Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Turning 36

In just a little over 4 hours I will be turning 36. I have been feeling good about this until this morning and I had a small panic moment. I am no longer in my early 30's I am in my my mid/late 30's. Whoa Nelly how did this happen. I don't really feel 36 ... I am not sure I look 36 ... and really it's not like 36 is old. I feel pretty darn good most days.

I started to feel better about turning 36 until I was on my way home from work. That 20 minute drive is just enough time to let my mind wander. Today it wandered down that yucky path I like to call Negativity Lane. I thought to myself ... I am going to be 36. I am single. I have 5 kids. What are the chances that I will find a good man? ... like a really good man. What are the chances I will get married before I am 40? I started to get down on myself and the chances that I will ever find anyone. Then I tuned back into the real world and heard the following lyrics blasting from my stereo ....

I welcome the sun,
the clouds and rain,
the wind that sweeps the sky clean
and lets the sun shine again.
this is the most magnificent life has ever been.
here is heaven and earth
and the brilliant sky in between.

blessed is this life
and I'm gonna celebrate being alive.

                                         ~Brett Dennen 

Why am I freaking out? I am a beautiful. I am strong. I am a pretty kick butt mom. Someone will come along and love me and my babies. :) If it doesn't happen before I turn 40 so be it. I've been single for four years ... what's another four.
36 you don't scare me. I am going to embrace you and squeeze every ounce of life out of you. The good and bad. Bring on the gray hairs (already found one this month). Bring on the wrinkles ... they won't be from crying, frowning or pouting they will be from the smiles and laughing.

I couldn't decide on just one quote to end my post tonight so I leave you with a few ...

Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been.  ~Mark Twain

How old would you be if you didn't know how old you were?  ~Satchel Paige



April said...

Happy very belated birthday!

Scott said...

Hi Shannon,

I'm going through a divorce and I also have 5 kids. They live with me full time here in wonderful Florida. I'd love to talk to you about your journey and struggles being alone with your 5. My email is fldadof5@gmail.com.

It would be nice to make friends with a single parent that also has 5 kid's!