turtle: "You do a lot of stuff for me"
LM: "Cause you don't throw me around and yell at me" *growling sounds* (umm this had to be seen it was actually very funny to me .... the boy has a very active imagination by the way)
LB: "Because you hug and kiss me"

Mom: "I give lots of hugs kisses and I like to cuddle with them"

20) Where is Mom's favorite place to go?

MM: "Fabric Depot" (Oh yes I am a fabric whore)
Turtle: "Disneyland with your family and your best friend"
LM: "To visit your mom and a bunch of relatives in Ca and stuff"
LB: "Disneyland"

Mom: "I do love Disneyland, visiting family in Ca, and boy do I love the fabric store"