Giving Praise

It has been a very very long tough week. Well let's be honest the past 6 weeks have been rough.
Sick kids, sick me, back to sick kids.

Work has been DRAMA central. I belong to a union and there was so much drama they are now involved and there are weekly facilitated meetings to try to work everything out. The meeting on Friday made me so upset that I walked out crying with in the first half hour. I had to go text my mom for prayer. Then I sat at my desk and prayed. I was so upset. I am way better now but not really looking forward to work Monday. I did gain a little respect from some other co-workers. That is always a plus :)

If you read my last post life it's pretty much been the same this week.

The Sped teacher for Little Man is just not doing his job. A month from the IEP meeting and I still don't have an IEP in my hands. Sped teacher admitted on Thursday that he hadn't even started writing it yet. Are you kidding me? Oh and the paperwork I asked to have them fill out for testing ... they got it to me a day later than I asked and only half filled out. Really? I feel like they want my son to fail :( I know not the case but come on people do your job. There our plenty of teachers with out jobs that would take yours in a minute.

The Ex issues are bigger ... the school counselor rocks and came to my work to talk. She knows my time is limited and knew I couldn't afford to miss work. (God is good) The conversation went well and pretty much how I expected it to. Child protective services will be called. I am not even sure I want to go into full details here. I can say that I am anxious about the entire situation. One never knows how the ex will react to things. He either does an about face and pulls his head out of his butt (at least temporarily) or he gets angrier and worse in his behaviors. I am hoping for the first and that is is permanent.

Even with the kind of week I had I am still giving Praise to my Heavenly Father. :) Never an easy thing to do when all you really want to do is tell the world where to shove it and crawl into a bed. God is just growing me up (again). Building character in me. James 1 is a great example of giving praise in times of turmoil.
I will continue to Praise the Lord :) In good times and in bad.

Pluses about this week ...
Princess is feeling better (she was the latest sick kid in this house)
Even though I thought it was going to kill me to stand my Mommy ground I did it. :) I had grounded Turtle and was going to cave in due to exhaustion from my very long week and not wanting to deal with more attitude from her. I didn't cave and she apologized. YAY a mommy victory!
A very nice coworker who knows my financial situation has offered the kids and I a food basket from his church for Thanksgiving. He was afraid to ask if I wanted it cause he didn't want to embarrass me. :( I am so blessed that he did ask and that I let my pride go and excepted it. I have learned that God provides for me in the craziest of ways and I need to except when it happens.
Even though the meeting was tough at work. I prayed. I regained my composure. Went back in and was able to get my points across later in the meeting. A huge achievement for me as it is very hard for me to speak up in general ... let alone an environment that is very hostile.
DUDE I am alive :) Just getting to be alive is a pretty awesome thing. I survived the week.

I was looking at some comments before I posted this and I came across one that had been left under this post. Can I just tell you I don't remember writing that post but I do remember why I was so upset. I am so glad God let me go through that time. He let me go through that time to grow. Just like I am going through things now. Yes they are different now cause He is working on other things in me. What is even way cooler to me ... the comments I have been getting lately have all had the same theme. Single moms struggling and finding my blog. My blog that has given them hope and encouragement. God used me ... me! Little Ol' Me to bless other people. My story and struggles are helping others. God is using my struggles to not only build me up but to build others up. What an amazing God. :) I will take struggles any day of the week if it means that my struggles and my love for the Lord can help another person.

Oh another plus ... I finished all of my Excel homework. Just have my final exam on Dec. 5. I am so very happy that I do not have any more homework in that class. That is some hard stuff to learn. LOL

Off to bed ...

Sick, Learning Disorders, and Ex Issues

I've been wanting to post for a week or so. I have stuff to say ... then I got sick. I have been sick for a week and let me tell you I am so over being sick. I am tired of coughing. I am so not doing well with minimal sleep (from the coughing). Having a 15 month old that is cutting 3 molars is not helping in the sleep area.

Life has been good. Even as I type this life is good. I have to had the BUT .... but it has been crazy. Seriously every time I move a step closer to God I find myself under major attack from the enemy. Life was nice and calm for a little while there. Now it is just crazy insane nonsense. Pardon my jumbled thoughts I think I might be a little rusty and typing out my thoughts. LOL

I  am trying deal with Little Man probably having a learning disability and ADD. Even though I have always known in the back of my mind that he might have ADD it is still like a kick to the gut. I question what I may have done. Why didn't I have him tested sooner. Typical mom feelings when she finds out something is wrong with her child. Real quick background ... Little Man is not and has not been a typical child. I have known since he was about 2 that he was extremely intelligent. Not just intelligent but brilliant. At 3 I read him Go Dog Go before bed one night. The next night he told me what was on each page before I could even read it to him.  School was a struggle. I had teachers calling me and telling me he was immature in Kinder and 1st grade. He couldn't sit still. He was a distraction. At the end of his 3rd grade year I was asked to come in and discuss Little Man's issues with reading and writing. I agreed to testing and we put him on an IEP. Three years later my son can't write at anything better than a 2nd to 3rd grade level. He is in 7th grade.

Is it the school's fault? Is it my fault? Why can't he write? No one explains to you the IEP process. As a parent you are thrown into a world that you don't understand and the school says they will take care of it. Learning accommodations are put on paper but I am learning that they have never been implemented. At least not for my son. If I had been in a better more stable place in the past 5 years I would have researched more for my son. I would have been paying attention to what was and wasn't happening for him at school and with his learning.

Three weeks ago I had his IEP meeting. Same complaints as usual. He can't write. He doesn't turn in his work. He fidgets in class. One teacher even asked if he could be using a computer in her class. My response was well it's in his accommodations but no one has ever offered it to him. GRRR!!! I left the meeting feeling frustrated. I went to work and started sharing with co-workers (I work for a school district). Advice started flying and now I am on a major mission to make changes for my son.

In the last 3 weeks I have learned through test score that my son took in the 4th grade that he is smart. I mean like uber freakin smart. At 9 years old my son tested at a college level for oral expression. In math he tested at an 8th grade level in 4th grade. Even though I have always known in my mom heart how smart he is it was still a huge shock to see it on paper. I sat in complete shock for about 15 minutes. Sadly those same tests showed that his writing ability was in the 1st grade level.

I am pretty sure my son falls into this Twice Exceptional category. After spending a lot of time talking with my son and looking back over the past few years I am pretty sure he has Dysgraphia. I am in the process of filling out paperwork to have him tested at the research center here in town. It's taken 3 weeks to even get the paperwork from them. It will be another 3 before an appointment is scheduled and then I am told it can be a 6 month wait before the actual appointment. :( In the mean time I have asked for an advocate to come with me to the school and help get more accommodations for him and actually have them followed.

Just the issues with Little Man have been draining on me. I feel as though I am a walking zombie with this cold. I keep asking the Lord for strength to get through everything and just when I think I am taking a step forward something else pops up.
Last night it was an email from Turtle. The kids go to their dads Sun-Tues. I pick them up on Wed from school. Normally Turtle has her cell phone but she just happened to get grounded before she left to the Ex's on Sun. So she basically tells me in her email that once again they were not allowed to go home after school. Turtle called him from the school office at 4 to find out what they were supposed to do. He told them to walk down to the supermarket and wait there. So they did and they waited 45 minutes. Since she didn't have her phone and it was getting dark she and Little Man walked to a friends house to call their dad. He got upset with them for leaving the store and yelled at them. She then said it took another 20 minutes before he picked them up.
This is not the first time he has told them they are not allowed to go home after school. In fact it happens almost every week. His reason why ... cause his girlfriend who he lives with is sleeping. She works nights. However her daughter who is also in middle school gets to go home right after school. Are you kidding me??? My children are left at school or to wander the streets for 2 hours after school but hers gets to go home??
So Turtle went to the school counselor today to discuss the problem. I spent 20 minutes talking to the counselor tonight on the phone. The only reason she did not call CPS was because she knows me and wanted to discuss the situation with me first.
So now the counselor is calling the Ex to talk with him. She agrees with me that my kids are not in a safe place when they are with their dad. (Someone remind me to blog about the 4th of July and what happened with the Ex) I am expecting major fall out with the Ex. He is either going to take his anger out on me, the kids, or all of us. :( The counselor and I agreed that if that is the case then a call to CPS will be made. :(

I would love to have my kids full time if it meant they were safe and my Ex would stop being a abusive jerk to me and them. However I don't think I have what it takes right now for a custody battle. :( I know that God has a plan in all of this. I know HE will take care of my kids and me. But gosh darn it I am human and I lack faith at times.

I believe I have rambled on enough for the night. LOL I need to take my coughing sick self to bed. I need strength emotionally, physically and mentally for the battle I will need to fight in the upcoming days and months.

Man I miss blogging. I need to start taking a day of rest and spend it doing things I love. Like sewing and writing on here. I know sewing isn't really resting but it is my happy thing that relaxes me. :)

Be Still

I am not very good at being still. When life feels like it is spiraling out of control I need to do something. It is so hard to just sit and wait. God however has me on this path of being still. I have been on this path for a few months now and I have learned so much about myself and others around me. God really has done some major work on and in me.

I have to personally admit that I am a little tired of being still. LOL I am not questioning God or his timing/plan. I am just starting to feel panicked. I know that this is when He is telling me "HEY SHANNON ... You need to rely on me more now than ever. Trust me. Have Faith. I have it taken care of."
My response back goes something like this ...
"Umm yeah God I do trust you. I have seen everything you have done for me over the past few years but why oh why do you have to take me all the way to the edge like this? Oh wait I know why ... You are building me up. Refining me. Making me stronger and more patient. You are wanting me to fully rely on you no matter what. (In my small little kid voice) ... Please God can I just have this baby soon and can you bring me a new home before I am homeless? I want it to be your time and plan Lord but man I am human and really struggling."

*sigh*

We have to be moved out of the house in 20 days. We have about 15 days to find a place and get it approved for housing assistance before we can move in. I trust God! He really has taken care of me but I am human and I am having a lack of faith moment and starting to panic.

On the baby front I fully believe she has decided to take up permanent residence in there. Saw one of the partners at my Dr.s office today. I am still at 1cm dilated and 50% effaced. Her head is at zero station which is pretty darn low. That explains the pubic bone pain and probably the hip/back pain. You would think with her head that low the pressure would efface me more and dilate the cervix ... sadly no. :( On a good note ... I gained back the 2lbs that I lost plus put on another 1/2lb. I was officially 140lbs today. Total weight gain ... 20lbs. :)

What's really hard about this being still is I am worried about having a baby and moving with in days of each other. It's me. There is no man in my life to help pack. To help move. I have had friends tell me they will help with the move. As will the church. I am sure they will but that requires me asking and I suck at that. I have pride issues. Probably something else God is going to whip right out of me. LOL

On a fun note ... Both Turtle and Little man are playing in softball and baseball tournaments this week. Turtles first game was last night and man on man was it epic. Twice my Turtle was the girl that tied the game up. They had to play 3 innings to break the tie to see who went on to tonights game. Normally they have a 2 hour time limit on these games ... last night was just over 3 hours. Can't wait to see how tonights game goes ... hoping it it isn't as long. LOL It was hard to sit in 90+ degree heat and hold my bladder. LOL

Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase. ~Martin Luther King Jr.

Still here ...

I wish I could update and say that I was holding my sweet girl in my arms. However she is still incubating inside of me. I have gotten some sleep the last 2 nights. Thank God! Well minus the normal trip or two to the bathroom. :)

I have done so much walking over the last few days. I am bored out of my mind with it. I know that when it is her time to come out she will. I am just so uncomfortable. :(

Next Dr. appointment is Thursday morning. My Dr. is out of town until the 19th so I get to see the other Dr.'s in the practice. Not sure how those appointments will go. Really what I am hoping for is labor tonight. :)

Tomorrow it is supposed to be 95 degrees. When I am not pregnant that kind of temp makes me sick to my stomach and usually brings on a headache. Top my day off with a softball game for Turtle at 5pm ... the hottest time of the day here. I am going to be one majorly unhappy & I am sure sick pregnant woman. *sigh*

Can't miss her game. I am that mom that will drop anything to be there for her kids. I have to drive her to the game since Mini-me will be attending to Little Bird at his Breakdance class. Only person left to take her ... The Ex ... seriously I think he has missed almost all of her games.


Alrighty it is bed time for me ... been slacking on the quotes with my posts ... makes me a bit sad.

When I do have this sweet little girl I will for sure update here as soon as I can. :) If I can't there is always Mini-me to do it for me.

Ah, summer, what power you have to make us suffer and like it. ~Russel Baker

I am here :)

I am here :)
I am still pregnant
Been super busy with Turtle and Little Man ... between the two of them we have had softball and baseball games pretty much every day.
If I am not at a game I have been trying to get sewing time in.

Had an ultrasound last Wed. and the baby is in the 43% for how far along I am. I was measuring 33 weeks and I was 34 1/2 weeks along. Dilated to 1cm.

Had an appointment yesterday and lost another pound. :( Can't figure out why I have lost 2lbs. I measured at 33 weeks still (I was 35 1/2 weeks) Dr. didn't seem concerned. Dilated to 1cm maybe a little more and Dani's head is super low (possible the reason why I measure so small?)

Even though the Dr. isn't worried about me losing weight, my fundus height, or that she measures small I worry. :( I am not by any means a big person. The Coach is pretty thin but he is tall. We were both way over 8lbs at birth and my other babies were average sized.
I am trying not to worry. I know that whatever happens God has planned out and is in control.

I have not talked to The Coach. He has made no attempt to contact me. His mom and I spoke after the ultrasound (she went with me) and she agreed that he needs to pull his head out of his butt and that if she was in my shoes she would not be chasing him around. It saddens me that he is missing out on all of this. I know that he thinks he will just step in when she is born and tell me how he is going to be in her life and he will try to bully me around but that is not going to happen.

Off to play the Wii for a few minutes lol ... then off to Turtles softball game.

Dr's, Showers, and Car Accidents ..

I have been meaning to update what happened after my last post but I have been so busy. I am extremely tired so here is a really quick (for me) update ...

I called The Coach late Thursday night to let him know what time the appointment was on Friday. Of course he did not answer. Left message. Walked to appointment on Friday (my Dr.s office is at the end of my street). Texted Coach to let him know I was at the appointment and if he was coming he would find me in the office. He never showed up. I haven't heard anything from him.
After a ton of prayer and some other signs from God I know calling him was the right thing. Now I know that I did what I was supposed to and the rest is in God's and The Coaches hands. At least until God shows me different. :)

By the way nothing exciting about that appointment. Saw a partner in the practice. :)

Saturday I went to a ladies study at the church. Had a very nice time as usual. An hour after the study in the same location my wonderful Mini-me hosted my baby shower. :) It was very nice and my sweet Dani has all that she needs when she arrives. After the baby shower ... seriously like right after I came home changed my clothes and went to Little Man's baseball game. Left his game early to take Turtle to her softball game. Ate dinner out that night ... 12 hours of business no way was I cooking.

Sunday ... Oh man went to church and of course was way happy. Planned on taking kids to see Karate Kid movie at 2. Little Bird was at his grandma & grandpas (The Ex's parents). The Ex was had the boys Friday and part of Saturday cus of my shower. Anyways he sent Little Bird up to his parents. They did not bring him home on Sat. The Ex said he would get him Sunday and have him home in time for me to take the kids to the movies. At 1 I get a phone call saying he will be leaving his parents soon. It is about a 25 minute drive. At 215 he has not arrived at my house. I decide to text instead of call as I don't want to start a fight. I get a text saying .... ok.car troubles. call soon. So I am thinking he was changing his oil at his parents or something and they screwed things up. I'm annoyed but decide to just continue nesting (yes I am nesting) and that we will go to the 4 o'clock showing. At 3 he calls again but I am not near my phone. He leaves a message telling me that he has had car troubles and to call his parents house. I decide not to call as I figure he will call me again or bring Little Bird soon. At 4:50 I leave my house with Turtle to go to Target to get a few storage totes. No sooner do I get in the store The Ex calls.

He apologizes for being so late and says that it is not his fault. He and Little Bird were in a car accident. WHAT!!??? So his car problems were that he was going to fast around the curve coming down the hill. Front passenger tire got stuck and the car rolled into the ditch. I mean rolled and landed on the top side. He assures me that Little Bird is fine. Just a few cuts on his left hand from the broken glass.

*sigh* I can not even begin to tell you how thankful I am that my Little Bird is still with me. That by the grace of God he was not hurt worse and that he did not die. I took him to the Dr. on Monday and he has a mild case of whiplash. I am glad that my Ex is still around also and he was not hurt worse. It was hard enough to tell my other kids about the accident. I can't imagine having to tell them if it was worse. After losing my dad to a car accident I get a little freaked out about them.

Monday I obviously stayed home from work to take care of my Little Bird. Mini-me, Little Bird and I had a nice time together.

Tuesday I went back to work and then did running around with the kids before they went to their dads.

Today :) Wonderful Wed. Went to work and came home. Had a Dr. appointment today (did not call and tell The Coach and didn't feel one ounce of guilt about not doing so.) Anyways ... Sweet Dani is hanging in there. I am dilated around a fingertip ... probably 1cm if we really messed with my cervix. It is shorter than it was a few weeks ago. The goal is to keep her in for another week and a half. :) So like around the 26th would be ok for her to arrive. I have another ultrasound next Wed. My belly was measuring 2 weeks behind again.
Was told that if I start to really contract or anything weird comes up before Friday afternoon to call and they will give me steroids to help her lungs. The last day to do this is Sat. I am praying we don't need to go that route. :)

As for the ultrasound I have not decided if I will call or let the Coach know. I have however invited his mom to come with me. She was extremely excited and of course said yes. This is her first granddaughter :) Mini-me will also be joining us that morning. Mixes emotions about The Coach. I want him there. I love him. I don't want him to miss things like this. However he is a 35 year old man that needs to figure some things out and grow up.

Praying that Dani is growing on target. If she isn't then really I just pray that God gives me whatever I need to take care of her ... while she is in me and after she comes out.

Ok that is my short version of the last week. I am taking myself to bed. My feet, ankles and my calves are so swollen they ache. :( On a totally great note ... Tomorrow is my last day of work. WHOO HOO Oh and the kids and I are going to the midnight showing of Toy Story 3. I can't tell you how excited we are. We have planned this for months. :)

And thank you for a house full of people I love. Amen. ~Terri Guillemets

Dancers

So I officially have two dancers in my house. A few months back I purchased Breakin & Breakin 2 Electric Boogaloo (Yes I grew up in the 80's). I had no idea that my purchase would cause Little Bird to become obsessed with the movies and breakdancing.

He has watched both of the movies so many times that the discs are scratched. When I say he watches the movies I mean he gets up and dances the parts out with the movie. He has cried when it's time for bed and the movie isn't over or when I tell him I am not sure I can watch it another time that day.

About 2 months ago we watched a dance group perform and I found out that they offer a boys breakdancing class. Who cares that I am losing my home and I am pretty much broke my son wanted to take the class. It helped that Mini-Me tried out for the same dance company and made their performance squad. We got a sweet family discount. :)

Today Little Bird danced at his first show. Not just any show but at the University. In the big rec center where the football players practice. I thought for sure he would get nervous and freak out. He tends to be shy at times and heck he is not even 7. Seriously I about peed my pants when he went 3rd in the showdown of breakdancers and he totally nailed it. :-o

He was so stinking cute. He didn't do the worm like he planned but he busted out all of the other moves he knows. The crowd was cheering him on :) He didn't even hesitate to jump out and start dancing. Whoo hoo!

I have another dancer and I couldn't be more pleased. :) Being the baby (not for long) he has had a hard time finding what he is good at. Mini-me dances, Turtle draws, Little Man origami and is very tech smart, and me I sew and am crafty in general. I am so glad he found something he loves to do. Even if it is just for a year or so considering he is 6 lol. :)


YAY for dancers. :)

Dance till the stars come down from the rafters
Dance, Dance, Dance till you drop.
~W.H. Auden

On a funny (to me) side note ... Mini-Me who just learned to mow the lawn 4 weeks ago is currently out front teaching Turtle how to mow the yard. Cracking me up that a 18 year old girl (19 tomorrow) is teaching her 12 year old sister how to mow the yard. LOL I should probably go out and supervise. So both of my girls come back in with all of their fingers and toes.

Loves & Struggles ...

The last few days have been full of love moments and struggle moments.
I love my Durango. Silly I know but I love my car.
I love the new (used) kitchen table and chairs I found at a garage sale a few weeks ago.
I love that the new table and chairs fits all of us around it and we eat meals together as a family.
I love the sewing machine shop I take my machines to. I have two machines to sew with again.
I love that each of my kids has a talent (gift) and that they aren't afraid to show it and share it with others.
I am loving that my Mini-me took a leap of faith and tried out for a local dance company :) She made it.
I love that my Turtle loves to draw so much that I have to tell her to stop and do homework.
I love that Little Man has found an outlet for his creativity. I have origami made by him all over my house. I love that he is teaching his little brother and has patience with him.
I love that Little Bird watches Breakin and Breakin 2 Electric Boogaloo every day that he is here and tries to dance just like them. He starts breakdance classes tomorrow night. He is so excited.
I love that my faith has returned.
I love that God loves me no matter what!!!

I am struggling with people asking or saying things like:
"Do you know what causes that yet?" (in regards to me being pregnant)
"Are you done yet?" (as in am I done having kids)
"You aren't trying to be like that 19 and counting are you?"
"Five kids? Oh wow you have your hands full"
(Really people ... yes I know what causes it SEX!!! ... Does it matter if I am done yet? What if I want 7 kids? Are you going to judge me for that? ... Umm no not trying to be like 19 and counting and what if I was? Is it your business? .... Yes 5 kids and why yes my hands are full ... full of my God's blessings. He chose me to be the momma of these babies. What I am full of is humbleness, love, and joy that God trusts me enough to take care of and raise 5 babies.
I am struggling with people that know me and The Coach still believing we are a couple. Obviously not close friends but people we work or have worked with still think we are together.
I struggle with the fact that people just assume that I am married cause I am pregnant.
I struggle with the questions people ask about the babies dad ... they all imply that I am married.
I struggle with how to respond when I am talking about how many siblings this baby has ... she has 6. My 4 and his 2. I very rarely mention his 2 and it makes me sad. They are just as important.
I struggle with talking to my mom these days. Things are tense between us and I don't know how to fix them with out another fight. :(
I struggle with the fact that it's very possible that I may be single for a long time to come. (this is good at the same time ... so I can grow)

I love that I have this blog and I can write out my thoughts.
I struggle with who letting things go freely sometimes out of fear of being judged.

I love that I am me :)

Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss

100 Posts and Bedrest

So according to my dashboard this will be post 100. Hmm I must be losing my mind because I thought I had already reached 100 posts. Oh well "Happy 100 to me" :)

So I spent the evening in labor and delivery. Having contractions. Nothing new for me. I am one of those oh so lucky people that is plagued with an irritable uterus. All of my pregnancies have involved preterm labor. Mini-me was the earliest born at 36 weeks. I was on bed rest for 10 weeks with her. Thanks to a small tear in her bag of waters at 26 weeks. Turtle had me on bedrest the longest at 18 weeks. Little man let me make it a little further than the girls but he kept me in and out of the hospital cause the meds never stopped the contractions. My sweet little bird he let me make it almost to 30 weeks before the preterm labor kicked in.

This little one has been causing problems since around 16 weeks. Since the "contractions" I was having then didn't change anything I was allowed to do as I pleased. Tonight however the on call Dr. wanted me to be on bedrest until I can see my Dr. which won't be until Wed.

My cervix is closed and high. A good thing. The fetal fibronectin test came back negative. Also a good thing. Nurse and on call Dr. suggested that I have my Dr. start doing ultrasounds to measure the length of my cervix internally.

Trying to figure out what I should do about work and school. Work has been hell the past few weeks. The main secretary has not been very nice to me about my medical issues. So she is going to be so not happy about me not coming in for two days. I think the stress of working with her is causing some of my contractions.

I read my contract stuff today about pregnancy and I am pretty sure with a Dr. note I can ask to have be cut back to half the time. Which would suck as I barely make $800 a month but keeping my sweet little one in me is pretty darn important. I can't drop my classes at school because I will lose my financial aid and have to beg for reinstatement.

The Coach was a major butt head tonight. Again I seriously just don't get how you can make a child with someone and be thrilled beyond thrilled and then just walk away and treat them like they don't exist or are some awful person. :( I had to do some major praying when he got there tonight. It literally took everything I had in me not to say the things I wanted to say. They wouldn't have gotten me anywhere anyways.

Guess I will watch a movie since I don't have to be up early.

When love is lost, do not bow your head in sadness; instead keep your head up high and gaze into heaven for that is where your broken heart has been sent to heal. ~Author Unknown

How about a Giveaway?

I spent my weekend whipping up this super cute apron. I was going to sell it on Etsy but I like things to be perfect if I am going to sell them. I feel this has a few flaws in it ... nothing anyone else would notice just me. As much as I love this apron I just won't use it. I've decided that one of my readers should have it. :)

All you have to do is leave me a comment with your favorite summer recipe. It can be a main dish, side dish, dessert, or beverage. My house gets way to warm to actually use the oven so crock pot recipes are a huge hit with me. Anything frozen makes the kids super happy. Once I see your comment you will be entered into the drawing. That simple! Don't have a good recipe or just want an extra chance at winning? Simple ... just tweet about this post. :) Winner will be determined by a random number generator. Oh I guess I should mention you have until Saturday night 9 pm Pacific Time to enter. That way I can ship out the apron before I leave for Hawaii. :)

Thank you to the lovely Turtle for letting me take pictures.

There is no sight on earth more appealing than the sight of a woman making dinner for someone she loves. ~Thomas Wolfe

I See Dead People

Ok so maybe I don't see dead people but after this week I am starting to wonder if there is more to life after death. My dad passed away October 24, 2006 since that time I have had him visit me several times in my dreams.

The most memorable was shortly after he died ... the 3 nights leading up to the dream I kept hearing my name being called shortly after I was asleep. Maybe not even asleep yet but in that dozing stage. On the third night in my dream I was at work. At the time I worked in a medical lab and was in the break room area. I saw my dad and started crying and I tried to hide behind the lockers around the corner from the break room. Some of my coworkers could see my dad while others couldn't. I remember saying to my coworkers, myself and to my dad "He can't be hear he is dead." The next thing I know my dad is on a cold hard flat steel hospital bed thing like the ones you see in the movies when someone has died. It is covered with a white sheet and he is wearing some sort of white gown. I was sobbing incredibly hard in my dream and real life. I could feel myself crying but couldn't wake up. I told my dad that he was dead but that didn't seem to matter. I asked where he was and he said "Tell everyone not to worry. I am safe. Everyone says Hi to you and that they love you. Jesus love you too." Then my dream was over. I woke up crying and weird feeling. During the time that my dad was talking to me in the dream he was morphing from my dad when he died into a younger version of himself. At the end of the dream he was I am guessing in his late 20's to early 30's. I often wonder who "everyone" is that was saying hi to me. Past relatives? Miscarried babies? Random dead people? ;-)

I have had other dreams with my dad in them but he doesn't talk to me in them. I will share those another time as they were interesting also. I had a dream where my dad and The Jeans meet which is very interesting to me. I have even heard the voice calling me just as I start dozing off. This week however I think I have officially seen my dad in the flesh not once but twice.

On Sunday afternoon I dropped Turtle off at her softball game to warm up. I took the other kids to Wal-Mart really quick to get some essentials for the house. As we were walking towards electronics I look up to see a gentleman that looks so much like my dad that I almost burst into tears. Height, weight, hair/beard groomed the same way and the same color. His clothes were cleaner than my dad normally wore ;) and he even wore a hat very similar to my dads. He was walking straight towards us smiling. I turned to Mini-me who was just behind my left shoulder to say something and as soon as I turned my head she said "I know I know Mom." Like she could read my mind and knew what I was going to say. She looked as though the tears were on the verge of flowing.

We turned into the electronics department and the gentleman kept walking but watched us the entire time with a smile on his face. When he was out of site both of my boys looked at me and said "That guy looks just like grandpa." Ok I am feeling a little shaky at this point and seriously want to run after the man and hug him and then explain that I am not a mad woman but that he looks like my dead dad. As I am turned to talk to the electronic guy Krystal informs me that the gentleman has walked by again and stares at us the entire time with that smile my dad would give us.

I feel weird about the encounter for the rest of the day. I share it with a few close friends and then let it go as one of those weird things that happen in life. I let it go until the next night when we were running late to Little Mans baseball game. I have no idea where in the heck I am going as we had never been to this particular ball field. I was angry at my ex for a few things and stressed about being late and not knowing where I was going. We get off the freeway and have to sit in traffic on a one way street. I've got my stereo on and the kids are talking with each other. My windows were down but only about half way. I heard someone talking so I look to my left and see two men about my age talking on a front porch. Next to them is an older man that again looks so much like my dad. This time I just stared ... I had no where to go I was stuck in traffic and honestly I couldn't not look. It was like I a magnet was drawing me to look that way. I could sense that traffic was moving in front of me and was just about to turn away when the man waved at me. Weird weird weird to me ... I turned to look at Turtle who was in the front next to me and she said "That guy looked so much like grandpa that was weird mom." The boys who I thought had been talking in the back seat the entire time and didn't notice anything both chimed in and said "She's right mom that was weird that guy looked like grandpa." Little Man then had to point out that it was weird that it happened two nights in a row.

I have really struggled with both of these encounters. Is it possible that my dad is trying to make contact with me? Or is it just my imagination and missing of my dad playing tricks on me?

Last night well actually early this morning I had a dream with my dad in it. I woke up around 530 as usual because I have horrible insomnia and the sun shines into my room at that time. I started to doze off and I remember hearing that voice and my name being called. I don't really know how to explain this but it startled me into an half awake state ... and at first I couldn't figure out what woke me than I realized I heard the voice and let myself doze again. I remember thinking to myself "Dad I am right here what do you need?" and then he was there but really really far away. I could see him in his jeans and his dirty, smelly work boots. His red flannel looked just the same as when he was alive but he was so far away. :( I don't remember anything else ... I just woke up and thought "Shit I need to call The Jeans and tell him to be safe today."
I tried to let the dream go and I tried to let the message to The Jeans go also but it just haunted me. I finally texted the Jeans around 1230 and told him to "Be Safe". He called me right after and we talked for a long time while he was working. We talked again later in the day and I felt ok with everything. Then while I was at Turtles softball game I got the stupid feeling again that I had to text him right then and tell him to be safe. Which I did ... he called me a few hours later to let me know he was on his way home. We talked until I knew he was home and safe.

Ugh ... This all sounds so weird. This is not the first time I have had dreams about people that are dead. When I was pregnant with Mini-me I had a dream about her biological fathers mom. She had passed away about a year before I even met him. I had never seen a picture or been told what she looked like. When I told him about the dream and what the woman looked like he started crying. I guess I had described his mom perfectly ... even down to the type of clothes she would have worn.

Am I totally nuts?? I've been in a weird funk since this all started on Sunday at Wal-Mart. :( I have a few other things bothering me that are not helping my funk but this is really weighing heavy on me and I don't know what to think or do about it. :(

The Jeans believes that my dad is trying to let me know that he is still here for me. My Mom (who is very religious) couldn't even explain any of it to me. She just tried to tell me that it was probably a mind thing and that I am thinking of my dad a lot. However she couldn't explain the dream things to me ... she knows that I have had several dreams that have become reality.

So confused :( ... Anyone have a similar experience? Please say I am not totally crazy ...

Pay attention to your dreams - God's angels often speak directly to our hearts when we are asleep. ~Quoted in The Angels' Little Instruction Book by Eileen Elias Freeman, 1994

I'm back and here to stay

Life has finally slowed down a little for me to be able to sit here and write.

It's been a long few weeks. The last time I posted my mom was on her way here to visit for a week. Mini-me turned 18 the next day and just a few short days later she graduated from High School. Mom went back home to Texas.

Now I am caught up in Turtle and Little Man playing softball and baseball. Between the 2 of them this week we have games every night. It is exhausting running all over town to watch games. They have both gotten better since last year when they played. Turtle got to play 3rd base last night and caught her first pop fly. I am wishing I had my camera out cus the look on her face was awesome. She was shocked and thrilled at the same time. The crowd was cheering so loud for her. Since I was at Turtles game last night 20 minutes from here I missed Little Mans game where he got to play catcher and he actually got a hit. Little Bird is in the Little Hitters program on Sat. mornings. He seems to be pretty excited about it.

Checked my grades this afternoon and I got straight A's for the term. This is the very first time in my life that I have gotten straight A's. YAY ME!!! I have signed up for my classes for the fall term and I am pretty excited to be taking a Childrens Literature class. I love reading kid books and this class focuses on that. From infant to young adult ... I have heard it is a really fun class.
I have decided that each term I will find a class that is "fun" or excites me in some way so that I am not feeling stressed about College.

I have managed a few visits to see The Jeans. Things seem to be going well with him. I spent Monday night with him and most of Tuesday before I drove like a maniac home to get to Turtles game. He is going to be taking Mini-Me and I to the airport for our trip to Hawaii ... which by the way is less than 2 weeks away. He will also be picking us up. I really need to sit and write more about what has been going on between the two of us. I am struggling with a few things ... like distance.

I could seriously sit here all night and write but I should sleep some. Even though I am not working anymore I am still getting up at the butt crack of dawn for some weird reason.

Man I sure did miss writing. I have been cranky all day ... I mean like I was in a serious bitchy mood about everything. I am feeling a wee bit better now that I have written some.

Until tomorrow ... oh yes I will be back with lots more to say. ;)

Be glad of life because it gives you the chance to love and to work and to play and to look up at the stars. ~Henry Van Dyke

I'm here ... Really I am

I can't seem to catch a break the past few weeks. So after my post last Friday I was hoping my evening would be better. Heck I was hoping for a nice weekend. I did not get a nice Friday night and my weekend was confusing, painful and frustrating.

Trying to keep this all short as I have to get to sleep (which I don't seem to be getting enough of). Friday night I was going to meet Select Friend for a beer. I had 1 hour to talk with him and hang out before Mini-me needed my car to go do something. The kids were pushing each others buttons as I left the house but that is nothing new when I want to leave to do something by myself.

I was not even to the end of the street when Mini-me calls my cell crying and tells me that I have to come back right now. I ask why and she informs me that Little Mans head is bleeding all over. I wish I could say that I was very patient and calm but I was actually pissed off. I did my share of yelling at them.

When I walked in I found Mini-me and Little Man on the kitchen floor both crying. She was holding a wet wash cloth to his forehead. There was blood all over the floor, his hand and his shirt. Turtle was standing there looking helpless. I made the girls clean up the mess in the kitchen while I took Little Man into the bathroom to clean him up and see if a trip to Urgent Care was going to be needed. Of course it was going to be needed as that is my life. The Dr. did not stitch him up or even use liquid stitches (which I really wish he would of). No he used some tape and pinched it together and said that should do it. GRR Little Man has a good scar now right at the edge of his right eye brow.

So I guess what happened was Little Man wanted to call me right after I pulled out of the driveway. Mini-me was pissed at him so she "tossed" him the cell phone that was on the counter and it hit him in the face. Let's just say this mom does not believe that the phone was tossed and I let all of my kids know just how angry I was with them. Really I just wanted 1 hour of time with a friend to talk. It could of been worse ... so I will be thankful it wasn't. (I just reread the last few lines and I feel like a selfish mom in a way. Makes me sad.)

Saturday I ran away from home and went up to see The Jeans. (The kids were going to their dads for the night and for Easter.) I debated the entire week if I should go and see him. I am very confused and frustrated with the way things are going between us. This really is a story all in itself for another time. We spent a few short hours together before he left for work for the night. It was very weird to be in his place all by myself. My intention was to do my homework. I put it off until midnight as I was struggling with a paper I had to write. I cleaned his kitchen and made his bed instead. I am really good at procrastinating.

He came home from work the next morning and we talked for a bit and had a bit of fun. ;) Which left me feeling overwhelmed with emotions I was not ready for and could not handle. I left his house upset and crying. Driving home for 2 hours gave me a lot to think about. I am still not sure where we stand. However I do know that he cares enough to offer me money to pay my Emergency room visit co-pay.

Oh yes lucky me was home long enough to make the Easter ham and pull it out of the oven before I turned to Mini-me and told her that I needed to go to the Emergency room. I get UTI's and Kidney infections very easily. This one came on so fast and painful I literally thought I was dying. Only 45 minutes spent in the ER. Lots of good drugs to keep me out of work for 2 days.

Ahh I can't forget the mystery rash that appeared on Turtle on Sat. About an hour after I ran away Mini-me calls me and tells me that Turtle has a rash on her chest and her foot. I ask the usual questions what does it look like? What did she eat last? What soap did she use in the shower? (she had just taken one). Everything seemed normal and she was breathing fine. I told Mini-me to let the Ex know when he came to get them. Nothing I could do when I was already an hour away.

When I was leaving for the ER the Ex was dropping off the kids. I was floored when I saw that Turtle had a rash that covered her entire body including her face. She said it was not bothering here but I knew it meant she would be staying home on Monday (good thing I had a kidney infection and had to stay home). Took her to the Dr. on Monday to find out that she had a reaction to the Amoxicillian she was taking for the strep throat she had 10 days before. *sigh* Nine days into the medication before she had a reaction. She will not be taking that medication again.

So my work week was short as I missed Monday and Tuesday. It was crazy busy though and the kids at work were out of control. College sucks when you are sick. I managed to make it to my classes but don't remember much.

This being a single mom, working full time, and going to college thing is very time consuming. On top of all of that I am still working very hard on getting my house organized before my mom gets here. I keep reminding myself that I can do this and it will get easier. I just need to find a routine and I will be fine.

I am going to shut up now ... I really need to find a way to sleep. My mind is constantly going and I can't ever seem to shut it down. I hope to get more blogging time in this week. Really I have to blog ... to get the A grade in one of my classes I need to "journal" at least 2 times a week.

At the end of the day, a loving family should find everything forgivable. ~Mark V. Olsen and Will Sheffer, Big Love, "Easter"

Midnight Ramblings ...

I should be sleeping. It is hours past my bed time. I will be skipping church tomorrow. Part of me feels guilty. Part of me just doesn't care. Was in a funk earlier this week now I feel wired. Sometimes wonder if I am bi-polar to some extent. So many things to get out not sure where to start ... hang in there for a long rambling midnight post.

Last weekend with The Jeans was very nice. He spent the night at my house Thursday after we went down and saw some friends. It is a very rare thing for him to stay here. He is one of the very few people that the door is even open to. I am very protective of my kids and who enters their lives. Anyways ... we stayed in bed most of the day as we had to pull an all nighter Friday night.

The ride a long was pretty uneventful. Totally ok by me though. I enjoyed my time just talking and looking at the million dollar homes. Nothing like being in a patrol car at 2 in the morning and stopping in front of million dollar homes that are for sale and jumping out of the car to grab the fliers to see what the house costs and the pictures of it. Oh yes that is what we did. Hee hee

We did pull one person over. The Jeans left it up to me if I wanted the person towed. Driving while suspended and no insurance. I figured the $700 in tickets he got for that was plenty for the guy to pay. We were nice and let the guys girlfriend come get him and his car.

Got back to his place around 9 am and I crashed hard in his bed. He stayed up cause well he is insane. He came in and slept with me for an hour before we both had to leave. Got home around 5 and realized that I had not eaten for 24 hours. Texted Select Friend and met him down at our favorite hang out. Enjoyed a big fat bacon cheeseburger and a few beers. Since I didn't have kids I stayed out past my bed time. Had a great time.

Sunday started of just grand with another fight with the Ex. He really is just a jackass. I can't even go into all of the details with out getting upset all over again. I can say that it pisses me off that I still let him have control over my emotions.

The Jeans called me in the middle of the night (hey he works graveyards lol). Interesting conversation ... I mentioned that I wanted to go on a trip by myself for my birthday this year. Really a trip to Disneyland on my birthday BUT without my kids. This would be a major first for me. I have not been to Disneyland without my kids since I was a teenager. I have always wanted to go alone or with one person not the 25 that we normally go with. I know my kids will be upset that I am not taking them but I want and need to do this. Crazy ass shit happened next when The Jeans said "I will go with you. It would be fun to take a trip together." Holy Crap Batman!! I about fell out of my bed. He wants to go on a trip with me to Disneyland. My birthday is still 6 months away so I will have to see how this plays out.

Monday I posted this.

The Jeans called me in the middle of the night and we ended up talking for most of the night. I think I got 2 hours of sleep. My lack of sleep didn't help my day on Tuesday. I was exhausted all day but that didn't stop me from meeting with The Jeans and going out for a friends birthday and St. Patricks day. Weird that this was our 3rd year celebrating this together. The 1st year and this year we went together. He paid for everything for me. And as usual everyone asked what was going on between us. *sigh* I had no answer to give. On the way to meet everyone he asked me "So how many people do you think will ask if we are dating?" I said "I had no idea. The thought never really crossed my mind that anyone would think that." I really didn't even think that anyone would ask. They always have in the past if we show up somewhere together but it's been almost a year since we have gone out together.

I remembered a few things late into the night 1) why I don't drink in the middle of the week 2) why The Jeans and I should not drink around each other with all of our friends around. For whatever reason St. Patricks day for us always ends up with one of us crying. This year was my turn. Way to much to post here tonight.

Wed. I was in a major funk from the lack of sleep I had gotten 2 nights in a row. Dehydrated from drinking and upset about how the night ended. Called The Jeans when I got off work and talked for a minute but he was at a friends visiting. Then going to another friends for the evening. I extended an invite for him to come over later that night.

Had an appt that evening at the College to finish registering for my classes. I am officially going back to school. I will be taking 2 classes in the Women in Transistions program. I am excited about these classes. I have heard great things about how they help women that are in transistion find the path they should be on. Oh and crazy me has decided to take a Hip Hop dance class for Pe Credit. I am taking it cause I like to dance and it will be a great workout. I will be in school 4 nights a week on top of working, raising 4 kids, and keeping my house clean. I am insane!!

I never heard from The Jeans Wed. night. I thought he was upset with me about Tuesday. Nothing really to be upset about though. Again can't explain that in detail right now but basically my insecurities hit full force Wed & Thursday.

Thursday I was in a major funk about not talking to The Jeans. Mini-me also left Thursday morning to go to Portland until Sunday. I cried when I left for work because I did not want her to go. Which made her cry. Then she texted me and made me cry and then she called and made me cry. I cried a lot on Thursday as did Mini-me.

All day Thursday I felt as though I was forgetting something. The date had a meaning but for the life of me could not remember what the importance of it was. Then while eating dinner with Turtle and Little Man (the ex kept Little Bird) it hit me. It was my Divorce Anniversary. One would think I would smile and be happy that I am no longer married to an abusive butthole however I cried ... for like the 20th time that day. I sat at my dinner table shoveling in my food while my kids sat across from me and I cried. Neither of them seemed to notice as they kept right on talking and eating. I did not cry because I wanted the Ex back or any of that nonsense. I cried because after being divorced for 2 years and apart for 3 on April 1 I feel like I have not gotten very far. I feel like I should have more to show or something. I don't know how to explain this. This isn't about dating or having someone in my life either. It's more about money and feeling secure financially and about where I am headed in life.

Went to bed early that night as I was tuckered out from crying. The Jeans texted me at 4 am. We texted back and forth for 30 minutes and then he called. We talked for another 15. Just our normal chit chat. He was still at a friends house not far from here. It drives me nuts when he asks me things like "Do you sleep better when I am next to you?" My answer is always "YES" and then he always lets out a little sigh after I answer. Is this his way of boosting his ego? Making sure that he is the one I want to sleep next to? His way of telling me he misses me? Or that he wants to be sleeping next me at that moment? He always tells me how great he sleeps when we stay together ... after we get up. When I was on the ride a long last week he turned to me and said "I wish we were still cuddling and sleeping on the couch." (that is what we were doing before we left) I agreed that it would be nice to be doing that. Then he joked around about how he wished the couch was deeper cause I am always falling off of it.

DAMN IT I wish he would just freakin tell me what the hell he wants. I am sure my readers would love a full 2 year story to understand why I am so confused. Someday I will get there.... I suppose. I have to admit that I am very tired of waiting but really as Select friend told me "You guys are starting over and you have to give it time." I just don't have any patience. Blah

Anyways ... as we ended our conversation Thursday night very early Friday morning I asked if he would be calling that night (For what seems to be our regular Friday night talk) and he answered with an enthusiastic yes.

Friday was pretty good minus the chaos at work and Mini-me calling me every 10 minutes sobbing. The work stuff was to be expected as it was the Friday before Spring Break. Everyone was itching to get the heck out of there. You ask anyone that works at a school that kids are always a little more out of control just before vacations or 3 day weekends. I swear more fights happen during those times also.

The Ex took the kids Friday for a bit after they got out of school so he could show them the new house that he and his girlfriend just bought. Oh yes you can't pay your child support but please go get a new home with your girlfriend. GRR I ran a few errands and met him half way to get the kids. Pizza was already in the car so the kids and I could have a movie night. Little Bird and I crashed by 10 and I told Turtle and Little Man they could watch another movie. Not normal for me to let them stay up so late or by themselves but they were so responsible about it. I thanked them this morning (something I am realizing I don't do enough of).

The Jeans called around 2 and could only talk for a minute as it was a busy night. He said that I should have been with him then. We talked about me planning another ride a long. This made me excited for many reasons. I get to spend more time with The Jeans and I get to do something I love. I would actually love to be a police officer. I however have made a promise to my kids that I will not be one. Little Man has the biggest issue with me doing that line of work. He has actually cried and begged me not to do it. He is terrified that something will happen to me. Also as a single mom being a cop is not an easy thing. So I have decided to be a teacher instead.

So that brings us up to today ... Saturday. It was a pretty laid back day. We all slept in ... which is rare for me. Then got showered and dressed and I took them to see Race to Wich Mountain. I would give it 3 stars while the kids seemed to really like it. We had a nice dinner together and then they all hunkered down on the couch and watched a movie together. While I came in here and started working on a new layout and background for my blog. You like it?? I also joined Twitter ... I need to see what all the fuss is about.

Now on to Mini-me ... I have come to realize just how much she and I depend on each other. She has called me crying every day since she left. Not just cause she misses me. Although that has come up at least 40 times. As I mentioned in Mondays post she is unable to dance. Being up at the State competitons has been very hard on her. She pretty much told me she is dying because she can't be out there dancing. It is not helping that her team mates have been very rude to her. They were not including her in anything. It is a tradition to get the girls all gifts for State. Well it crushed Mini-me when she was left out of getting gifts from some of the parents.

I have feel like a broken record. I have told her how great she is. How she needs to not worry about the girls and the drama. Blah blah blah blah ... even when things turned around today and her coach found her a costume so that she could dance in grand finale she still cried to me. I finally had to be "Mean Mom" I called her and said "Look you are going to dance Grand Finale. Who gives a flying freaking shit if the other girls don't think you should get to. Your coach found you a costume so that you could do it. She obviously wants you there. Shut up and be happy that you get this chance." She yelled at me "FINE MOM" and then hung up. A few hours later she texted me a picture of herself in the costume. She had done her own hair and make-up and looked awesome. I thought we were in the clear and done with crying.

I was so wrong. The team won 1st place for State so do you think Mini-me could be happy for her team. NOOOO she calls me crying again about how hurt she is that she couldn't be out there and she didn't win. I was a mom losing her patience. I can only take so much whining. Nothing was satisfying her. :( I tried to explain to her that it wasn't like she had never gotten to dance at State before. They won 1st place last year. This was not good enough for her. She again hung up on me. So I did nothing. Awhile later she texted that she was sorry and she loved me.

That girl has drained me the last few days. I have missed her something fierce but I could have done without the whining and crying. I hate to say this as it sounds mean but Oh my gosh I am so glad that dance team is over. Four years of whining and drama. I miss her dancing as she is amazing when she does but I can't do the drama.

Since I am playing catch up for the last week ... my 16 week challenge was put on the backburner the last week or so. I am still doing my menu planning and that is going well. Since it is Spring Break for me and I have this week off I plan on doing some major cleaning. It will be just Mini-me and I starting Monday and going until Thursday. No excuses!! I tend to get into a funk when it is vacation time and the kids are gone. This upcoming week has some dates in it that always bring me down. My dads birthday is also coming up. I can't get into a funk. No way can I let that happen. No going out either at least not for drinking. Maybe a movie for Mini-me and I but we can always watch one here together. My mom will be here somewhere around June 11 and I need to feel organized and proud of my house. Expect a Challenge update next week.

I feel so much better getting all of that out. Off to bed for me.

I still find each day too short for all the thoughts I want to think, all the walks I want to take, all the books I want to read and all the friends I want to see. ~John Burroughs

Kid Q & A

I really have so many things to say but I don't want to talk\write about any of it. I am in a freaking stupid funk this week ... the kind where you start crying at your desk at work or over a text your daughter sends you. Instead I am stealing a little something from T's blog .... I added how I would have answered for myself.

1) What is something Mom always says to you?

Mini-Me: "I love you and You smell"
Turtle: "I love you"
Little Man: "Quite Down"
Little Bird: "Take a shower"

Mom: "I love you"

2) What makes Mom happy?

MM: "Your family"
Turtle: "Sewing and your family"
LM: "Me"
LB: "Hugs and Kissing you or when I take a shower"

Mom: "When my kids are happy and when I get to sew"

3) What makes Mom sad?

MM: "Oh gosh Oh wow ... Next question ... to many things to list Mom"
Turtle: "Your dad died and when I don't do my homework"
LM: "I knew that would be the next question ... Me when I am being bad"
LB: "I don't know what makes you sad"

Mom: "When the kids are sick or hurting in some way ... and as MM said lots of other things"

4) How does Mom make you laugh?

MM: "Our inside jokes"
Turtle: "When you stare me down"
LM: "Your love and jokes"
LB: "When you tell me knock knock jokes"

Mom: "Saying silly things at the dinner table or when I dance"

5) What was Mom like as a child?

MM: "Well you were a rebel cause you had me"
Turtle: "Umm Like me" (she is dead on about this LOL)
LM: "You didn't want to live with your mom cause your dad didn't make you do your homework" (Interesting answer ... this has to do with some things that have been going on around here the past 2 weeks)
LB: "I don't know you've never told me"

Mom: "Just like each of the kids in some way."

6) How old is Mom?

MM: "34" *giggles* (I wonder what she was thinking)
Turtle: "34"
LM: "34 but I think you are still young ... Really young"
LB: "Right Now? Umm I don't know I don't remember."

Mom: "I'm 34"

7) How tall is Mom?

MM: "5'1 and like 3/4 or something like that "
Turtle: *stands up walks over to wall* "I'll say about 60.17 I guess"
LM: *stands up looks at marking at wall* "I'm going to say ... I can't see what the marking says but 60" and 4cm's"
LB: "I don't know" (Do you have a guess) "7' tall is that right?"

Mom: "If you measure me first thing in the morning I am 5'1 afternoon I am 5' even. I shrink throughout the day"

8) What is Mom's favorite thing to do?

MM: "Sew"
Turtle: "Sew and go to Disneyland"
LM: "Have fun with family"
LB: "Watch movies"

Mom: "Sewing ... it is a form of therapy to me"

9) What does Mom do when you're not around?

MM: "I have no idea that is a scary thought"
Turtle: "You work, sew when you have free time and you do other mom stuff"
LM: "Sames things you do when we are here except not talk to us and stuff"
LB: "I don't know that at all"

Mom: "Pretty much the same things as when they are here ... occasionally I go out"

10) If Mom becomes famous, what will it be for?

MM: "Writing a book"
Turtle: "Sewing and designing"
LM: "Prettiness"
LB: "Umm cause you sew and you make stuff for people"

Mom: "Me famous?? Ha ha ha Although I love the answers my kids gave ... I have always wanted to write a book, and sewing is a passion and I am sort of pretty."

11) What is Mom really good at?

MM: "Being a mom"
Turtle: "Sewing"
LM: "Loving"
LB: "Sewing"

Mom: "I am a super fast typer"

12) What is Mom not very good at?

MM: "I don't know how to word it"
Turtle: "I can't think of anything"
LM: "Getting me to my homework I dont know"
LB: "I don't know I don't know just tell me"

Mom: "Cutting hair ... I have been banned from cutting the kids hair"

13) What does Mom do for her job?

MM: "Secretary slash nurse assistant"
Turtle: "You work as a nurses assistant or something like that I can't remember exactly at H Middle School in the office"
LM: "You work at H Middle school the Pride as a nurses assistant"
LB: "Work on your computer"

Mom: "I work as the attendance secretary and I am the health assitant for a middle school. Really my job description should be Mom there also. I discipline, love, praise, be tough (Soldier Mom), bandage, give hugs, encourage ... to 450 students."

14) What is Mom's favorite food?

MM: "Pasta ... Fettucine like what I am eating now" (She was out with the dance team eating dinner when I asked)
Turtle: "Banana Nut Bread"
LM: "Like some pastas like macaroni or some angel noodles or something ..."
LB: "This might not be it but it might ... TURKEY! Am I right mom?"

Mom: "I really really love Ice Cream but don't eat it much anymore. Pasta is another favorite."

15) What makes you proud of Mom?

MM: "The way you have raised us"
Turtle: "For helping me grow up"
LM: "You stopped smoking"
LB: "Takes me out to dinner"

Mom: "I am proud of myself for not smoking anymore, doing a pretty good job at raising 4 kids, working and now going back to school ... and for not killing my ex for all of the stupidness he does."

15) If Mom were a cartoon character, who would she be?

MM: "Oh I have no idea ... you could be Susan from Desperate Housewives though"
Turtle: "I can't think of anybody ... Umm Winnie the Pooh"
LM: "Little Hot Riding Hood"
LB: "I can't think of any numbs"

Mom: "Does WonderWoman count? I always wanted WonderWoman underoos when I was a kid"

16) What do you and Mom do together?

MM: "Cause problems"
Turtle: "Girl stuff"
LM: "My homework and some times we go out and eat rent a red box movie go to the grocery store"
LB: "I don't really remember"

Mom: "I like to take Little Man to the movies. Turtle and I fabric shop. MM and I really do cause trouble and LB and I just hang out"

17) How are you and Mom the same?

MM: "Well duh we look alike"
Turtle: "Uhh we are girls"
LM: "We are blood related and some people say we look a lot alike"
LB: "We both like the color blue"

Mom: "We all love Disneyland"

18) How are you and Mom different?

MM: "We're not we are practically sisters"
Turtle: "Your 34 and I'm 11"
LM: "You are a girl and I am a boy"
LB: "I have a wiener and you don't" (I laughed so hard at this)

Mom: "MM hates peanut butter I love it. Turtle loves clam chowder I hate it. LM wont' touch pasta while I would eat it daily. LB is a raw brocolli eater while I think it takes like eating grass."

19) How do you know Mom loves you?

MM: "Cause you kept me" (I had her at 16 ... damn it that made me cry)
Turtle: "You do a lot of stuff for me"
LM: "Cause you don't throw me around and yell at me" *growling sounds* (umm this had to be seen it was actually very funny to me .... the boy has a very active imagination by the way)
LB: "Because you hug and kiss me"

Mom: "I give lots of hugs kisses and I like to cuddle with them"

20) Where is Mom's favorite place to go?

MM: "Fabric Depot" (Oh yes I am a fabric whore)
Turtle: "Disneyland with your family and your best friend"
LM: "To visit your mom and a bunch of relatives in Ca and stuff"
LB: "Disneyland"

Mom: "I do love Disneyland, visiting family in Ca, and boy do I love the fabric store"

No time

I have no time to write and its killing me. This week is already looking to be very busy.

I do have time for the following ....

1) My time with The Jeans was very nice ... however I am even more confused
2) My ex is a big mean jerk face ... and that is putting it nicely
3) Select Friend I love you and thank you for listening as usual ... the beer was good also
4) Turtle hates me and am a witch mom who is mean ... I am making her do her homework
5) I am PMSing and it is possible I really am a witch mom
6) I am hoping the cramping is just PMS cramping and not a bladder infection starting UGH
7) Make it through this week then it's Spring Break ... Yay!


Off to bed ...

Just because somebody doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have. ~Author Unknown

Not sure what to do ...

How do you tell a friend that you have some major issues with the things they are doing?

I am currently friends with a single mom to 3 kids. Let's call her DQ (Drama Queen) We met a about year and a half ago through our daughters. She stayed home a lot and from what she has told me not much of a drinker. She and I went out a few times and I introduced her to many of my friends. I slowed down on my going out last year and she started going out with out me. She made a lot of poor choices and most of those poor choices involved many of my guy friends. Some of her choices affected my friendships.

I am trying to be somewhat private here ... just in case she were to ever come across this. Not that she even knows this exists but stranger things have happened in my life.

DQ gets depressed a lot about the choices she has made\is making. Since last summer she has had 5 boyfriends that I know of and slept with countless others. Has thought she was pregnant numerous times. She has come to me crying and asking for advice several times. However when I have told her that I think she needs to stop drinking and clinging to any man that gives her the time of day she gets offended. I don't sugar coat things when she asks. She gets over being upset with me in a day or so and almost always texts me with "You were so right about blah blah blah" or "I am sorry you are right I need to make changes".

I decided in October that I need to distance myself from her. As I felt that the friendship was draining me more than it was fulfilling me. It was easy at first to make excuses not to hang out or let any of our kids hang out together as I had gotten a new job and was dating Mr. Bend. Since Jan. she has been texting me every Monday night asking me to go down to a certain bar as it is $1 beer night after 9. I have gone 2 times but was home by 10. Each time she would fill me in on all of her drama.

When she and I first started hanging out she always had someone watch her kids for her. Usually her 2nd daughters father. Her kids are 11 (just turned it this week), 9, and 5. She has been leaving them home alone at night so she can go out and party it up. No home phone or cell phone for them to use up until 2 weeks ago. She got her 11 yr old a cell phone to use. Let's just say I have some issues with this on many levels.

With all of that said I am having a bigger issue with her right now. She currently does not have her Drivers License. Last summer she was pulled over and they informed her that it was suspended. I guess for not paying a ticket in full from several years ago. Or so she has told me. She was supposed to go to court the first week of Sept yet never got out of bed that day. She went a few weeks later where they told her she had x amount of time to pay it and they would give it back. Of course she did not pay it (her list of reasons why is a mile long). With out a Drivers License you can not be insured. So when she was pulled over again in Dec. she was given another ticket and her car impounded again for driving while suspended and uninsured.
She was pulled over the night before Valentines on her way home from the bar. She told the officer that her boyfriend works at the bar and she had to go get him. The officer let her go without a ticket or a sobriety test.

Yesterday she had a pizza\slumber party for her 11 yr old. All of my kid were invited to the pizza party but I did not want to stay. I told Turtle that in no way shape or form was she to get into DQ car with her. That I would be back to get her and take her to the house for the slumber party. I also told Turtle that if DQ left at any point that she was to use her friends cell phone to call me and I would come get her.

Mini-me took Turtle into the pizza place and let DQ know that we would be back to get her. With in minutes of us leaving she called me and said that she would just drive Turtle. I told her that it was ok because I had all of Turtles stuff anyways and needed to drop it off. She seemed to be ok with my answer. We picked up Turtle around 730 without any problems but DQ was still cleaning up the food fight the kids had. Mini-me took Turtle over to the house around 830. I reminded Turtle that if DQ left that she had to call me.

I thought all was good as I did not receive a phone call from Turtle. I called DQ around 1130 today and told her I would be there in 30-45 minutes to get Turtle. She offered to drive her I told her no it was ok I had to run some errands. Wouldn't you know it today would be the day that Little Man would have one of his major melt down moments (another story). These are not melt downs that end in a few minutes. It was close to 2 when DQ tried calling me. I did not answer but quickly texted her that I was having an issue and would be there as soon as possible. She was ok with this. Little Man and I were still having issues. She called 2 more times and I could not answer. When I was getting the boys into the car I looked up to see DQ pulling up in front of my house. I was angry!!!

When Turtle came up to me I asked her why she didn't call me and she said that DQ wouldn't let her use the phone. Which it wouldn't really of matter I was not answering. :( Turtle tried to tell her that I wanted her to stay there but DQ told her to get in the car. Turtle being scared did just that.

While making dinner I asked Turtle if DQ left at any point last night and she said yes. WTF??? With in 30 minutes of Turtle getting there DQ had taken a shower and left 3 eleven year old girls by themselves. I asked Turtle why she didn't call me and she said that her friend would not let her use the cell phone. I could tell that Turtle was not telling me everything so I explained that I needed to know so that I could talk to DQ about the situation and that I did not want to look stupid if I had the wrong story. That is when Turtle told me that her friend called DQ (her mom) and told her that I told Turtle that she had to come home if DQ left. DQ told her daughter to tell Turtle that she called me and I said it was OK! I asked Turtle why didn't she call me and double check and she said she was scared and again her friend would not let her use the phone.


As I am writing this out I realized that as a parent I should of and could of called to make sure things are the way they should be. So I take some responsibility in this, however I really hoped that DQ would of been a responsible parent and stayed home for her daughters slumber party.


I am feeling as though I need to let DQ know what my issues are. She keeps bugging me to let her watch Little Bird on Thursdays so I don't have to find childcare for him. I have made every excuse possible to not let her. The distancing myself from her is not working. I am thinking it is time I am fully honest with her but I am not sure how to do that. I have no problem telling her what I think when she asks for it. Coming right out and telling her freaks me out. I don't like confrontation.


I am not sure I want to touch the drinking, men, and leaving her kids home alone issues. Not that I don't want to talk to her about these things. It actually bugs the crap out of me that she drives after drinking so much that she can't see straight, that she parades these men around in front of her kids (especially her girls), and that she just leaves them home alone. I really just want to let her know that I not ok with my kids being in a car that she is driving. If they were in an accident with her there wouldn't be any insurance to cover them.

So what do I do?

Talk to her about all of the issues?
Talk to her about my kids being in a car she is driving\and her leaving my daughter at her house alone?
Try to distance myself even further? (which I am sure I will do)
Not say anything at all? (This will drive me bonkers)

Oh and if I talk to her ... Do I call her? Text her? (yes being serious she is a texter) Write her a letter? I thought about asking her out for a drink but that seems a bit wrong lol. If I talk to her in person I would want it to be a public place and with out the kids around. I am sure she is going to freak out big time.


Let me here it ...

It's not hard to make decisions when you know what your values are. ~Roy Disney

16 Week Challenge ... Week 1 down :)

If you are new to my Challenge check out this post here ...

I originally planned for Sundays to be my update day but I had other things on my mind that needed to be taken care of. I hope to update this Sunday about how this week went.

As I mentioned in the original post about this challenge I was going to take pictures of my progress. That is exactly what I did. I have to admit I am a little embarrassed about how bad my house really is. When I see it in pictures I literally shudder.

A few pictures ...

One side of the bathroom cabinets ... Before

After :)

Saturdays trip to Goodwill :)

Isn't my bathroom a lovely shade of brown and blue?? I had this great idea to paint it to look like the ocean. No I was not on drugs but I almost wish I could say I was because it is hideous. ;) That above pictures are only one half of the bathroom cabinets. It is a double sink with tons of under sink storage. The other side was cleaned out in Jan after the dog we had at the time managed to jump on the counter (it was a doxie) while we were gone and turned the sink on. I had some clothes in the sink at the time. Not only did the sink overflow but one of the pipes leaked onto everything in that cabinet. One full bag of trash was thrown out from the cabinet pictured above. I also sent one box off to Goodwill.

I also worked on the bookshelf at the end of the hallway but don't want to post pictures of it until I am completely done with it. My girls tackled their room with out a fight and they worked together. I am thinking they may have been possessed for a brief amount of time. Not complaining at all mind you but I was a little scared. ;)

Saturday was our Goodwill drop off day. Adding to the pile from earlier in the week ... One more trash bag of clothing (I think), two postal boxes (bathroom stuff and the bookshelf), and one medium size bag with toys in it. I am thinking that I did pretty good for one week of purging.

Remember my struggle with letting Little Birds old Converse go ... I am happy to report that they made it to Goodwill and I did not cry one bit. :) Now if I can only convince Mini-me to let the two bags of Beanie Babies go.

I started cleaning the boys room tonight. Besides the garage this room scares me the most. It really looks like a tornado hit it. The hard part about this room is that Little Man has a very hard time letting go of anything (understandable as I think he feels like so much has been taken from him in his short 9 years of life). I will be working on the room when he is not here. Keeping only the stuff I know that he would notice missing. I feel bad for doing it this way but watching him cry and fight with me over everything is so hard. He has been known to pull things out of the trash and hide them so I can't get rid of it.

Coming together is a beginning. Keeping together is progress. Working together is success. ~Henry Ford

Here is a picture of how cleaning the boys room went tonight ....



No idea where the eye came from but Mini-me and I could not resist a little fun with it. No I didn't throw it out. I was hoping to find another one like it in the room so I could have some real fun.


Oh oh oh ... Grocery shopping was done on Sat instead of Sunday due to Little Man having a basketball game. The kids and I made up our Weekly Menu and shopping list and all 5 of us went to the store. Normally my kids are crazy in the store but they rocked. It was like a challenge for all of them to keep us on budget. Maybe it was because I also dared them to do something while we were in the store (read below). I am proud to report that we spent $89 this week for groceries. That is up $1 from last week but great in my mind.

So I really do think that laughter is what keeps me from losing my mind. While we were in the car getting ready to go into the store I joked around with the kids that we should just stop in the middle of a busy aisle and we should yell "GROUP HUG" and then all hug one another. A few aisles into our shopping you betcha one of my kids yelled "GROUP HUG". I of course started laughing hysterically. I told them that the aisle wasn't busy enough and that I would pay the first kid who said it in the check out line $5. My kids are sneaky .... we get into the check out line and they start whispering to each other. Then all at once 4 kids scream "GROUP HUG" and start hugging and laughing. Then they all informed me that since they said it at the same time I had to pay them each $5. Ha ha ha ... dang it I love them. I bought them each a $1 lottery ticket instead. :)

What soap is to the body, laughter is to the soul. ~Yiddish Proverb