Saturday, January 26, 2013

My Poor Neglected Blog

I think about my blog often. Especially when I get the e-mails stating that there is a new comment that needs publishing. Sadly 99.9% of those comments are just spam bots. Tonight however there was a real comment.
It made me realize that I have neglected my blog. It's not that I don't have a lot of things to say cause I always have stuff to say. ;) I just found a new way to get through things. God is my new blog ... whenever I need to vent, cry, need a friend, etc. He is there for me.

I started my blog as a journal to look back on. It was used for venting and sharing. I miss you my sweet blog but I am glad that I do not need to rely on you for so many things. My life today is so much different now and I am so very happy. :)

I am very very glad that I had to go through all of the things I have written about. They have shaped me and made me who I am today. I am also glad that I wrote those things out and that my life (even though I have been a neglectful blogger) story is helping others. :) God is so powerful and amazing. My struggles that I shared on the internet are helping random people see there life in a different way. Giving them strength and hope to move forward. Thank you Lord!

A quick update then I am off to bed. The last 6 months have been great. I finally moved in August and it was very weird to move to a new place without my Mini-me but I adjusted quickly. Turtle moved in with me full time in October after she and her dad (the ex husband) had a falling out. I only agreed to her moving in full time if she pursued counseling to work on their relationship. They went to counseling for the first time together a little over a week ago. From my understanding it went pretty well. She would like to go back to staying 2 days a week at his house but I am not sure that is going to happen :( It breaks my heart to see my kids hurting ... especially when their dad is the reason why.

Little Man and Little Bird are still splitting time between the two houses and are doing great. The Princess started daycare when I returned to work in Sept. and she loves it. She turned 2 1/2 a few days ago but she looks like she is 18 months. It appears as though she will be petite. :) She is very bright and probably on the edge of being gifted. Not just mom talking ya here. The girl knows all of her colors, can count to 14, knows her shapes and recognizes 5 letters of the alphabet and a few numbers. She speaks like she is 3 or 4. Very articulate and has a great vocabulary. I think she is going to be a lot like Little Man (who is very intelligent).

I returned to work and school in Sept. after an awesome summer. By mid October The Princess and I had both been sick twice. I was stressed with Turtle moving in full time and just exhausted. I did a lot of praying and God showed me that I needed to stop going to school. Huge heartbreak for me but at the same time it was a relief. It took a few weeks to adjust to not having homework every night but my stress levels are so much better. My house is clean all the time now LOL and I get to spend time with my kids. :)

I am very super single and love it. I realized the other day that I am coming up on 3 years of not being in any type of relationship with a man. Totally unheard of for me since I was about 14 years old. I have always had a relationship. If I wasn't hooked up with someone I was flirting. I wouldn't even know if someone was flirting with me these days. Ha ha ha. I am patiently waiting for God to bring me that amazing husband that He has promised me.

Mini-Me and my son in law are doing wonderful. :) Married life is treating them well. Mini-me is going to college full time, teaching dance to 4-6 year olds, and still being a "nanny" to one of my wonderful friends babies.

My dearest blog (and readers if I have any left lol) I will try not to neglect you anymore. I can't promise that I will blog daily, weekly or even monthly but I will try to come and blog at least once every 6 months. :)

To the newest person who commented I hope that you can move forward with out the abusive relationship. You deserve better and so do your children. No one deserves abuse ever! I understand how hard it is to leave and now that your pregnant it seems even harder but do it. Do it for you. Do it for your children. Do it for the baby your growing inside of you. You can and you are fully capable of taking care of your children without a man. Especially one that is abusive. Find new friends that are supportive of you. Show your children what healthy relationships look like and break the cycle of abuse. :)  I have no idea who you are but I will pray for you. :)

I always say it will be a quick blog and it turns into a book ha ha ha ... With all of that I am off to bed.

Sunday, July 22, 2012

A New Season

I have known for a few months now that I would be sitting here writing this post tonight. You would think I would have an idea of what I want to say but I don't. So much time has passed since my last entry on here and so much has happened.
Let's see if I can do a quick time line ...
Dec. 2012 ~ Mini Me got engaged
Jan.  2012 ~ Work, college, kids, general life
Feb. 2012 ~ Wedding date set for July of 2012
Mar. 2012 ~ Spring Break in Ca. (Disneyland Whoo Hoo)
Apr. 2012 ~ Same as Jan. plus wedding planning
May 2012 ~ Again more of the same
June 2012 ~ Mini Me turned 21 :) Had our first beer together at a brewery. Started packing for to move houses and for Mini me to move out. Back to Ca. from June 26 to July 7 YAY more Disneyland and the beach.
July 2012 ~ Return home on July 7 from Ca. Pack remainder of house to move on July 10. Move falls through. Unpack most of house for family that will arrive on July 18 for wedding. July 18 family arrives, July 19 Little Man became a teenager, July 21 Mini Me became a wife ... Today July 22 The Royal Princess is 2.

The last 5 days have been so crazy that the quiet that is happening in my house at this moment is making me feel sad. There were 11 of us in the house. It's just Princess and I now. I have no one to talk to about all of the things on my mind.

Letting go of Mini Me was very hard for me. For the last 6 years she and I have been best friends not just a mother and daughter. When we started attending our church all we heard was how unique and special our relationship was. How others would love to have that with their mothers/daughters. Since the Princess was 6 weeks old Mini Me has been taking care of her while I worked. She picked up the other kids from school each day. She helped me with homework. She listened to me vent about work. Yesterday changed everything ... she will no longer watch the Princess or pick up the kids. She won't be down the hall to help me with a homework question or to listen when I need to vent. It's been just barely 24 hours and I miss her so much.

Silly in some ways because she is literally 10 minutes away and I can always text her but not the same. Her husband will be her best friend (as he should be). I've been preparing myself for this for the past 6 months but when this morning came and everyone left she wasn't here to talk to. I had a moment of crying ... Ok I had 2 moments. They were brief but I imagine that I will cry more this week. I have to tackle the moving issue and I am nervous because I can't call her to vent if anything goes wrong. I need a new friend ... so I am back to blogging.

I will put my words here on the nights that I need to get things out. As sad as I am that Mini Me and I will no longer have the same relationship I am excited for the new things ahead for me and for her. I am having a hard time explaining right now but I can say that I am in a New Season of my life. I am leaving all of the old stuff behind and moving forward. I don't know how long this season will last before a new one comes along. I am just going to embrace what I have right now and go with it.

The Princess is beckoning me to lay down with her so that is my time to end this. I can't leave without pictures though ....

Mini Me looking like a Royal Princess 

Princess ~ Taken at the exact time she was
born 7:53 pm July 22, 2012

Me ~ Ready to give my Mini Me away
I think I look pretty good ;) 

All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another.  ~Anatole France

Saturday, November 19, 2011

Giving Praise

It has been a very very long tough week. Well let's be honest the past 6 weeks have been rough.
Sick kids, sick me, back to sick kids.

Work has been DRAMA central. I belong to a union and there was so much drama they are now involved and there are weekly facilitated meetings to try to work everything out. The meeting on Friday made me so upset that I walked out crying with in the first half hour. I had to go text my mom for prayer. Then I sat at my desk and prayed. I was so upset. I am way better now but not really looking forward to work Monday. I did gain a little respect from some other co-workers. That is always a plus :)

If you read my last post life it's pretty much been the same this week.

The Sped teacher for Little Man is just not doing his job. A month from the IEP meeting and I still don't have an IEP in my hands. Sped teacher admitted on Thursday that he hadn't even started writing it yet. Are you kidding me? Oh and the paperwork I asked to have them fill out for testing ... they got it to me a day later than I asked and only half filled out. Really? I feel like they want my son to fail :( I know not the case but come on people do your job. There our plenty of teachers with out jobs that would take yours in a minute.

The Ex issues are bigger ... the school counselor rocks and came to my work to talk. She knows my time is limited and knew I couldn't afford to miss work. (God is good) The conversation went well and pretty much how I expected it to. Child protective services will be called. I am not even sure I want to go into full details here. I can say that I am anxious about the entire situation. One never knows how the ex will react to things. He either does an about face and pulls his head out of his butt (at least temporarily) or he gets angrier and worse in his behaviors. I am hoping for the first and that is is permanent.

Even with the kind of week I had I am still giving Praise to my Heavenly Father. :) Never an easy thing to do when all you really want to do is tell the world where to shove it and crawl into a bed. God is just growing me up (again). Building character in me. James 1 is a great example of giving praise in times of turmoil.
I will continue to Praise the Lord :) In good times and in bad.

Pluses about this week ...
Princess is feeling better (she was the latest sick kid in this house)
Even though I thought it was going to kill me to stand my Mommy ground I did it. :) I had grounded Turtle and was going to cave in due to exhaustion from my very long week and not wanting to deal with more attitude from her. I didn't cave and she apologized. YAY a mommy victory!
A very nice coworker who knows my financial situation has offered the kids and I a food basket from his church for Thanksgiving. He was afraid to ask if I wanted it cause he didn't want to embarrass me. :( I am so blessed that he did ask and that I let my pride go and excepted it. I have learned that God provides for me in the craziest of ways and I need to except when it happens.
Even though the meeting was tough at work. I prayed. I regained my composure. Went back in and was able to get my points across later in the meeting. A huge achievement for me as it is very hard for me to speak up in general ... let alone an environment that is very hostile.
DUDE I am alive :) Just getting to be alive is a pretty awesome thing. I survived the week.

I was looking at some comments before I posted this and I came across one that had been left under this post. Can I just tell you I don't remember writing that post but I do remember why I was so upset. I am so glad God let me go through that time. He let me go through that time to grow. Just like I am going through things now. Yes they are different now cause He is working on other things in me. What is even way cooler to me ... the comments I have been getting lately have all had the same theme. Single moms struggling and finding my blog. My blog that has given them hope and encouragement. God used me ... me! Little Ol' Me to bless other people. My story and struggles are helping others. God is using my struggles to not only build me up but to build others up. What an amazing God. :) I will take struggles any day of the week if it means that my struggles and my love for the Lord can help another person.

Oh another plus ... I finished all of my Excel homework. Just have my final exam on Dec. 5. I am so very happy that I do not have any more homework in that class. That is some hard stuff to learn. LOL

Off to bed ...

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Sick, Learning Disorders, and Ex Issues

I've been wanting to post for a week or so. I have stuff to say ... then I got sick. I have been sick for a week and let me tell you I am so over being sick. I am tired of coughing. I am so not doing well with minimal sleep (from the coughing). Having a 15 month old that is cutting 3 molars is not helping in the sleep area.

Life has been good. Even as I type this life is good. I have to had the BUT .... but it has been crazy. Seriously every time I move a step closer to God I find myself under major attack from the enemy. Life was nice and calm for a little while there. Now it is just crazy insane nonsense. Pardon my jumbled thoughts I think I might be a little rusty and typing out my thoughts. LOL

I  am trying deal with Little Man probably having a learning disability and ADD. Even though I have always known in the back of my mind that he might have ADD it is still like a kick to the gut. I question what I may have done. Why didn't I have him tested sooner. Typical mom feelings when she finds out something is wrong with her child. Real quick background ... Little Man is not and has not been a typical child. I have known since he was about 2 that he was extremely intelligent. Not just intelligent but brilliant. At 3 I read him Go Dog Go before bed one night. The next night he told me what was on each page before I could even read it to him.  School was a struggle. I had teachers calling me and telling me he was immature in Kinder and 1st grade. He couldn't sit still. He was a distraction. At the end of his 3rd grade year I was asked to come in and discuss Little Man's issues with reading and writing. I agreed to testing and we put him on an IEP. Three years later my son can't write at anything better than a 2nd to 3rd grade level. He is in 7th grade.

Is it the school's fault? Is it my fault? Why can't he write? No one explains to you the IEP process. As a parent you are thrown into a world that you don't understand and the school says they will take care of it. Learning accommodations are put on paper but I am learning that they have never been implemented. At least not for my son. If I had been in a better more stable place in the past 5 years I would have researched more for my son. I would have been paying attention to what was and wasn't happening for him at school and with his learning.

Three weeks ago I had his IEP meeting. Same complaints as usual. He can't write. He doesn't turn in his work. He fidgets in class. One teacher even asked if he could be using a computer in her class. My response was well it's in his accommodations but no one has ever offered it to him. GRRR!!! I left the meeting feeling frustrated. I went to work and started sharing with co-workers (I work for a school district). Advice started flying and now I am on a major mission to make changes for my son.

In the last 3 weeks I have learned through test score that my son took in the 4th grade that he is smart. I mean like uber freakin smart. At 9 years old my son tested at a college level for oral expression. In math he tested at an 8th grade level in 4th grade. Even though I have always known in my mom heart how smart he is it was still a huge shock to see it on paper. I sat in complete shock for about 15 minutes. Sadly those same tests showed that his writing ability was in the 1st grade level.

I am pretty sure my son falls into this Twice Exceptional category. After spending a lot of time talking with my son and looking back over the past few years I am pretty sure he has Dysgraphia. I am in the process of filling out paperwork to have him tested at the research center here in town. It's taken 3 weeks to even get the paperwork from them. It will be another 3 before an appointment is scheduled and then I am told it can be a 6 month wait before the actual appointment. :( In the mean time I have asked for an advocate to come with me to the school and help get more accommodations for him and actually have them followed.

Just the issues with Little Man have been draining on me. I feel as though I am a walking zombie with this cold. I keep asking the Lord for strength to get through everything and just when I think I am taking a step forward something else pops up.
Last night it was an email from Turtle. The kids go to their dads Sun-Tues. I pick them up on Wed from school. Normally Turtle has her cell phone but she just happened to get grounded before she left to the Ex's on Sun. So she basically tells me in her email that once again they were not allowed to go home after school. Turtle called him from the school office at 4 to find out what they were supposed to do. He told them to walk down to the supermarket and wait there. So they did and they waited 45 minutes. Since she didn't have her phone and it was getting dark she and Little Man walked to a friends house to call their dad. He got upset with them for leaving the store and yelled at them. She then said it took another 20 minutes before he picked them up.
This is not the first time he has told them they are not allowed to go home after school. In fact it happens almost every week. His reason why ... cause his girlfriend who he lives with is sleeping. She works nights. However her daughter who is also in middle school gets to go home right after school. Are you kidding me??? My children are left at school or to wander the streets for 2 hours after school but hers gets to go home??
So Turtle went to the school counselor today to discuss the problem. I spent 20 minutes talking to the counselor tonight on the phone. The only reason she did not call CPS was because she knows me and wanted to discuss the situation with me first.
So now the counselor is calling the Ex to talk with him. She agrees with me that my kids are not in a safe place when they are with their dad. (Someone remind me to blog about the 4th of July and what happened with the Ex) I am expecting major fall out with the Ex. He is either going to take his anger out on me, the kids, or all of us. :( The counselor and I agreed that if that is the case then a call to CPS will be made. :(

I would love to have my kids full time if it meant they were safe and my Ex would stop being a abusive jerk to me and them. However I don't think I have what it takes right now for a custody battle. :( I know that God has a plan in all of this. I know HE will take care of my kids and me. But gosh darn it I am human and I lack faith at times.

I believe I have rambled on enough for the night. LOL I need to take my coughing sick self to bed. I need strength emotionally, physically and mentally for the battle I will need to fight in the upcoming days and months.

Man I miss blogging. I need to start taking a day of rest and spend it doing things I love. Like sewing and writing on here. I know sewing isn't really resting but it is my happy thing that relaxes me. :)

Thursday, August 4, 2011


Oh my goodness! I am not really sure how I came across my newest addiction. I think I saw it on a few blogs. Just the word. Nothing else. I needed to know what it was. I Googled it. Now I am ADDICTED!!

Have you been to Pinterest yet? Oh my goodness I could spend all day on there looking at all of the pin boards. I have found some amazing recipes, awesome sewing tutorials, and just some awesome cuteness. I started a wedding album with cute ideas ... you know for when my girls get married.

If you are on Pinterest already let me know and I will add you. I seriously think I might need an intervention ...

Other than my new addiction there is not one exciting thing happening in my part of the world. I mean unless you think them totally repaving my neighborhood. My car is parked 4 blocks away as we can't drive on the street. I am working on table pieces for a wedding .... I guess that is exciting. lol I am getting paid a little which is always nice.

I am off to sew

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Summer Sewing

So I was laid off again this past June. No big deal  as I was number 2 on the recall list (I was recalled this week). I normally have summers off anyways so getting laid off just meant that I would receive unemployment this year. Which has proven to be very handy as I had no idea how I was going to pay for anything.

Anyways ... with all of my free time I have been sewing, sewing, sewing, and sewing. Have I mentioned how much I LOVE sewing? It makes me so happy inside. :)

The Princess has all sorts of cute dresses ...

I love this fabric!!



Minnie Mouse

  Snow White

She has her very own line of Princess dresses to wear. :) Man I am so glad that God blessed me with another daughter. I love sewing for my kids but she makes sewing that much more fun. 

My favorite project so far this summer has been the Mickey Mouse quilt. (Do you see a theme here yet?)
I am on a major Disney kick. I love Disney. I want to go to Disneyland like yesterday! It makes me feel all happy inside like sewing does. So I had this crazy idea to make a rainbow colored Mickey Mouse head quilt. I get so excited when I picture something in my head and it turns out even better. :) 

Doesn't this just scream Disney World of Color? I want to take this to Disneyland and sit right in front of the castle and have a picnic. I still can't believe that God has given me such an amazing talent. This was a picture in my head. It was colored fabric on bolts in a store. It is now a quilt to cuddle under, have a picnic on, smile while you watch fireworks or your favorite Disney movie. I feel so blessed to be able to create and sew. 

The Princess needs me :) She is standing here talking her sweet baby talk. Here is my plug for myself ... If you  like any of the things I have made you can purchase them in my Etsy (<---- You know you want to visit) shop. I also do custom orders :) In fact today I will be making 35 table cloths for a wedding that is 10 days away. 

No time for a quote today.

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

It has been 8 months since I have written.
Life in general seem to keep me from here. When I started my blog it was mainly to write about life when I couldn't find any other way to deal with things. God now plays a huge role in my life ... blogging has taken a back seat. I miss my blog. I miss writing. I have been wanting to come back and write again just haven't found the time. Mini-me even said that I need to write again. Just to write.

So life is good. :) 8 months of life has passed and I can say pretty much drama free. I have been blessed countless times over the past few months. God really has been taking care of me. I have healed a few sore spots on my heart and life. I still have a lot more to work on. Areas I could write about and I hope to write about.

Maybe I will come back this evening and write more ... I noticed that someone missed me :) and I have a few new followers. I am glad that even though I don't blog as much as I used to my blog has been an encouragement to others. :) Praise the Lord for using my struggles to help others see that they can make it through!!

Princess turned 1 this past Friday .... and boy has she grown since I last wrote. Leaving you all with a picture of her. Off to make dinner, pick up the house and sew.

At the zoo 3 days before her 1st Birthday