Good Times ...

Where to start ... It's been awhile since I wrote anything. Life is going well over in my world. :)

My faith in God is growing by leaps and bounds. Since March when I returned to church full time I have seen so many amazing things happen in my life (and my kids). I lost my home but God gave us a new one. I literally had no money yet He has provided in numerous ways ... from my Church paying a bill for us, to random money showing up from my insurance company, and random people at church (that I barely know) putting money in my pocket and whispering in my ear that they felt led to give it to me.

Our Pastor often says "God is Good" and the congregation replies with "All the Time". He then says "All the Time" and we say back "God is Good". Even on days where things seem impossible to me or the kids you will hear one of us say one of the above and the rest of us say the other part back. Seriously God is good. :)

I won't lie things are hard being a single mom (to 5). Mini-me had a cold this last weekend. Since she watches the baby daily guess who caught the cold ... that's right Baby B. Now Turtle has it. I am guessing the boys and I will soon get it. It sucks but to put a positive spin on it ... we've gotten at least one sickness out of the way for the season ahead. LOL Even with my faith I still have times where I am freaking out about everything and how is God going to take care of it.

I honestly can't remember how much I wrote about the troubles I was having at work at the start of the year but things have so changed. I was so dreading going back to work. Like seriously cried about it. Not just because I didn't want to leave my baby girl or that pumping would be hard but because I just don't get along with a certain person at work. I was expecting the worst but all I can say is that God has done some major changes. Changes in me and my attitude that I am sure is playing a part in this. We got a new boss and she is making some changes of the good kind. :) I admit it still not that place I want to be working at but I am seeing that I am there for a reason.

The Coach is still a tard and I don't have a whole lot to say on that. The Ex is also a tard but again nothing new there. Mini-me and I have agreed that we need to start documenting everything when it comes to both of them. You know just in case either of them decide to follow through with the threats they make.

If you have followed my blog for a while this might come as a shock to you like it did me. The Jeans and I haven't talked much over the last few months as life is just uber busy. We finally caught up the other night and I was sent into a state of shock when he told me that he was going to be a daddy. :-o I know that I have mentioned in previous writings that I know he and I will never be together but man that hurt. I cried. I was angry. I shared with him my feelings. Not surprising that the way I am feeling is the same way he felt when I told him I was pregnant with Baby B. It made me sad when he told me that he doesn't even love the woman. Made my heart break when he told me that he never thought he would have kids with anyone but me. He apologized over and over again. I know in my heart that he is  not the man that God wants me to be with but it still hurts. No matter how things turn out between us I will always love him.

As for my sewing stuff and getting a business going ... it's been slow going. Working full time has made it hard to sew as much as I would like. On the plus side ... there are a few people at church that know my desire to start my business so they have been getting the word out that I sew. I am currently working on altering a bridesmaid dress, replacing a zipper in a hooded jacket, making tutu center pieces for a baby shower and a baby quilt for that baby shower. :-o I made Mini-me a tutu this week for a photo shoot for her dance job.

I know I suck at putting up the birth story of Baby B. and I know I need to update with pictures. I am hoping that I can get to that in the next few weeks. Oh oh two last things ... My sister had her 2nd baby on Oct. 1st. and I got to be there for the birth. YAY! Birth is such an amazing thing. Last thing .... My birthday is this upcoming Wed. YAY!! Even though I found another gray hair this past week I don't feel like I am going to be 36 and I learned I don't look like I am. Someone thought I was 25 this week. Whoo hoo

I wish I had more time to blog. I always feel so good after getting everything out. :)

"God is Good"

"All the Time"

Dr's, Showers, and Car Accidents ..

I have been meaning to update what happened after my last post but I have been so busy. I am extremely tired so here is a really quick (for me) update ...

I called The Coach late Thursday night to let him know what time the appointment was on Friday. Of course he did not answer. Left message. Walked to appointment on Friday (my Dr.s office is at the end of my street). Texted Coach to let him know I was at the appointment and if he was coming he would find me in the office. He never showed up. I haven't heard anything from him.
After a ton of prayer and some other signs from God I know calling him was the right thing. Now I know that I did what I was supposed to and the rest is in God's and The Coaches hands. At least until God shows me different. :)

By the way nothing exciting about that appointment. Saw a partner in the practice. :)

Saturday I went to a ladies study at the church. Had a very nice time as usual. An hour after the study in the same location my wonderful Mini-me hosted my baby shower. :) It was very nice and my sweet Dani has all that she needs when she arrives. After the baby shower ... seriously like right after I came home changed my clothes and went to Little Man's baseball game. Left his game early to take Turtle to her softball game. Ate dinner out that night ... 12 hours of business no way was I cooking.

Sunday ... Oh man went to church and of course was way happy. Planned on taking kids to see Karate Kid movie at 2. Little Bird was at his grandma & grandpas (The Ex's parents). The Ex was had the boys Friday and part of Saturday cus of my shower. Anyways he sent Little Bird up to his parents. They did not bring him home on Sat. The Ex said he would get him Sunday and have him home in time for me to take the kids to the movies. At 1 I get a phone call saying he will be leaving his parents soon. It is about a 25 minute drive. At 215 he has not arrived at my house. I decide to text instead of call as I don't want to start a fight. I get a text saying .... ok.car troubles. call soon. So I am thinking he was changing his oil at his parents or something and they screwed things up. I'm annoyed but decide to just continue nesting (yes I am nesting) and that we will go to the 4 o'clock showing. At 3 he calls again but I am not near my phone. He leaves a message telling me that he has had car troubles and to call his parents house. I decide not to call as I figure he will call me again or bring Little Bird soon. At 4:50 I leave my house with Turtle to go to Target to get a few storage totes. No sooner do I get in the store The Ex calls.

He apologizes for being so late and says that it is not his fault. He and Little Bird were in a car accident. WHAT!!??? So his car problems were that he was going to fast around the curve coming down the hill. Front passenger tire got stuck and the car rolled into the ditch. I mean rolled and landed on the top side. He assures me that Little Bird is fine. Just a few cuts on his left hand from the broken glass.

*sigh* I can not even begin to tell you how thankful I am that my Little Bird is still with me. That by the grace of God he was not hurt worse and that he did not die. I took him to the Dr. on Monday and he has a mild case of whiplash. I am glad that my Ex is still around also and he was not hurt worse. It was hard enough to tell my other kids about the accident. I can't imagine having to tell them if it was worse. After losing my dad to a car accident I get a little freaked out about them.

Monday I obviously stayed home from work to take care of my Little Bird. Mini-me, Little Bird and I had a nice time together.

Tuesday I went back to work and then did running around with the kids before they went to their dads.

Today :) Wonderful Wed. Went to work and came home. Had a Dr. appointment today (did not call and tell The Coach and didn't feel one ounce of guilt about not doing so.) Anyways ... Sweet Dani is hanging in there. I am dilated around a fingertip ... probably 1cm if we really messed with my cervix. It is shorter than it was a few weeks ago. The goal is to keep her in for another week and a half. :) So like around the 26th would be ok for her to arrive. I have another ultrasound next Wed. My belly was measuring 2 weeks behind again.
Was told that if I start to really contract or anything weird comes up before Friday afternoon to call and they will give me steroids to help her lungs. The last day to do this is Sat. I am praying we don't need to go that route. :)

As for the ultrasound I have not decided if I will call or let the Coach know. I have however invited his mom to come with me. She was extremely excited and of course said yes. This is her first granddaughter :) Mini-me will also be joining us that morning. Mixes emotions about The Coach. I want him there. I love him. I don't want him to miss things like this. However he is a 35 year old man that needs to figure some things out and grow up.

Praying that Dani is growing on target. If she isn't then really I just pray that God gives me whatever I need to take care of her ... while she is in me and after she comes out.

Ok that is my short version of the last week. I am taking myself to bed. My feet, ankles and my calves are so swollen they ache. :( On a totally great note ... Tomorrow is my last day of work. WHOO HOO Oh and the kids and I are going to the midnight showing of Toy Story 3. I can't tell you how excited we are. We have planned this for months. :)

And thank you for a house full of people I love. Amen. ~Terri Guillemets

To move forward I must look back ... just briefly part 2

Well it's only taken me 6 weeks to find time to come back and finish the second half of this post. Trying to move forward and struggling ....

So when I left off I was a few months into my relationship with The Coach and I had told The Jeans I could no longer talk to him. Three months into my relationship with The Coach I should of walked away but I had fallen hard and my insecurities kicked in. I found myself turning into an old me that I hated but for some reason I couldn't break free and leave The Coach or my old self I was turning into. :(

I missed The Jeans I missed the Me I had been working on and finding. My relationship with The Coach was and sadly still is not a healthy one. I let things happen that I should have never let happen and I never should have stayed. I let someone have control over me. Something I said I would never let happen again. The crappy thing in all of this I really love The Coach and hoped for so much more. So I stayed ...

Which leads me to the secret I mentioned back here The secret that was killing me and I thought was going to end a friendship. I will be needing to change the title of my blog as I will no longer be Single Mom x's 4 .... In July it will be Single Mom to 5. Yep my secret is that I am having a baby. The Coaches baby to be exact. I have mixed emotions about all of this that I will get to and maybe if I have any readers left someone can help me with advice.

So the friendship that I thought I was going to lose was The Jeans. Back in November before I found out that I was expecting I pulled away from The Coach and the relationship. I started having anxiety attacks on my way to his place and I realized I couldn't stay in the relationship the way it was. Around the same time I was struggling with the house stuff and needed/wanted to talk to someone I trusted. The Jeans and I started talking again. I shared with him the house stuff and opened up to him about the relationship with The Coach and what had happened. I was starting to feel ok again ... not as depressed about everything because I had a friendship back that I loved and cherished.

Then my world came to a brief stand still when the test came back positive. I thought for sure that The Jeans would never talk to me again once I told him I was pregnant. Five weeks ago as I sat in my car crying I texted him and he called me back. I could barely get the words out between my tears but I told him everything. He assured me he would not leave me. We spent close to 12 hours talking in a 24 hour period. About everything he and I had been through over the past 3 years. He cried and told me he wished the baby was his. He finally admitted that he has loved me all along. I can't even begin to share how much I have cried the last 5 weeks.

I admit that I love The Coach and it is so hard to just end everything. Even harder now that there is a baby on the way. I can't stay though. I've tried to work things out but I am getting no where with him. He says he loves me and wants me but there is abuse in the way he treats me and I just can't do it. I kept hoping and praying that he would somehow go back to the way he was when we first met. I don't know what happened to that man or if he ever really existed.

So now I am single. Just shy of 17 weeks pregnant. Confused about how to handle things with The Coach. Even more confused about the situation with The Jeans. Really who would have thought that after 3 years and me getting pregnant by someone else he would finally admit his love for me? Add to it that I am living on barely any money. My depression has hit an extreme low. I haven't been this depressed since my ex husband left me and my dad died (with in 6 months of each other). I struggle daily to just keep going. Last night at 1am I had a major meltdown on the phone with The Jeans.

I need to clarify that I would never ever kill myself but I sadly in my thoughts I am understanding why someone would. Depression brings so many negative thoughts. I don't want to burden anyone with any of my problems. Not even my family. I am extremely embarrassed to be having another baby with a man I am no longer in a relationship with. I am losing my home. I can barely pay my bills. It's hard to open up to people when all you can think is how they will be judging you. So you hold it in pushing yourself further into a depression and a cycle of negative thoughts. :( I won't give up ... I have 4 ok technically 5 kids that need me and I remind myself daily of that. Also I don't want any of there dads raising them with out me lol.

Oh the other person I was afraid of telling the secret to (besides my mom) was my Mini-me. She and I are very close. She is one of my best friends. She does not like The Coach so I thought for sure she would flip out on me when I told her. I thought all of my kids would. However she handled it very well. She was upset and worried for a day or so but has really been amazing. I think I have done a pretty good job raising her. :) She is very excited now and has decided that The Coach can get lost and she and I will raise the baby. lol My other kids are just as excited (they didn't like the coach much either). They all do there fair share of belly rubbing. The boys tell me what I can and can not eat. Little Man was very concerned that I will get time off to be with the baby after he/she is born. Just writing this part makes me realize (once again) just how blessed I am with my kids. They don't care if we have to do this alone ... they trust me and have faith in me.

Look at all of my rambling ... It's a big jumbled mess but dang it feels good to get it out. If anyone actually reads this good luck understanding it. Maybe I should change my blog title to something like The Shannon Soap Opera ... Seriously though I am taking suggestions for a new blog title. One that will remind me to keep on fighting and not give up would be nice but incorporates my mommyness.

Ending with my favorite quote ... I am thinking someday this will be tattooed on me as a reminder. :)

When the world says, "Give up,"
Hope whispers, "Try it one more time."
~Author Unknown

Holding back the tears

I am sitting here holding back the tears. I have been awake for nearly an hour now ... laying and thinking about what I should write in my email to my coworkers. If I should write my students a letter letting them know just how much they rocked and how they made a difference in my life.

As I left work yesterday it started to hit that I would be turning in my key today. I won't be hearing "Ms. Shannon I need a ice pack, band aid, to talk, a hug ... " anymore. I won't be telling a kid to sit and be quite in my office while waiting to see the vice principal. I won't know what student is dating another ... yes they come and share this with me for some reason.

I am going to miss my job so very much. :( I honestly did not think that when I started this job just 9 months ago that I would feel this way. It has been an amazing time of growth for me in so many ways and I am not ready to leave yet. I will continue to grow with out this job and I will take all of the lessons I have learned and move forward but I am a bit sad.

I love it when I ramble .... my emotions are taking over.

Today is also my last day of the term for college. I will leave work early today and go out and preform my Hip Hop dance. I am trying to visual myself dancing it on a stage. I am doing all of the moves correct. My kids will out there watching me and at the end I will hear them cheering for me. :) How is that for positive thinking?

If I wasn't feeling emotional enough about the job and the dance thing I had to dream about my dad. I honestly can't even describe the dream but he was there. I always feel sad when I wake from dreams that he has been in. I miss him and wish he was here for me ... especially on days like today. He would be so proud of me.

The tears are flowing ... this is going to be a long day.

My mom also arrives tonight and will be here for the week. This should be interesting ... I will have to write more on this later.

Every day is an opportunity to make a new happy ending. ~Author Unknown

To go or not to go ...

So a year ago I made a promise to Mini-me and her bio-dad that she and I would go to Hawaii after Graduation. It would be a birthday/grad gift. We were supposed to go last year but I felt a family vacation with all of the kids to Ca. to visit family was more important.

So here we are one month away from her birthday and 5 weeks away from graduation and I don't know what to do. A co-worker of mine is from Hawaii and lives on the island that we planned on going to. She asked me 2 weeks ago if Mini-me and I wanted to come with her on her trip. She will be staying with her brother and he has already said it is ok for Mini-me to come and stay there. My co-worker has told me that we won't need to worry about transportation as her brother has a car and she will be renting one. Food will be taken care of also. Of course I would want to pitch in some money for food and gas.

Up until 2 weeks ago I had enough airline miles to fly both of us there and back. I gave half of my miles away to my mom so she could be here to watch her 1st grandchild graduate from high school. So now I only have enough miles for one of us. If we chose to go we would have to purchase one ticket with cash.

I have been watching Alaska Airlines (who my miles are through) and I found a round trip flight for $500. Even better I wouldn't be using all of my miles for this trip. I would have a little left. Even better it is for 10 days instead of the 7 I had planned on going. My Ex has even agreed to watch the other kids while we are gone. Oh and Mini-me's bio-dad has offered to help pay for the ticket. I am thinking he is going to pay half of it.

Who would pass up a trip for 2 to Hawaii for 10 days for $500? Oh that would be me ... well it may be me. As I stated in a previous post (to lazy to get link) my house is being foreclosed on in August. How do I justify a trip like this when my home is going to be taken away from me for not paying? Not that I didn't want to pay it ... I really should post the full story here one day of how this all happened. Anyways ...

When I got my tax refund way back in January I put it into my bank account and it has been sitting there since. I was behind on the mortgage already and had hoped that the money would be used to help get me caught up or work out a modification with the mortgage company but they have not been willing to work with me. :( I am not giving up the fight on the house by the way.

So what do I do? Do I take some of the tax money and take the trip I promised a year ago? Do I tell Mini-me I am sorry we just can't do it?

I feel like crap either way. If we don't go then I feel like I have let her down. I promised her this trip for a few years. If we go then I feel like I am being bad with my money situation.

*sigh* Anyone want to give me their thoughts on this? What would you do if you were in my shoes?

Money is power, freedom, a cushion, the root of all evil, the sum of blessings. ~Carl Sandburg

Spring Break Comes To An End

As soon as I hit send on this post my Spring Break will be over and I will tuck myself into my bed. I had a very productive week and I am happy to say that I never felt like I was going to fall into a funk.

I started off my week by working on the hallway flooring. For the most part I am finished with them. I need a table saw to cut the boards length wise to finish off the last row against the wall. I am going to ask if I can use the saw in the Shop class at work. Can't see why they wouldn't let me.

Took most of Tuesday because I spent my entire night on the phone with the Jeans. We talked until 5 in the morning. I feel like those talks are so eye opening for both of us.

Wed. I finished up the hallway and cleared off the bookshelf at the end of it. Four medium sized boxes off to Goodwill. I love how the hall looks with the floors (almost) done and the bookshelf organized. Mini-me and I went out to dinner with each other and when we got home we tortured the cat. He likes to climb on the car the minute we pull in. If you put your hand to the window he runs to it and rubs himself all over trying to get to your hand to be pet. We are mean ... we sat there for 5 minutes teasing him. Had some beer in the fridge so I grabbed one and went to town on clearing out the crap in my room that I didn't need.

Hallway floors

Thursday I grabbed some left over paint that was out in the garage and painted my room for the first time in the 10 years that I have lived here. I got rid of the TV and stand that was at the end of my bed and the bookshelf of fabric/dolls. There is now just a bed and a desk. So much nicer than it was before. I did manage to break my bed in the process of moving it. I have owned it for just a little over a year and of course the warranty is expired. They wanted $100 to replace the rail that broke and they don't deliver it or put it on the bed. I said screw it and got creative. I had some wood in the garage so I made a box and used it to hold the rail up on the bed.

I have to admit I am a bit embarrassed to show what my room looked like before I tackled it but here I go anyways ....

Before (wall by the door)

After (wall by the door)

My room is no longer a freakish blue/green puke color. It is a wonderful tan and I love it. Still have some work to do on it. Like make curtains and put in the wood floor. The dolls are now homeless. I am going to end up selling most of them. A few will be kept as they were in a commercial the kids and I were in. (Yes I've been on TV nationwide and not for America's Most Wanted). The bookshelf is now in the closet in the living room and all of the fabric is folded nicely. I even had room to store my sewing machines (all 3 of them). If you look carefully you can see the box I made to hold the bed up. Damn I am crafty!!!

Friday before the kids came home I went and picked up my books for my classes. Totally freaking out as I start school tomorrow. Kids and I had a pretty chill night together. Nothing exciting.

Saturday I took them out to Monsters vs. Aliens. They said they all really liked it. I can't say I really liked it and I can't say I hated it. It had some funny moments. Mini-me was totally awesome and watched the kids so I could go have dinner with a friend. Which turned into a fun night with a few other people. I got home after 2 this morning.

Today we got creative and made a video to enter a contest on YouTube. Lowe's is having a Spring Dream Challenge. I could so use some new items to keep the outside of my house in nice condition. The kids and I had a ton of fun coming up with our entry and making it. I love when my kids get creative. I love it even more when something like this comes out of being creative. The bonding & laughing we did today was just awesome. I think I am going to upload all of the bloopers to my YouTube account. Of course all of you lucky readers get to see the video here first ....

Good-Bye Spring Break 2009 I have enjoyed my time with you. Thank you for the wonderful memories.

Think big thoughts but relish small pleasures. ~H. Jackson Brown, Jr., Life's Little Instruction Book

It's Oh So Silent

No music. No movie playing in another room. No kids talking, laughing screaming, fighting. No humming noise from the dishwasher, washing machine or dryer. There is only a cat purring next to me. It is so very silent around here.

The Turtle, Little Man and Little Bird are gone for the week to "Cousin Camp". My Exs Grandmother hosts "Cousin Camp" every Spring Break. Mini-me has taken my car and gone to work. I am never really sure what to do when I am this alone. Over Christmas break I fell into a major funk. The kind where you get out of bed to shower and then put jammies on and get back into bed. Don't answer the phone or talk to anyone. Your thoughts pulling you in deeper to the funk that has grabbed a hold of you. Mini-me took care of me and told me to get up. I ended up texting The Jeans and that was the first time I had seen him and months.

I have one full week without work and 3 kids. I would love a road trip to go see The Jeans but he is working overtime so that isn't going to happen. I refuse to get into a funk. No way can I go there and waste a week of my life.

Yesterday I spent 9 hours cleaning. Really it was a purging of more junk and rearranging of furniture/sewing stuff. My house looks 100% worse than it did when I started yesterday. I've spent a few hours today working on the floors.

I think I forgot to mention that I am insane. Last year (as in last March) I had the great idea of purchasing and installing wood floors in my house. I am doing it by myself. No contractors or friends helping me. Well I have put Mini-me to work a few times. The living room was finally finished this past December. It had to be finished for Christmas. The poor hallway has been naked for a year now. Just subflooring.

Today I have moved the bookshelf (so now there are books in several boxes in my room and a bookshelf in the boys room) and layed out the lining and have started putting in the flooring.
I am taking a break because the compressor and I were not getting along.

My mission is to finish the hallway sometime tomorrow early morning. It would be cool to get it done today ... which really is possible if I got off the internet. I am thinking big this week. I am tackling my room also. I doubt I will get to the flooring in here but I hope to get the walls painted. Next month will be my 10 yr anniversary living in here in this house. My room is the only one that has never been painted. It is ready for some lovin ;). I am ready for it to be my little place to get away.

Off to send an email, put on some music and lay down some kick ass wood flooring. Expect pictures later.

Motivation is when your dreams put on work clothes. ~Author Unknown

No fancy title tonight ...

The boys are much better today. Which is a huge relief to me as I was pretty worried the last few days. They are still coughing but no fevers since last night. :)

I stayed home today and with in 2 hours of waking up I started losing my vision and had yet another migraine. I blindly searched for my Dr.s number and made an appointment for tomorrow. Three migraines in 6 weeks for me is not a normal thing at all. This one was just lovely with a new symptom of facial numbness. My eyes also burned so bad it hurt to shut them. So trying to sleep was just as bad as being awake.

My mom tried to tell me the migraines are stress related, hormones, my age (being in my 30's) and heredity (mom, dad, brother, aunt, grandma). I told her that I have been under worse stress in my life. You know like losing my dad and going through a divorce in a 6 month time period. It is possible that this one could be hormone related as I am due for my period but I don't think so. As for the age thing ... what like half way through my 30's my body just says "Hey let's have more migraines cause she is a year older now" LOL.

What is bothering me besides this new frequency of them is the new symptoms that have come along with them. I have always had aura's (since my very first one at 16). The auras have always freaked me out but they are longer now. Sometimes I can see auras and lose my vision for close to an hour. The facial numbness today was weird. The last 2 migraines I have had what feels like a bulging in the right eye and my peripheral vision is gone. This is lasting around 24 hours. Today I also felt like I was just going to start convulsing. Like if you have ever seen anyone have a seizure and how their body jerks around ... I felt like that on the inside today. *sigh* I am also just exhausted. I slept for a good 3 hours today but I feel like I haven't slept in a day or two.

I am sure the crying I did today did not help my energy level. I cried cause the stupid Electric Company lady was rude to me. I cried cause I took offense to some work email a coworker sent me (I was checking it from home this morning). I cried cause I don't want to miss a 3rd day of work this week. I cried when I went to work today for 20 minutes to talk to the Principal to let him know what was going on.

That last part of my crying was the best though. It took everything to get out of my bed and go talk to him. I was upset about the coworker stuff and the missing work so much this week. I couldn't even sit down and talk to him with out crying. I must have looked funny sitting in his office with my sunglasses on, hair a mess and sobbing my eyes out. This man really intimidates me ... that was until today. As I was trying to tell him my issues he stopped me and asked me if I knew his story. I told him no ... He proceeded to tell me that he was a single dad up until 2 and half years ago when he married his now wife. His ex wife is a functioning alcoholic and he has raised his daughter since she was 2 (she is 13 now). He told me to stop worrying and take care of myself and my kids. He then told me "Shannon it's just a job". I told him it was very important to me ... that I have never had a job I enjoyed so much that. One that I look forward to coming to daily. He told me again "It's just a job". He shared a story about how he felt the same way until his daughter was 8 and ended up in the hospital from the flu. It was then he was like screw it ... it's just a job and my daughter is way more important. I thanked him so much for understanding and we talked for a few more minutes before I left.

I took a step today with my boss that I was not able to do at my last 2 jobs. I feel a little lighter and refreshed with in myself right now. I feel like I may have just grown a little more and I like it. :)

Hearing his story reminded me once again that I am not alone. I could start a whole new post on this last line ... should do that tomorrow.

Taking my headache to bed ... to bad headaches don't cuddle very well. ;)

The purpose of learning is growth, and our minds, unlike our bodies, can continue growing as we continue to live. ~Mortimer Adler

Thankful for Mom

A mother is a person who seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie. ~Tenneva Jordan

I am thinking that if my Mom ever finds out about this blog she may fly up here and spank my adult butt for posting this picture of her. Oh I feel like that rebellious teenager all over again. Hee hee

Tonight is my "Thankful for Mom" blog. It's not Thanksgiving, Mother's Day or heck even Grandparents day but I wanted to acknowledge how Thankful I am for my mom. Maybe I will share this with her someday minus the blog part and picture. ;)

My mom lives like a gazillion miles away. Ok so it is not that far ... She is in Texas and I am in Oregon. It just feels like it is that far because we very rarely see each other. I've never been to Texas and she has never seen my home here (I've been in my house 10 years). It feels even farther away when I feel so alone here. Since my dad died I don't talk much to my Step-mom or sisters (that's another post).

Mom and I have our ups and downs. It has taken 18 years (since I had my daughter) for my mom and I to grow into the relationship we have. My parents divorced when I was around 2 years old. My brother and I would live one week at Moms and then one at Dads. I did this until I was 14 and that is when I told my mom I hated her and moved into dads. :( I was a spoiled brat and mean to my mom.

I have come to realize over the last few years just how hard it was for my mom (and dad) to be a single parent. My mom did a great job at not talking trash about my dad (which at times I am sure he deserved lol). She was and is a Soldier mom ... this is what she describes as the mom that keeps on going and does not give in to her kids or give up because life is pooping on you. I love when I call her to vent about one of my kids doing something that is driving me bonkers and she says "Be a Soldier Mom" or I hear a giggle and then I know she is going to say "Well Shannon, you know that sounds a lot like you when you were that age." I always deny that I was anything like my kids. ;)

Man oh man ... 10 years of soccer practices/games, homework that she would fight with me to do, slumber parties, countless nights staying up late or all night to take care of me cause I was sick (and I was sick a lot), letting me go live at my dads even though it must have killed her, dealing with a pregnant teenage daughter (while she was pregnant also ... I will explain) .... my list could go on and on. I may not have ever admitted it then but my mom was great. She was my Superhero.

I've been talking to my mom a lot this last week. I am dealing with a lot more than I have even begun to share here. After one of our conversations she said to me "Shannon you are my Superhero." Ok I cried when she said and I am crying now. That one comment from my mom meant so much to me. Sometimes as daughters I think that we feel like we can never live up to what our moms want us to be. At least that is how I have felt and I know that Mini-me has felt that way cause we have talked about it. By her telling me that I realized that I am doing just fine. Even when I feel like I am failing daily she is proud of me.

I was 15 before I stopped wanting my parents to get back together. Looking back now I am glad my mom was a single one and that she raised me the way she did. I am glad that she let me leave to live with my dad (again I know it killed her). She taught me so much more than I think she will ever know about being a single parent, dating, and just life in general. I am not sure I would be surviving single mom life if it was not for the great example my mom showed me.

I am so very Thankful for my mom :) I can only hope someday my kids can look back and see me the way I see my mom ... A Superhero!!

Fit throwing kids

I was really planning on writing about other things tonight but I am hoping that my readers can share with me what they would have done in my situation tonight.

Being a mom to 4 kids I have had my share of my kids throwing a fit. These fits can happen any where for a multitude of reasons. I have been doing this parenting thing for almost 18 years and I still wonder if I am doing it right. ;)

So tonight I decided that the kids and I needed to get out of the house for a little bit. After Little Mans basketball game this morning we came home and just relaxed. I could sense that they were getting restless. They all have gift cards to Wal-Mart that they had gotten for Christmas. They also had cash.

Everything seems to be going smooth. I had called my mom to vent about some financial and Ex issues and got off the phone about 10 minutes into the store. My kids were happy looking at the toys while I chatted. Little Bird (who is 5) has a huge thing for Legos these days. We head over to the Lego aisle and I patiently talk to him about what would be good sets for him to get. I show him sets that are made for his age group and explain that it will be easier for him to put them together alone or with little help. He of course can only focus on the harder bigger sets. We must have spent 20 minutes looking and trying to decide. I gave a 5 minute warning and said that we would move on to let Turtle and Little Man find what they wanted. When they found what they wanted we would come back to the Legos. By the way Little Bird started screaming you would have thought I was abusing him. :(

I started to walk away and as I was I kept repeating that we would come back to the aisle. He proceeds to throw himself on the floor and scream. I keep walking so he gets up and grabs me by my legs so I can not go anywhere. I calmly pick him up ... not an easy thing to do when he goes totally limp ... I put him in the shopping cart. He continues to cry and sob. :( I again repeat to him that we will come back to the Legos before we leave but if he throws another fit or does not calm down I will not do it. We will just leave.

He calms down and we get through the rest of our shopping. Turtle and Little Bird surprised me and picked out what they wanted and acted very grown up about it all. Now that I am writing this I realized I did not thank them :( or give positive reinforcment. Little Bird asked if he could get out of the cart and I let him because he had calmed down. We head back to the Legos and he keeps telling me he needs to think about it. I decide that there is just to much on the shelves in front of him and it is overwhelming him. I pull down 8 boxes of Legos that I feel he will like and that he can work with by himself or with little help. He seems pleased with this at first but keeps going back and forth. I explain to him that we have been here a long time and that he needs to make up his mind. I give a 5 minute warning which just sets him off.

He starts getting upset and throws himself on the floor. I tell him that he needs to pick something or I am leaving and he will have to come back another day. More crying and fit throwing. At this point I know other people in the store can hear him. He will not listen to me or pick out what he wants so I tell him that I am going to put the boxes back up on the shelves. He is freaking out big time.

I put the boxes up and tell him that we are leaving and that we can come back on a day where he is calm and not throwing a fit. I let him know that he is NOT getting the Legos because he kept throwing a fit. I walk out of the Lego aisle onto the main one and he starts screaming as loud as he possibly can. He is running after me and grabs my legs again. I pull him off and he grabs the under part of the cart. He is crazy strong when he is that pissed lol I could not for the life of me get him to let go of that cart. So I kneeled down in front of him and told that I will just leave the cart with all of the stuff I was buying and come back another time for it. I got up and started walking away. This set of Little Man ... he knew that I needed the stuff. So I looked back and realized I didn't need the cart. I grabbed the stuff and handed it to Turtle and Little man to carry. I think at this point we made it 5 feet away from the Lego aisle. :(

Little Bird continued to grab my ankles, legs, arms and hands to hold me back from leaving. I kept right on walking. I repeated several times that we would talk when he calmed down and that he was not getting the Legos.

Checking out of the store and getting to the car was just as rough. Once outside I sent the other kids to the car and I finally got a good grip on Little Bird and picked him up and carried him. He of course threw a fit getting in the car. I actually had to do the child safety locks on the door because he was trying to get out.

He eventually stopped the fit throwing and just cried until about 5 minutes after we got home. He asked me for a hug which I of course gave to him. I asked if he was ready to talk about it and he started crying again and said no.

I should state that I am not a big fan of spanking. Even if I was I would not have spanked Little Bird in the middle of the store.

I wonder though what the other people in the store thought. As I was standing there pulling the stuff out of my cart to walk it to the registers I could feel the glares/stares of the people around me. I am thinking that a few of them thought I was being to nice to my son. I never lost my temper. I used the same calm voice the entire time. I laughed at one point but more out of embarassment of the situation.


So what would you have done in my situation??
Should I have gotten the Legos?
Are my kids the only ones that throw fits like this?
Hmm really my girls have not thrown fits like this in public. They do it at home by slamming the door to their room. The boys are my public fit throwers.

I am drained ... this is when I find parenting to be especially hard. :(

Funny things kids say

I keep meaning to post this and was busy most of the weekend. So I am taking a break at work ...
So Friday night was just super busy for me. I got off work and Mini-Me and Little Bird picked me up from work (I let her use the car on Fridays since hers died) Anyways ... we run home get Turtle and Little Man. Call Turtles friend who is staying the night to go get her then run to Home Depot to get lights for the garage as they all burned out Thursday night. Shopping with 5 kids on a Friday night is just insane. My boys would not keep there hands to themselves. This goes on for most of our time out.

So as I am finishing up making dinner they are all getting ready at the table and Little man just can't stop getting into trouble. So I turn and say "Dang it Little Man you need to knock it off. You are so on my list right now." His brother (age 5) turns and says "Why don't you just put him on Craigslist"
Ok just writing this at my desk made me laugh out loud. I am pretty sure that Little Bird was wanting me to put his brother on Craigslist like we did our dog recently. Hoping that we could just get rid of him. LOL

It is so hard not to laugh at times like that. I had to turn my back and try to act mad.