Thursday, December 31, 2009

Good News and randomness

I am just going to start off with this being home alone on New Years Eve was not a good idea at all. The flood gates are open and I can't get them to stop. :(

The good news is that the mortgage company postponed the auction on the house until Feb. 2. It bought me the much needed month that I need. Now I sit and wait to see if they will accept working on a short sale. If they do then I will have more time to come up with money and find a place to move to. If they don't then I still have a month and I am way happy about that. :) I have done my share of happy crying and sobbing out of relief today.

The crying that is happening now is out of pure confusion, frustration, sadness, hurt, and a stupid secret that honestly feels like it is suffocating me and might just kill me. :( I can't even share here yet. The two people that I want to tell the most I can't tell. Well I can tell them but I am scared. I know that there is a 99% chance that when I tell one of them I may lose my friendship with them forever :( (No this has nothing to do with an affair or anyone sleeping with anyone else) The person will eventually talk to me after a few days I am sure but I live with this person and she is going to be upset.

Both of these people I love more than I can ever explain. They are my best friends and have been by my side when I needed them. I know best friends wouldn't stop talking to you cause of this secret but the first best friend and I are complicated. What I have to say will crush them.

I want to tell the first person face to face but they don't live near me. I don't have the time to go to them and I hate to ask them to come to me when I will be breaking their heart in a sense.

Stupid secret is really bringing me down right now. To the point that I can't even leave my room today. :( I haven't sewn at all and that was what I had planned all week. I was excited and now I am just a big fat crying mess.

And where I really want to be is with that first person. I was invited. I was told to go by others but I can't. The secret would eat at me the entire time and I wouldn't enjoy myself. And I don't want to ruin their night.

*sigh* I know I have made no sense to anyone but I needed to get that out. Sooner than later I will be writing about the secret.

Ok I am going to force myself to put on some clothes, go eat some food and sew. I will not let this secret and this depression hold me in this room.

Happy New year ....

We will open the book. Its pages are blank. We are going to put words on them ourselves. The book is called Opportunity and its first chapter is New Year's Day. ~Edith Lovejoy Pierce


Debbie said...

ugh! HOW stressful! I am so sorry for your predicament!! I know there is no easy answer as it sounds like something that must be said!! if it involves you, then yes! If it does not..its a tough call!! I have NO idea what you are refering please take what I shall say with a grain of salt! husband cheated on me for 14 years..and others knew! and no one EVER said anything!! I am so grateful! I was not ready to know! I share that to say, that maybe it is not to share...but only you know that! I hope it works out!!!!

MindyMom said...

Whatever it is I hope you get it resolved quickly and can let it go so it stops bringing you down.

Good luck with the house and hang in there!