Sometimes ...

One handed typing and need to vent ...


Even with my faith in God I struggle daily.
Money is so seriously non existant around here I want to cry.
I have no idea how I am going to pay the rent for Sept.
Mini-me is not working and neither am I.
Even when I go back to work my first paycheck won't come in until Oct.
That means Oct rent is impossible to pay and then there are the bills that are stacking up. :(

As if money wasn't stressing me out enough I have an Ex husband who is a jerk and a half and that is putting it nicely.
I seriously should not be allowed to pick the next man I date (if I ever date again). I have a horrible man picker. :(
So my move has put the kids out of the boundries for the schools they have gone to for years.
The Ex has decided with his girlfriend that Little Bird should go to a different school by him.
I (and the kids) want to put in for a transfer and stay at the schools they have gone to.
The Ex came to my house Sat to drop off boys and started yelling at me ... when asked to leave he got louder. At that moment I was wishing my police officer neighbor was home ... sigh
Today when he came to get the kids he said some things that were just not appropriate to say to the kids ... that had to do with the fight he and I had Sat. :(
Now I get a lengthy email telling me how he called the School District and how he is insisting the kids use his home addy for school. He still insists Little Bird goes to the school he wants him to.

I am so tired of men telling me how I am going to raise MY children. It would be different if they were "real" fathers who actually contributed to the lives of their children. The Ex only does things for the kids at his convenience ... or in typical divorced parent fashion to make me look bad. Cause you know its a competition on who does or gives the kids the most. :(

He called me white trash on Sat. and told me that I was a failure as a parent because I didn't throw Little Bird a birthday party or plan one for him. :( I know this shouldn't hurt me as I know I am not a failure as a parent nor am I white trash but it does. :( I already struggle with the fact that I can't provide things like birthday parties for my kids ... I work, go to school and raise kids while he goes to school and lives off his girlfriend and unemployment. GRRR

I am just struggling :( I love God and I know without a doubt he will provide for me and my babies. I know that I should not worry about the money, The Ex being a jerk or anything else but dang it I do. Sometimes I just want to holler and cry at God. I want to ask why? and please show me what you have planned but I know that is pointless. He is using all of these things to build me up ... to refine me. *sigh*

I need Prayer ... I would ask for money lol but not sure anyone is willing to just send that to me or pay my bills. Hey I still have a sense of humor :) I need to find time to sew and get my stuff on Etsy .... then I need to have faith that it will sell.

Ok going to bed as my sweet Baby B will be up soon to nurse.

I go back to work in 2 weeks ... I have no one to watch the baby and oh then there is the matter of money to pay someone to watch her. SIGH :( Learning to pump my milk the last 2 days has been a challenge.

More later ...

Settling in to our new life ...

I think we are settled in for the most part.
Moving was chaotic and stressful to me and Mini-me but it is over. Unpacking is still a work in progress. Our new place is smaller so finding a place for everything is a bit of a challenge.

Baby B is doing wonderful. :) As of last Friday at her 2 week check-up she was 6lbs 10oz (up 6oz from birth) and she was 19 inches long (up a half an inch from birth). She is just a tiny little thing.
Her favorite spot is on my chest curled into a tight ball. Today she was fussing while on my shoulder I slid her down a little pushed her legs under her and she instantly stopped eyes closed and she was out. So sweet *sigh*

The Coach is a loser. I know I know not very nice to say but oh so true for so many reasons. He has not seen Baby B since she was 3 days old. He texted me when she was 10 days old. Instructing me to set up a time to meet with him so we could go over a parenting plan. Ummm hello parent-that-doesn't-really-give-a-crap Baby B is not leaving my side anytime soon.
After sending the same text to me on day 14 and day 17 of Baby B's life he finally called and told me that I had to make time to meet with him. Ha ha ha ... My response was not one that he liked very much.

I would really like to tell him where he can shove it however I am trying to treat him as God would. Not an easy task I tell ya. Sigh If he wants to see Baby B he needs to pull his head out of his butt and call me and ask to come see her. Unless God preforms a miracle I don't see The Coach changing anytime soon.

I have sent in the paperwork to get child support started. Doubt I will see any money anytime soon but I want him to realize he is not going to walk all over me anymore.

As for Baby B's birth story I am getting to it I promise. :) More pictures or maybe a video will be posted also. I can't believe that I had a baby 3 weeks ago and moved across the city when she was 10 days old ... and we both survived lol.

Money ... well I would say money is tight but that is an understatement lol. I received a surprise check from the insurance company however it was gone before I could get it to the bank. :( I am seriously fully relying on God to provide for us.

I am off to feed a baby and deal with an 11 year old boy who is testing my patience. LOL

To go or not to go ...

So a year ago I made a promise to Mini-me and her bio-dad that she and I would go to Hawaii after Graduation. It would be a birthday/grad gift. We were supposed to go last year but I felt a family vacation with all of the kids to Ca. to visit family was more important.

So here we are one month away from her birthday and 5 weeks away from graduation and I don't know what to do. A co-worker of mine is from Hawaii and lives on the island that we planned on going to. She asked me 2 weeks ago if Mini-me and I wanted to come with her on her trip. She will be staying with her brother and he has already said it is ok for Mini-me to come and stay there. My co-worker has told me that we won't need to worry about transportation as her brother has a car and she will be renting one. Food will be taken care of also. Of course I would want to pitch in some money for food and gas.

Up until 2 weeks ago I had enough airline miles to fly both of us there and back. I gave half of my miles away to my mom so she could be here to watch her 1st grandchild graduate from high school. So now I only have enough miles for one of us. If we chose to go we would have to purchase one ticket with cash.

I have been watching Alaska Airlines (who my miles are through) and I found a round trip flight for $500. Even better I wouldn't be using all of my miles for this trip. I would have a little left. Even better it is for 10 days instead of the 7 I had planned on going. My Ex has even agreed to watch the other kids while we are gone. Oh and Mini-me's bio-dad has offered to help pay for the ticket. I am thinking he is going to pay half of it.

Who would pass up a trip for 2 to Hawaii for 10 days for $500? Oh that would be me ... well it may be me. As I stated in a previous post (to lazy to get link) my house is being foreclosed on in August. How do I justify a trip like this when my home is going to be taken away from me for not paying? Not that I didn't want to pay it ... I really should post the full story here one day of how this all happened. Anyways ...

When I got my tax refund way back in January I put it into my bank account and it has been sitting there since. I was behind on the mortgage already and had hoped that the money would be used to help get me caught up or work out a modification with the mortgage company but they have not been willing to work with me. :( I am not giving up the fight on the house by the way.

So what do I do? Do I take some of the tax money and take the trip I promised a year ago? Do I tell Mini-me I am sorry we just can't do it?

I feel like crap either way. If we don't go then I feel like I have let her down. I promised her this trip for a few years. If we go then I feel like I am being bad with my money situation.

*sigh* Anyone want to give me their thoughts on this? What would you do if you were in my shoes?

Money is power, freedom, a cushion, the root of all evil, the sum of blessings. ~Carl Sandburg

A Review: Zenni Optical (Online Prescription Glasses)

So I thought I would change things up and do a review. Back in December I had my annual eye exam and quickly realized that both my contacts and glasses would need to be updated. Like most insurance companies out there mine will only cover one or the other. This was an easy choice for me as I wear my contacts daily and my glasses for a short few hours before bed time.

Skip forward to February when I was sent an e-mail with a link to Zenni Opitcal. Being a single mom with very limited funds and needing updated glasses I decided to check it out. Really prescription glasses starting at $8? I thought for sure there had to be a catch.

I spent over an hour looking through all of the information on the site. Spent another 30 minutes or so Googling reviews to see what type of experiences others had with them. All I could come up with was a few complaints regarding shipping time. Something I could easily overlook considering the prices for complete prescription glasses started at $8.

I admit I was a little nervous about ordering glasses from an online site. The fact that you can't try the frames on to see what you looked like was a scary thought to me. I mean who wants to order glasses, no matter how cheap and realize you look like a goof in them. I found two solutions to this problem. 1) Go to your nearest eye care place (Wal-Mart, Lens Crafters, Rainbow Optics) and try on glasses that you like. Then ask for the measurements of the frames. 2) Take a pair of glasses that you own\wear already and measure them.

There are full instructions on the site for what needs to be measured. After you have your measurements and an idea of what you are looking for you can have fun looking through all of the frames. After you find something you like and the measurements seem to be in the range you are looking for it's time to put in your prescription info.

You will need a current prescription for eye glasses. You can not use a prescription for contacts as they are not the same. If you are getting your eyes checked soon make sure you ask for the tech to do a Pupillary Distance (PD) measurement. If you've already had your eyes examined you can grab a friend, spouse, or a kid that knows how to measure and have them help with this part. It's a simple measurement to do even on someone like me with bouncy eyes (according to Mini-me my eyes bounce all over the place).

If the frames you have chosen have a color option don't forget to change that. Want some extras for your lenses? You can add AR Anti-Reflection Coating or Lens Tinting for an additional $4.95. Want some Clip On Polarized 80% Sunshades they are only $3.95.

So you need Bi Focals, Progressive, Photochromic or a higher index lens. No problem they can do it. Prices range from $17 to $37. If you need extra strength lenses like me it will automatically change that box for you when you put in your prescription. A whopping $9 add on.

If you need specialty glasses like the ones I just listed it can take up to 4 weeks from ordering to get your shipment. What's really cool about shipping is that you can order as many pairs of glasses as you want and the shipping cost is just $4.95. This is where you order glasses for everyone in the family that needs them and have them shipped for one low price.

On March 10th I finally chose the frames that I wanted and placed my order. My kids thought that the green frames looked pretty awesome and suggested that I get them. I really wanted the black but they came with orange on them and living in Duck Country I can't wear Beaver colors.

My vision is horrible and I needed the extra strength prescription. Bumping my order up to $28.00. I figured that when I do wear my glasses it is while I am on the computer and it coudln't hurt to spend the $4.95 on the AR Anti Reflective Coating. Add on the AR coating and my shipping my grand total was $37.90 for a cute and stylish pair of prescription glasses.

Now I thought for sure with the adding on of the AR coating and the extra strength lenses that my glasses would not make it to me for 3 weeks or so. I was very happy when on March 19th I received an e-mail from Zenni letting me know that my glasses were being shipped the next day.
My new glasses arrived yesterday via the Postal Services. Thirteen (oh my favorite number) days after placing my order my glasses were in my hands. They come with a hard plastic case and a cleaning cloth.

I can not tell you how happy with my glasses. The prescription is perfect as are the frames. The price and shipping time totally rocked this single moms world. I wore them out last night to meet a friend and I received a couple of compliments. I am considering ordering another pair just to have a back up. I love my contacts but there are times I like to wear my glasses. Having two to choose from would be cool.

I am also wanting to order another pair because the price can't be beat. Zenni Optical has just gotten 2 thumbs up from this single mom. Let me know if you decide to try them out. I would love to hear your experiences with them.

I will be back later to add a picture of myself in my glasses. :)

How do I let go? .... Part 2

So I am sitting here going back and forth with myself about how to deal with the Mr. Bend. I had a great talk with my mom today about it. She told me to just not say anything to him at all and keep the trailer until he contacted me for it. I explained that I do not want him to have any reason to contact me. That I just wanted to move forward. She agreed that I was right. Then she tells me that really he left the trailer here and has not responded to my phone calls or text messages so I technically own it now. I love my mom. I really could argue that possession is 9/10ths of the law but I am not sure I want to go there right now.

I tried starting an email to him a few minutes ago but I can't seem to get out what I am feeling inside. I am not worried about him trying to work his way back into my life. I am not worried about me letting him back in. I am way to smart and strong to let him back into my life. ;) No matter how lonely I am feeling. Really my fear is about this stupid trailer and my garbage. If I give him the trailer back I will not have any way to take my garbage to the dump. I can't afford garbage service at all ... in fact I owe them money. :( Since I own my house I can't just leave the garbage on the side of the house until I find another solution or the City will fine me up to $2000 ... I've already gotten a warning in the last year for this. *sigh*

I am sitting here laughing at myself ... it is a trailer and I can't let it go. I am so fearful of what may happen if I let it go that I am letting that control me. What I should be doing is having some Faith that God will provide me with the means to take care of the garbage.

Grr .... somedays I feel like I have not grown at all in the letting go department and other days I feel like I am the Queen. And I am not just talking about the letting go of men ... I am talking about letting go of anything in my life.

Off to write an email ....

*update*

I wrote and sent the email 15 minutes ago. I was tempted to text him to check his email but decided not to. I assume he checks his email daily and he will read it sooner or later.

Courage is being afraid but going on anyhow. ~Dan Rather

Feed your faith and your fears will starve to death. ~Author Unknown

Break Time at Work :)

When the School District Super comes for a visit and asks if you need anything it probably is not a good idea to say "Yeah I could use more money." It is possible that after you leave the room you will realize that it sounded like you were asking for a raise when in reality you were asking for more money for the school.

Yep I said that today ... I am hoping that she understood how I meant that. It is eating at me something fierce right now.