Settling in to our new life ...

I think we are settled in for the most part.
Moving was chaotic and stressful to me and Mini-me but it is over. Unpacking is still a work in progress. Our new place is smaller so finding a place for everything is a bit of a challenge.

Baby B is doing wonderful. :) As of last Friday at her 2 week check-up she was 6lbs 10oz (up 6oz from birth) and she was 19 inches long (up a half an inch from birth). She is just a tiny little thing.
Her favorite spot is on my chest curled into a tight ball. Today she was fussing while on my shoulder I slid her down a little pushed her legs under her and she instantly stopped eyes closed and she was out. So sweet *sigh*

The Coach is a loser. I know I know not very nice to say but oh so true for so many reasons. He has not seen Baby B since she was 3 days old. He texted me when she was 10 days old. Instructing me to set up a time to meet with him so we could go over a parenting plan. Ummm hello parent-that-doesn't-really-give-a-crap Baby B is not leaving my side anytime soon.
After sending the same text to me on day 14 and day 17 of Baby B's life he finally called and told me that I had to make time to meet with him. Ha ha ha ... My response was not one that he liked very much.

I would really like to tell him where he can shove it however I am trying to treat him as God would. Not an easy task I tell ya. Sigh If he wants to see Baby B he needs to pull his head out of his butt and call me and ask to come see her. Unless God preforms a miracle I don't see The Coach changing anytime soon.

I have sent in the paperwork to get child support started. Doubt I will see any money anytime soon but I want him to realize he is not going to walk all over me anymore.

As for Baby B's birth story I am getting to it I promise. :) More pictures or maybe a video will be posted also. I can't believe that I had a baby 3 weeks ago and moved across the city when she was 10 days old ... and we both survived lol.

Money ... well I would say money is tight but that is an understatement lol. I received a surprise check from the insurance company however it was gone before I could get it to the bank. :( I am seriously fully relying on God to provide for us.

I am off to feed a baby and deal with an 11 year old boy who is testing my patience. LOL

Moving ...

Crazy chaos will give details later.

Moving is hard.
Moving out of your home of 11 years hurts.
Moving with 12 day old baby ... and feeling useless as I can't do much.

Need major prayer about money as I have $500 to make it to Oct. and I got a cancelation notice on my car insurance today and my phone. :( Mini-me lost job last week so there is no income happening her.

Typing one handed need to change baby B.
Will update soon.

My ESP, a Vent, and Baby/House news

Oh where to start ... Just over an hour ago I walked into Mini-me's room and said ...
"I have this very bizarre feeling that The Coach will contact me soon"

Came to my room sat on the bed with my laptop. Phone next to me and about 15 minutes later it lights up with a text from who else but The Coach. I screamed "Oh My Gosh" in such a way that Mini-me yelled back "Oh my gosh did your water just break?"

I told her no that she had to come look at my phone and she started freaking out. She accused me of contacting him LOL. It is a bit freaky that I have some strange ability to sense when things are going to happen.

So it's been somewhere between 12-14 weeks since of no contact on his part. Well minus the day I met him for lunch ... about 7 weeks ago now. That was the day he proceeded to tell me he wants to go to the rest of the Dr. appointments. After much prayer on my part I called and left him a message the night before the appointment. Texted him on the way to the appointment. I believe I posted all of this. Did he show? Did he call? Did he text? Oh that would be NO No and no. So in my eyes everything he said that day was a lie.

Now tonight at 10:30pm. 9 days before my due date he has the freakin nerve to text me and say the follow ...
"Hey I just wanted 2 check on u. Dont kno where u stand but I still wanna kno wuts goin on and be there. B nice 2 talk again. Hope you and Dani r healthy ... "
(umm yes that is exactly how he texted it to me ... He is a 35 yr old man that texts like he is 16)

Please forgive me Lord ... BUT ARE YOU F'ING KIDDING ME?? A text message. Not a phone call. At 10:30 at night. Not during the day or early evening when most people contact other people. He wants to check on me? For what? He has not had one ounce of interest since he got a new girlfriend. It would be nice to talk to me? Hmm well the last I checked talking meant you had to CALL not text. What could we possibly talk about? How he still hasn't gotten a job for the summer? How he promises to be around for Dani when she is born. Or how we need to work out a parenting plan? Oh maybe he will finally tell me he has a girlfriend. Oh oh oh I got it ... he wants to talk so he can tell me he misses me and the good times. HA HA HA And he hopes we are healthy ... uh huh I am glad that has been a huge concern the last 14 weeks.

Ok I feel way better getting that off my chest. I have not responded to his text. I paced back and forth in my hallway for a good 20 minutes. I vented a crap load to Mini-me who reminded me to Pray Pray Pray. I love that girl. I do not plan on responding to his text unless God gives me His words to say. I know that there is no way that I could respond in a nice way at all. He will get a phone call from me after the baby is born.

Speaking of the baby ... I spent most of my night contracting. Major ones that kept me awake and tossing and turning. I got about 3 hours sleep. And because this is my blog I am just going to be gross so if you don't want to read the gross stuff skip to the next paragraph now ... I lost a huge chunk of bloody show this morning and a ton more this evening and tonight. Seriously I hope I am making some progress on the dilating and effacing front.

I am going to call my Dr. in the morning and ask to come in and be checked. She is on call and said if I was having ANY contractions to call. LOL I believe that 4 in an hour counts and with the gross stuff I mentioned above it is worth a call. :)

I fully believe by this time tomorrow night (Thursday night) I will be holding my sweet baby girl. If I am not I will be very very surprised.

On the house front ... I found two places last night while I was online and called first thing this morning. One of them didn't except housing assistance which sucked cause the house is in the area we want to live. The second house "may" accept the housing assistance and it is about 15-20 minutes from where we live now. My kids would have to be driven to school everyday and my drive to work and the college would be long.

They got me in to view the house with in the hour of calling them. To my surprise the house is in a neighborhood that is adorable. There is a police officer in the house right next door. AND AND AND ... The house is exactly what I have been looking for (minus location). Size perfect. Lots of kitchen cabinets. Hardwood floors throughout. Two car garage (and it's large) with laundry hook ups in it. The master bedroom even has a small half bath. :-o That would mean no more waiting outside the bathroom door lol.

The lady at the property company was so so so nice. I explained everything to her. About being pregnant and due any minute with an induction set for Monday. I told her about the house selling and my credit situation. The housing assistance and needing to be out of my house by the 28th. She suggested writing a letter explaining my situation to the owner of the house and she will include it with our applications. She said she will pass it by the owner and the manager of the property company before I pay for the application fees. Just in case the owner won't accept the housing assistance. I had already planned on writing a letter but her suggesting it made me feel even better.

So I filled out the apps for Mini-me and I and wrote a letter and emailed it all to the lady. Now I pray that if it's the right house God will work everything out for us. :) I really don't want to be that far out from where we live now but I am totally trusting that God has this all taken care of.


I hope that my next blog post has a picture of me holding a baby girl. :) Or me updating to say that I am in labor and then me holding her. :)

Joyful Summer Nights

It's been an emotional few days for me. I am seriously ready to meet this baby.
I have 11 days now to find a place to live and move out of my home of 11 years. I have yet to find us a safe place to call our new home.
Not having a job during the summer months always stresses me out. The lack of income is scary for me. I do have money set aside but with having to move and a new baby I worry.
I have God and that is where I have put all of my worries, stresses and fears. My faith is still intact and even though I see no hope I know that He has a plan for us and will take care of us.

On Monday it will be 11 years to the exact day that I gave birth to my sweet, cuddly, loving, Little Man. I am still in shock that he will be 11 and entering middle school in just a few short weeks.

In typical mom fashion I asked him what he wanted for his birthday. I have come to realize over the last year or so that I don't have typical kids. They don't ask for big parties so they can get lots of gifts. They usually want to just do a lunch or dinner as a family. They ask for one big gift and maybe a couple of smaller ones. What has really surprised me is that they have all started asking for me to make them gifts. It started with Little Bird last August when he asked for a Disney Cars pillow. Not a pillow you sleep with but a throw pillow with a special cover made by me. He asked for another pillow at Christmas time. Mini-me asked for a blankie this past month for her 19th b-day. I am talking like a blankie that she could carry around like a toddler would. With soft fuzzy fabric and a dinosaur print. She has been known to carry it in her purse.

So when I asked Little Man what he wanted it was not surprising to me when he asked me to make him something. He requested a new body pillow with a personalized pillow cover. The boy seriously sleeps with like 4 regular pillows and a body pillow already. He buries himself in them and blankets every night. I spent most of Tuesday and part of Wed. of this week printing off letter templates, tracing, cutting fabric, ironing fabric and sewing it all onto black fabric to make a 20 x 52 pillow covering. Little Man loves origami. He takes origami paper with him everywhere. So what better font to use than an origami font. His name goes across the pillow in shades of yellows and greens. Each letter looks like folded paper. I can't wait to give it to him. :)

He will be getting other gifts but I wanted to do something special for him this year. He asked for a skate party at the skating rink but being that I am 38 weeks pregnant I told him not this year. We live next to the Minor League Baseball stadium. So I surprised him tonight by taking him to the game. Not only was it Friday night Fireworks night but all four of my kids set a World Record. :)

The stadium hosted a Mi Koo Jackson night. At the end of the game everyone was invited out to the field to participate in the first ever large group Moonwalk. Guinness World Records people were on had to witness the account. The group had to do the Moonwalk for 5 minutes straight around the field. Unofficial count was 649 people. So cool to think that my kids just made a bit of history. Silly/fun history but history. :) And memories that they will surely never forget.

Tonight was a good night. I was complimented several times by the people around me about how well behaved my kids are. How nice it was to see siblings that all got along and loved each other. Oh what a great mommy moment. :) My heart swelled with even more love for my kids and my God for trusting them to me.

It's been a long journey over the past 7 years and even though I spent a good bit of time crying the last 2 days. I love life. I love my life. I love that even though it has had some really crappy times I am stronger. God has made a huge change in me and I love it. :) I think about sometimes going back and reading older posts but I don't need to. I can feel the changes I've made without having to go back. :) YAY ME!!


I noticed I have a few new readers/comment leavers. I am so excited about this. I did not start this blog for anyone but me. It was my outlet and still is. I hope that some of my trials and joys can help you along whatever path you are on. :) I apologize up front if I don't respond back to your comments or if I don't leave one on your blog. Do know that I read comments and blogs.

Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day. ~Author Unknown


We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us. ~Joseph Campbell

Be Still

I am not very good at being still. When life feels like it is spiraling out of control I need to do something. It is so hard to just sit and wait. God however has me on this path of being still. I have been on this path for a few months now and I have learned so much about myself and others around me. God really has done some major work on and in me.

I have to personally admit that I am a little tired of being still. LOL I am not questioning God or his timing/plan. I am just starting to feel panicked. I know that this is when He is telling me "HEY SHANNON ... You need to rely on me more now than ever. Trust me. Have Faith. I have it taken care of."
My response back goes something like this ...
"Umm yeah God I do trust you. I have seen everything you have done for me over the past few years but why oh why do you have to take me all the way to the edge like this? Oh wait I know why ... You are building me up. Refining me. Making me stronger and more patient. You are wanting me to fully rely on you no matter what. (In my small little kid voice) ... Please God can I just have this baby soon and can you bring me a new home before I am homeless? I want it to be your time and plan Lord but man I am human and really struggling."

*sigh*

We have to be moved out of the house in 20 days. We have about 15 days to find a place and get it approved for housing assistance before we can move in. I trust God! He really has taken care of me but I am human and I am having a lack of faith moment and starting to panic.

On the baby front I fully believe she has decided to take up permanent residence in there. Saw one of the partners at my Dr.s office today. I am still at 1cm dilated and 50% effaced. Her head is at zero station which is pretty darn low. That explains the pubic bone pain and probably the hip/back pain. You would think with her head that low the pressure would efface me more and dilate the cervix ... sadly no. :( On a good note ... I gained back the 2lbs that I lost plus put on another 1/2lb. I was officially 140lbs today. Total weight gain ... 20lbs. :)

What's really hard about this being still is I am worried about having a baby and moving with in days of each other. It's me. There is no man in my life to help pack. To help move. I have had friends tell me they will help with the move. As will the church. I am sure they will but that requires me asking and I suck at that. I have pride issues. Probably something else God is going to whip right out of me. LOL

On a fun note ... Both Turtle and Little man are playing in softball and baseball tournaments this week. Turtles first game was last night and man on man was it epic. Twice my Turtle was the girl that tied the game up. They had to play 3 innings to break the tie to see who went on to tonights game. Normally they have a 2 hour time limit on these games ... last night was just over 3 hours. Can't wait to see how tonights game goes ... hoping it it isn't as long. LOL It was hard to sit in 90+ degree heat and hold my bladder. LOL

Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase. ~Martin Luther King Jr.

Talked to the Coach and house stuff ...

So I have spent the better part of the last hour crying. Talking to God ... out loud.

Want to write all of my feelings here right now but can't. No time and I am trying to process everything that has happened today.

I am sad. I am hurting. I need a hug.
I need guidance.

Will be back later to write all the details.
Met with The Coach today. I don't know what to do or think about the conversation ... well besides turn it over to God. What I truly want is what God wants for me. Then there is the other side of me that just wants what I want. Trying to keep that side in check right now.

Came home after I met with him to a slew of emails from the realtor about the house. I am heartbroken on this front also. :( It's not mine anymore .... I have to leave it in like a month. The buyer won't rent it back to me because he wants to do major remodeling to it. :( That was like a kick in the gut for me.

I promise to update this more later ... Need to process everything. Cry some more. Pray some more.

No Longer Mine ...

I've lived in this house for 11 years. I believe that is the longest I have ever lived in one home. Been in this neighborhood for 13. I love it here. I love how close everything is. We've shopped at the same grocery store for 13 years. They know me. They know my kids. I don't live in a small city. There is about 160,000 people in this city. I'm not ready to move just yet.

My realtor called today to let me know that the bank has accepted the offer on the house. I was a bit shocked as I am doing a short sale and the offer is pretty low. We thought for sure the bank would reject it. Just waiting on the final paperwork from the bank saying that they accept the buyers offer. Once it's ready we talk closing date and when I have to be out of the house.

According to the realtor I have about 45 days before I will have to be out. That puts me right around the time I will be having a baby. Freaked out? Yes, yes I am. Trying to remember that God's timing is always perfect and I will be taken care of.

At this point I have no prospects of a new home. We are supposed to be getting housing assistance but they said it wouldn't be until after the baby is born. We also have to move into a 4 bedroom. Finding a 4 bedroom home that isn't in the worst part of town that I can afford is slim pickings.

Right now my biggest issue is that this is no longer my home. :( I spent a little time grieving today. Cried in my car on the way home from work. 11 years of memories. I brought 2 babies home to this house. I've laughed in this house. I've cried tears of joy. Tears of anger. Tears of grief. So many memories. I don't want to leave those memories just yet.

I know that a new home will bring new memories. We will laugh there. Cry there. Bring home a new baby there I am sure. It just won't be mine.

I'm doing some serious praying for that new home. That it is something I can afford. In a safe place for my babies and I. Praying for some guidance for myself and a little more faith in my God.

I believe some sewing therapy is in order. I posted this quote not that long ago ... but it is very fitting.

I know not what the future holds, but I know who holds the future. ~Author Unknown

To move forward I must look back ... just briefly part 2

Well it's only taken me 6 weeks to find time to come back and finish the second half of this post. Trying to move forward and struggling ....

So when I left off I was a few months into my relationship with The Coach and I had told The Jeans I could no longer talk to him. Three months into my relationship with The Coach I should of walked away but I had fallen hard and my insecurities kicked in. I found myself turning into an old me that I hated but for some reason I couldn't break free and leave The Coach or my old self I was turning into. :(

I missed The Jeans I missed the Me I had been working on and finding. My relationship with The Coach was and sadly still is not a healthy one. I let things happen that I should have never let happen and I never should have stayed. I let someone have control over me. Something I said I would never let happen again. The crappy thing in all of this I really love The Coach and hoped for so much more. So I stayed ...

Which leads me to the secret I mentioned back here The secret that was killing me and I thought was going to end a friendship. I will be needing to change the title of my blog as I will no longer be Single Mom x's 4 .... In July it will be Single Mom to 5. Yep my secret is that I am having a baby. The Coaches baby to be exact. I have mixed emotions about all of this that I will get to and maybe if I have any readers left someone can help me with advice.

So the friendship that I thought I was going to lose was The Jeans. Back in November before I found out that I was expecting I pulled away from The Coach and the relationship. I started having anxiety attacks on my way to his place and I realized I couldn't stay in the relationship the way it was. Around the same time I was struggling with the house stuff and needed/wanted to talk to someone I trusted. The Jeans and I started talking again. I shared with him the house stuff and opened up to him about the relationship with The Coach and what had happened. I was starting to feel ok again ... not as depressed about everything because I had a friendship back that I loved and cherished.

Then my world came to a brief stand still when the test came back positive. I thought for sure that The Jeans would never talk to me again once I told him I was pregnant. Five weeks ago as I sat in my car crying I texted him and he called me back. I could barely get the words out between my tears but I told him everything. He assured me he would not leave me. We spent close to 12 hours talking in a 24 hour period. About everything he and I had been through over the past 3 years. He cried and told me he wished the baby was his. He finally admitted that he has loved me all along. I can't even begin to share how much I have cried the last 5 weeks.

I admit that I love The Coach and it is so hard to just end everything. Even harder now that there is a baby on the way. I can't stay though. I've tried to work things out but I am getting no where with him. He says he loves me and wants me but there is abuse in the way he treats me and I just can't do it. I kept hoping and praying that he would somehow go back to the way he was when we first met. I don't know what happened to that man or if he ever really existed.

So now I am single. Just shy of 17 weeks pregnant. Confused about how to handle things with The Coach. Even more confused about the situation with The Jeans. Really who would have thought that after 3 years and me getting pregnant by someone else he would finally admit his love for me? Add to it that I am living on barely any money. My depression has hit an extreme low. I haven't been this depressed since my ex husband left me and my dad died (with in 6 months of each other). I struggle daily to just keep going. Last night at 1am I had a major meltdown on the phone with The Jeans.

I need to clarify that I would never ever kill myself but I sadly in my thoughts I am understanding why someone would. Depression brings so many negative thoughts. I don't want to burden anyone with any of my problems. Not even my family. I am extremely embarrassed to be having another baby with a man I am no longer in a relationship with. I am losing my home. I can barely pay my bills. It's hard to open up to people when all you can think is how they will be judging you. So you hold it in pushing yourself further into a depression and a cycle of negative thoughts. :( I won't give up ... I have 4 ok technically 5 kids that need me and I remind myself daily of that. Also I don't want any of there dads raising them with out me lol.

Oh the other person I was afraid of telling the secret to (besides my mom) was my Mini-me. She and I are very close. She is one of my best friends. She does not like The Coach so I thought for sure she would flip out on me when I told her. I thought all of my kids would. However she handled it very well. She was upset and worried for a day or so but has really been amazing. I think I have done a pretty good job raising her. :) She is very excited now and has decided that The Coach can get lost and she and I will raise the baby. lol My other kids are just as excited (they didn't like the coach much either). They all do there fair share of belly rubbing. The boys tell me what I can and can not eat. Little Man was very concerned that I will get time off to be with the baby after he/she is born. Just writing this part makes me realize (once again) just how blessed I am with my kids. They don't care if we have to do this alone ... they trust me and have faith in me.

Look at all of my rambling ... It's a big jumbled mess but dang it feels good to get it out. If anyone actually reads this good luck understanding it. Maybe I should change my blog title to something like The Shannon Soap Opera ... Seriously though I am taking suggestions for a new blog title. One that will remind me to keep on fighting and not give up would be nice but incorporates my mommyness.

Ending with my favorite quote ... I am thinking someday this will be tattooed on me as a reminder. :)

When the world says, "Give up,"
Hope whispers, "Try it one more time."
~Author Unknown

Good News and randomness

I am just going to start off with this being home alone on New Years Eve was not a good idea at all. The flood gates are open and I can't get them to stop. :(

The good news is that the mortgage company postponed the auction on the house until Feb. 2. It bought me the much needed month that I need. Now I sit and wait to see if they will accept working on a short sale. If they do then I will have more time to come up with money and find a place to move to. If they don't then I still have a month and I am way happy about that. :) I have done my share of happy crying and sobbing out of relief today.

The crying that is happening now is out of pure confusion, frustration, sadness, hurt, and a stupid secret that honestly feels like it is suffocating me and might just kill me. :( I can't even share here yet. The two people that I want to tell the most I can't tell. Well I can tell them but I am scared. I know that there is a 99% chance that when I tell one of them I may lose my friendship with them forever :( (No this has nothing to do with an affair or anyone sleeping with anyone else) The person will eventually talk to me after a few days I am sure but I live with this person and she is going to be upset.

Both of these people I love more than I can ever explain. They are my best friends and have been by my side when I needed them. I know best friends wouldn't stop talking to you cause of this secret but the first best friend and I are complicated. What I have to say will crush them.

I want to tell the first person face to face but they don't live near me. I don't have the time to go to them and I hate to ask them to come to me when I will be breaking their heart in a sense.

Stupid secret is really bringing me down right now. To the point that I can't even leave my room today. :( I haven't sewn at all and that was what I had planned all week. I was excited and now I am just a big fat crying mess.

And where I really want to be is with that first person. I was invited. I was told to go by others but I can't. The secret would eat at me the entire time and I wouldn't enjoy myself. And I don't want to ruin their night.

*sigh* I know I have made no sense to anyone but I needed to get that out. Sooner than later I will be writing about the secret.

Ok I am going to force myself to put on some clothes, go eat some food and sew. I will not let this secret and this depression hold me in this room.

Happy New year ....

We will open the book. Its pages are blank. We are going to put words on them ourselves. The book is called Opportunity and its first chapter is New Year's Day. ~Edith Lovejoy Pierce

The wait has begun

I signed all the paperwork today to do a short sale on the house. I signed some in the office this morning when I went to the meeting with the company that wants to purchase the house. Then they brought a realtor over for me to sign all of that paperwork.
As we sat at my kitchen table signing paperwork I was ok at first. Then it hit me and I found myself holding back the tears. Fake smile planted on my face and saying "uh huh" "I understand" "OK" "I know exactly what this means". *sigh*

The good things I got out of today where that if we can stop the auction it is possible that it could take 6 months to a year before the "short sale" is actually final. So I will have time to get enough money and find a place to live. If the auction can't be stopped it is possible that the bank will be the ones that buy the house at foreclosure ... two things can happen then. They either offer me money to leave sooner or I was told that they can take a month or more to serve me the paperwork to leave the property.

Really I just need a a little time and money. Of course I don't want to lose my home of 10 years but at the same time I am ready to let it go. It has been such a stress to me fighting for it this past year.

So now I sit and wait and wonder what will happen. I checked the site that shows that my house is up for auction this evening and it currently has a bid. A higher bid than the company that wants to purchase it put in today for the short sale. So I am not holding my breath that the mortgage company will stop the foreclosure.

I will get through this. I am sure that a lot more tears will be shed and I will probably lose some sleep over the next few days but I will survive. I may not know anything until Monday when the house is supposed to go up for auction. I was told it is possible to pull the house even in the middle of bidding.

As for the rest of my life ... Today was very nice minus the house drama lol. A very nice friend of mine gifted me with some money. She knew my sewing machine had broke and that I couldn't afford to fix it but I did anyways cause sewing means so much to me. In return I surprised her with a rice bag. I made a visit to the fabric store where I used my gift card my daughter got me for Christmas to purchase the rest of the supplies I need to finish the lap quilt I am working on.

All of my kids will be gone for New Years Eve so I have decided that I will finish sewing up the quilt. Probably play the Wii for a bit and go to bed shortly after midnight. :) This will be my very first New Years alone so I am a little nervous but excited at the same time. Its a big night to be alone on. No one will be here to kiss me at midnight ... not like that has happened in years lol but I have had friends or kids to hug before. I am sure I will cry ... I always do. Don't know why ... guess I am just an emotional person that way. :)

I am off to waste some time playing games on the internet cause I can. :) Thank you again for the kind compliments. Opening up is so hard for me as there is the fear of rejection, hurt, and many other things but I am learning that by not opening up I am missing out on letting people help me and comfort me and just be there to listen when I need it. :)

OH OH and not my good news but I have to share cause I am excited. While I was on the phone today with my mom my step dad said something to her I couldn't hear. I then hear her exclaim very loudly in my ear. "PRAISE THE LORD! Thank you Jesus!" I love my mom. My step dad had just gotten a phone call from his old job that he was laid off from over a year ago asking him to come back to work TOMORROW morning. So awesome for my mom and step dad as they have been really struggling with him finding a permanent job. My mom has been working at a mall kiosk trying to make a little money for them. I am beyond happy that things are turning around for them. It also gives me a little more faith and hope. :)

Patience and perseverance have a magical effect before which difficulties disappear and obstacles vanish. ~John Quincy Adams

Praying for a miracle ...

First off .. I had no idea you all would still read my blog. It really means a lot to me today to see the comments. :)

Last night I couldn't sleep at all. Around 2am I finally turned off the computer and tried to get some sleep only to lay awake and toss and turn. My brain wouldn't shut down at all. Then like a bolt of lighting the idea came to me to call the company that was interested in the house a few months ago.

Back in July when I came home from Hawaii I had a company approach me about purchasing the house. I met with them but we (me and them) were all pretty positive I would be able to save it. They told me that if anything changed to give them a call. I didn't think much more about it because I really thought I would be able to save the house.

After the bolt of lightening thought struck me last night I went through all the negatives (that's just what I do). I thought there is no way they can help me with the house being sold on Monday. They will just laugh at me. I am embarrassed to call ... blah blah blah my list went on and on while I couldn't sleep.

This afternoon I decided to say screw it and I called. I explained the situation with the house being auctioned next week and the time constraints of the New Years this week and held my breath as I waited for a response. Ken told me to call the mortgage company right then and ask for a 2 week postponement on the auction. Tell them I have a buyer ready now but we don't have time to put a package together this week due to the Holiday. SHUT UP!!!!

After calling my mom again to ask her to pray even more I called the mortgage company. Of course I have to speak to a manager and they are all busy. I was told that I needed to get some sort of package put together and have it faxed no later than tomorrow. Off the phone with the mortgage company and back on the phone with the buyer.

I have a meeting at 930 tomorrow morning. I am really praying that this is the miracle that has been waiting for me. I just need a few weeks time on my side so I can get the money together to move and be able to pay my bills and stuff. This would buy me that time. It would also save what little good credit I have left.

Even though I have a meeting tomorrow and if all goes well and we fax it off I may not know anything until Monday the same day the house goes up for auction. Talk about a killer wait. This really is my last chance for anything to work out to help me in anyway.

I keep asking for prayer on Facebook but no one knows why. I can't bring myself to share with anyone on there what I am going through. I am still struggling with embarrassment of losing my house and the failure thing. I feel so much safer posting here. Even with pictures of me and my kids all over the page ... lol ... No one even knows I blog or used to.

On a really positive note my sewing machine was fixed and returned to me today WHOO HOO. I didn't really have the money to fix it but I need some healing and sewing does that. I am off to sew and pray for my miracle.

Damn it feels good to write. I can feel so many things relaxing and being released. :)


I have used this quote before but I really love it and it fits perfect.

When the world says, "Give up,"
Hope whispers, "Try it one more time."
~Author Unknown