Monday, August 23, 2010

Sometimes ...

One handed typing and need to vent ...

Even with my faith in God I struggle daily.
Money is so seriously non existant around here I want to cry.
I have no idea how I am going to pay the rent for Sept.
Mini-me is not working and neither am I.
Even when I go back to work my first paycheck won't come in until Oct.
That means Oct rent is impossible to pay and then there are the bills that are stacking up. :(

As if money wasn't stressing me out enough I have an Ex husband who is a jerk and a half and that is putting it nicely.
I seriously should not be allowed to pick the next man I date (if I ever date again). I have a horrible man picker. :(
So my move has put the kids out of the boundries for the schools they have gone to for years.
The Ex has decided with his girlfriend that Little Bird should go to a different school by him.
I (and the kids) want to put in for a transfer and stay at the schools they have gone to.
The Ex came to my house Sat to drop off boys and started yelling at me ... when asked to leave he got louder. At that moment I was wishing my police officer neighbor was home ... sigh
Today when he came to get the kids he said some things that were just not appropriate to say to the kids ... that had to do with the fight he and I had Sat. :(
Now I get a lengthy email telling me how he called the School District and how he is insisting the kids use his home addy for school. He still insists Little Bird goes to the school he wants him to.

I am so tired of men telling me how I am going to raise MY children. It would be different if they were "real" fathers who actually contributed to the lives of their children. The Ex only does things for the kids at his convenience ... or in typical divorced parent fashion to make me look bad. Cause you know its a competition on who does or gives the kids the most. :(

He called me white trash on Sat. and told me that I was a failure as a parent because I didn't throw Little Bird a birthday party or plan one for him. :( I know this shouldn't hurt me as I know I am not a failure as a parent nor am I white trash but it does. :( I already struggle with the fact that I can't provide things like birthday parties for my kids ... I work, go to school and raise kids while he goes to school and lives off his girlfriend and unemployment. GRRR

I am just struggling :( I love God and I know without a doubt he will provide for me and my babies. I know that I should not worry about the money, The Ex being a jerk or anything else but dang it I do. Sometimes I just want to holler and cry at God. I want to ask why? and please show me what you have planned but I know that is pointless. He is using all of these things to build me up ... to refine me. *sigh*

I need Prayer ... I would ask for money lol but not sure anyone is willing to just send that to me or pay my bills. Hey I still have a sense of humor :) I need to find time to sew and get my stuff on Etsy .... then I need to have faith that it will sell.

Ok going to bed as my sweet Baby B will be up soon to nurse.

I go back to work in 2 weeks ... I have no one to watch the baby and oh then there is the matter of money to pay someone to watch her. SIGH :( Learning to pump my milk the last 2 days has been a challenge.

More later ...


T said...

Breathe. It's all very overwhelming so don't rely on YOUR strength or on how YOU'RE gonna figure it out.

Just breathe and know it will.

Now, do what you have to do to get back on your feet. I'll say prayers too.

LeAnn and Kids said...

Wow my dear you have had quite the challenges lately. Don't feel bad one bit about the birthdays. I haven't done them for years b/c money has been tight. The kids don't real care anyways. Make him a cake and his favorite dinner and I'm sure he will remember that more then all the other stuff. Money? your on housing so if you don't have income don't they help you with your utilities and have a smaller portion that you pay. The struggles your going through will make you and your family stronger. One thing you have is your family. Ask you local church, school, state assistance if they can help with any emergency funds. Sometimes they have them available. If you were here in Utah I could give you lots of names to help you out. As far as the ex stay strong and don't let him be the one to control the situation. If he doesn't have custody then you have every right to go to the school or district give them a copy of your decree and tell them that he isn't supposed to have any information or make changes without your knowledge. I know with my kiddos I had to do that and the school b/c it's a court order had to follow it. Stay strong and I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers. btw I came across your blog one day and have followed you ever since. I think it's been about 5 maybe 6 months. We have so much in common I think that's why I find it interesting to follow. Know that your loved and that's all that matters.

d said...

WOW...i cannot even begin to tell you how much we have in common. i am a single mom of 5 boys. and our stories are sooooooo similiar. maybe one of these days, a night like tonight i will start my own blog/story. i commend u and i really enjoyed reading ALL of your blogs.

The Fitness Guru said...

Things always work out in the end. I've been in those tough times as well. Live with integrity and DO YOUR BEST. You will be fine! I have 2 blogs and would love if you followed. My fitness blog has a lot of good motivation on it!!

Looking forward to following you! Keep your head up!

Acharmedlifeinc said...

Hi Shannon, I ran across your blog trying to promote my etsy store. Let me tell you, I really don't sit and read peoples blogs, but something about yours caught my eye, maybe your adorable kids. Anyhow, what I have read has really given me strength and encouragement to carry on. I am a single mom myself with a mile high of struggles as well. Sometimes I want to give up, but like you I have faith in God and I know He is with me, and guiding me every step of the way, even when I don't feel it. This is the hardest position to be in, a single mom with no ex involvement, but in my case its sort of a blessing I feel. Just wanted to give you some encouragement back, your strength is amazing! By the way what do you do on ETSY?