Saturday, January 24, 2009

The Jeans I can't let go of ...

Don't let my title fool you. I am not talking about a pair of jeans you wear or keep around for a year or so cause you want to fit in them again. I am talking about "The Jeans" that I can't walk away from. The Jeans is a man that I met a little over 2 years ago and fell hard for.

Our relationship has not been normal ... well what I think should be normal for "dating". Telling the story of The Jeans and the last two years will take a few posts I am sure. Basically he is my addiction ... I swear if he was a drug I would need some serious help. LOL Crap I might need some serious help anyways ;)

After not talking for about 5 months (busy lives and he moved 2 hours away) he started calling me and texting me again. We talked for over 2 hours on Christmas Eve as I wrapped my kids presents. I have made very little effort at contacting him ... as I have been trying to just move on. It kills me when he calls or texts. I get excited all over again like maybe just maybe this time he will confess his love for me (again ... a story to share later).

Well Thursday night I was asleep for maybe an hour when my phone rang. Scared the crap out of me as it was his ring tone and I thought it was like 5 in the morning. I didn't answer it fast enough as I was out of it. I started to call him back but then decided to text him. I asked him what was up and if he was ok. He said he was fine and that he had just left a friends house and was wondering what I was up to. We texted a few standard lines of junk and he asked if I was alone. I said that my kids were home and asked why. He wanted to know if I wanted a visitor.
AHHHHHH really are you kidding me right now?? I mentioned again my kids being home and he texts me with my weakness ... "Watch a movie with me and cuddle" He knows how much I love to do this with him. He was killing me and he knew it. He called me right after that text and he tells me that he is around the corner at his other place going through his stuff. We were just talking about random stuff and his phone died.
I am thinking that at this point I am good and safe from temptation. I am weak and I really want him to come over and cuddle with me. Any longer on the phone and I would say yes. I text him telling him to drive home safe if he is going and to call me later. Not expecting a response for awhile with his dead phone.
About 45 minutes later he is tapping on my window. I of course am like a freakin school girl all excited now. I let him in and we end up talking ... ok ok and doing a little kissing and cuddling until after 3 am. He wanted to stay and cuddle and dang it I wanted him to. So he did ... and I loved every minute of it.

This is a horrible post lol ... I am so chopping this kick ass night into a 10 minute blog when it totally deserves at least an hour and a lot of explaining about our past.

I am so very confused about this man and his feelings for me. We have not had a normal "dating" relationship at all. I think it started out as seeing each other and it was great until friends started calling us boyfriend and girlfriend and we both freaked out a bit. I then think it became like a Friends with Bennies type of relationship. I was told to go date and that he wouldn't mind if I was with someone else ... HA until I was with someone else and he freaked out and didn't talk to me. sigh

I have tried several times to walk away but I really can't there is like some strange pull on me. I feel so different with him. I can't think of anyone that has ever made me feel like he does. I can actually look in his eyes when we are talking or just laying there (I am talking about like looking deeply into his eyes and he the same ... like we are talking without words). I can tell him anything and not be afraid of rejection or feeling stupid. He knows secrets about me that no one else does. Sigh

How do I let go? Am I even supposed to let go?
He asked/told me on Thursday night I should move to where he lives ... 2 hours away from here. That threw me for a loop ... Why does he have to be so confusing??

Ahhh ok I am just really rambling at this point and I should be sleeping. I wish I had a few hours to sit and tel the story of The Jeans.

1 comment:

T said...

Girl.... welcome to The Soldier Story.

If you get, ya know, a whole DAY to read the Soldier Story label on my blog.... start at the oldest post and you will understand that you aren't the only with a strange pull from someone that you can't possibly figure out!!

I so know how you feel...