Sunday, March 7, 2010

Life is what we make it, always has been, always will be. ~Grandma Moses

I am doing everything in my power to snap out of the depression that has sucked me into its black hole. Last night I emailed the rest of my family and informed them that I would be adding a new member to the family. I was honest in all of my emails about how I was feeling about things. It was very hard for me to be that open and honest about my feelings but I am glad that I was.

I have not heard anything back from my brother and his wife. :( I know that emailing my family was probably not the best way to tell them all but I was struggling with telling them and just typing out an email took all of the courage I had. I wonder if they are upset or disappointed in me. I will in the next week if I do not hear from them.

My best friend of 20+ years was shocked but so extremely supportive that I of course cried. She is actually very excited for me and is already talking about a trip up to see me after the baby is born.

I feel as though I can breath a little deeper again now that I have let the secret out completely. :)

In case you missed my Smile post I mentioned there that I am having another daughter. I honestly could not be more pleased. I have always wanted a house full of boys but my girls have taught me so much and I can not wait to add another daughter to my family. :) This girly will be getting a very special name ... She is being named after my dad. Well ok she gets the girl version of his name. Danielle or Dani for short ... Since my dad died I knew that if I ever had another child it would have his name in some way be it a girl or a boy. :)

I am having a little trouble "bonding" with her. Silly I know as I am just pregnant but I am finding it hard to be excited. :( Still working on forgiving myself for getting into this situation. I am also struggling with the fact that I am once again alone during a pregnancy. My Ex wasn't a touchy feely loving type of husband while I was pregnant. Something I have always wanted.
I am working on all of this though ... I am not going to let my depression rob me of enjoying parts of this pregnancy or the birth.

I have been taking weekly pictures of my growing belly since I turned 10 weeks and it is helping me to be a little excited :) Oh and aren't my readers lucky they get to see my belly get bigger. The collage below is weeks 10 to 19. I try to get a picture every Sat night before I go to bed.

Wish that I could sit and write for hours but my bed is calling me to sleep. Something about being 35 and growing a baby inside of you that makes you just a little more tired than usual :)

You can clutch the past so tightly to your chest that it leaves your arms too full to embrace the present. ~Jan Glidewell


Student Mama said...

how beautiful and honest. = )

Karissa said...

Congratulations!! :)

Nappy Kitchen said...

"Something about being 35 and growing a baby inside of you that makes you just a little more tired than usual."

You can definitely shout that from the rooftops! LOL!