Monday, August 23, 2010

Sometimes ...

One handed typing and need to vent ...

Even with my faith in God I struggle daily.
Money is so seriously non existant around here I want to cry.
I have no idea how I am going to pay the rent for Sept.
Mini-me is not working and neither am I.
Even when I go back to work my first paycheck won't come in until Oct.
That means Oct rent is impossible to pay and then there are the bills that are stacking up. :(

As if money wasn't stressing me out enough I have an Ex husband who is a jerk and a half and that is putting it nicely.
I seriously should not be allowed to pick the next man I date (if I ever date again). I have a horrible man picker. :(
So my move has put the kids out of the boundries for the schools they have gone to for years.
The Ex has decided with his girlfriend that Little Bird should go to a different school by him.
I (and the kids) want to put in for a transfer and stay at the schools they have gone to.
The Ex came to my house Sat to drop off boys and started yelling at me ... when asked to leave he got louder. At that moment I was wishing my police officer neighbor was home ... sigh
Today when he came to get the kids he said some things that were just not appropriate to say to the kids ... that had to do with the fight he and I had Sat. :(
Now I get a lengthy email telling me how he called the School District and how he is insisting the kids use his home addy for school. He still insists Little Bird goes to the school he wants him to.

I am so tired of men telling me how I am going to raise MY children. It would be different if they were "real" fathers who actually contributed to the lives of their children. The Ex only does things for the kids at his convenience ... or in typical divorced parent fashion to make me look bad. Cause you know its a competition on who does or gives the kids the most. :(

He called me white trash on Sat. and told me that I was a failure as a parent because I didn't throw Little Bird a birthday party or plan one for him. :( I know this shouldn't hurt me as I know I am not a failure as a parent nor am I white trash but it does. :( I already struggle with the fact that I can't provide things like birthday parties for my kids ... I work, go to school and raise kids while he goes to school and lives off his girlfriend and unemployment. GRRR

I am just struggling :( I love God and I know without a doubt he will provide for me and my babies. I know that I should not worry about the money, The Ex being a jerk or anything else but dang it I do. Sometimes I just want to holler and cry at God. I want to ask why? and please show me what you have planned but I know that is pointless. He is using all of these things to build me up ... to refine me. *sigh*

I need Prayer ... I would ask for money lol but not sure anyone is willing to just send that to me or pay my bills. Hey I still have a sense of humor :) I need to find time to sew and get my stuff on Etsy .... then I need to have faith that it will sell.

Ok going to bed as my sweet Baby B will be up soon to nurse.

I go back to work in 2 weeks ... I have no one to watch the baby and oh then there is the matter of money to pay someone to watch her. SIGH :( Learning to pump my milk the last 2 days has been a challenge.

More later ...

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Oh So Cute ...

Sweet Baby B smiling in her car seat as I did my hair this morning.
My Big brother and I ... I believe I was 7 weeks old. 
( I had a big head LOL)

Half asleep on my couch with a baby sprawled across my lap. Just wanted to share a picture of her from this morning and one of me when I was a baby. I can see now why everyone thinks she looks like me ... I still see a lot of her dad in her expressions. 

A daughter is a day brightener and a heart warmer.  ~Author Unknown
(and I am so blessed to have 3 daughters)

Friday, August 13, 2010

Settling in to our new life ...

I think we are settled in for the most part.
Moving was chaotic and stressful to me and Mini-me but it is over. Unpacking is still a work in progress. Our new place is smaller so finding a place for everything is a bit of a challenge.

Baby B is doing wonderful. :) As of last Friday at her 2 week check-up she was 6lbs 10oz (up 6oz from birth) and she was 19 inches long (up a half an inch from birth). She is just a tiny little thing.
Her favorite spot is on my chest curled into a tight ball. Today she was fussing while on my shoulder I slid her down a little pushed her legs under her and she instantly stopped eyes closed and she was out. So sweet *sigh*

The Coach is a loser. I know I know not very nice to say but oh so true for so many reasons. He has not seen Baby B since she was 3 days old. He texted me when she was 10 days old. Instructing me to set up a time to meet with him so we could go over a parenting plan. Ummm hello parent-that-doesn't-really-give-a-crap Baby B is not leaving my side anytime soon.
After sending the same text to me on day 14 and day 17 of Baby B's life he finally called and told me that I had to make time to meet with him. Ha ha ha ... My response was not one that he liked very much.

I would really like to tell him where he can shove it however I am trying to treat him as God would. Not an easy task I tell ya. Sigh If he wants to see Baby B he needs to pull his head out of his butt and call me and ask to come see her. Unless God preforms a miracle I don't see The Coach changing anytime soon.

I have sent in the paperwork to get child support started. Doubt I will see any money anytime soon but I want him to realize he is not going to walk all over me anymore.

As for Baby B's birth story I am getting to it I promise. :) More pictures or maybe a video will be posted also. I can't believe that I had a baby 3 weeks ago and moved across the city when she was 10 days old ... and we both survived lol.

Money ... well I would say money is tight but that is an understatement lol. I received a surprise check from the insurance company however it was gone before I could get it to the bank. :( I am seriously fully relying on God to provide for us.

I am off to feed a baby and deal with an 11 year old boy who is testing my patience. LOL

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Moving ...

Crazy chaos will give details later.

Moving is hard.
Moving out of your home of 11 years hurts.
Moving with 12 day old baby ... and feeling useless as I can't do much.

Need major prayer about money as I have $500 to make it to Oct. and I got a cancelation notice on my car insurance today and my phone. :( Mini-me lost job last week so there is no income happening her.

Typing one handed need to change baby B.
Will update soon.