Monday, December 28, 2009

6 months is way to long ...

It's been almost 6 months since I have written. I really wish that I could say that I was sitting down to write about how wonderful my life has been over these past 6 months and that is why I haven't written. Sadly I can not say that.

Not that there haven't been wonderful moments in the past 6 months. There has been. Right now looking back I see a ton of yuck.

What sucks more is that I really can not even write what is really bothering me right now. I want to say so many things but must figure things out before I open my mouth. I can't even say anything to the people around me and ask for advice or a hug. :(

I can write about the fact that in 7 days my home will be auctioned off to the highest bidder at the County Courthouse. Ten days later I will be homeless unless I come up with the money to move. Oh and a place to move to that I can afford. :( After 15 months of battling with the mortgage company I am officially losing my home to foreclosure. I keep praying that somehow some way a miracle will happen but it hasn't. I guess it's a miracle that I have even made it this far. Having a home to live in for the past 15 months.

Telling my kids the week before Christmas that this will be the last one for us in this house was one of the hardest things I have had to do as a parent. We have lived here 10 years. My boys were brought home from the hospital to this house. Besides living with their dad a few days a week this is their home. Their comfort place. Their safe place. And now it is being taken from them.

My depression is always bad at this time of year but losing my home and dealing with some other issues that can't be talked about ... I feel like I am being suffocated by it. On a good side note I am back in counseling and I love it. The woman I see is wonderful ... I found her 3 years ago around the time my dad died. She knows my current financial situation and is very kindly writing off part of my copayment each month just so I can see her. :)

*sigh* Man I have missed writing. I need to write more often as it really is healing to me and helps me release the good and bad. It gives me something to look back at and see how far I have made it. To remind myself I can make it through these times when another hard time comes along.

That is my rambling for tonight. Going to try to fix a sewing machine. Broke one last night :( Took it to the shop today. Pulled out my old one and will see if I can fix it so I can sew.

Write down the thoughts of the moment. Those that come unsought for are commonly the most valuable. ~Francis Bacon


T said...


We've missed you girl.

Sending you good vibes and lots of love.

MindyMom said...

Good to see you back!

Hugs to you and your kids.

That Girl said...

I'm sorry! :(