I'm here ... Really I am

I can't seem to catch a break the past few weeks. So after my post last Friday I was hoping my evening would be better. Heck I was hoping for a nice weekend. I did not get a nice Friday night and my weekend was confusing, painful and frustrating.

Trying to keep this all short as I have to get to sleep (which I don't seem to be getting enough of). Friday night I was going to meet Select Friend for a beer. I had 1 hour to talk with him and hang out before Mini-me needed my car to go do something. The kids were pushing each others buttons as I left the house but that is nothing new when I want to leave to do something by myself.

I was not even to the end of the street when Mini-me calls my cell crying and tells me that I have to come back right now. I ask why and she informs me that Little Mans head is bleeding all over. I wish I could say that I was very patient and calm but I was actually pissed off. I did my share of yelling at them.

When I walked in I found Mini-me and Little Man on the kitchen floor both crying. She was holding a wet wash cloth to his forehead. There was blood all over the floor, his hand and his shirt. Turtle was standing there looking helpless. I made the girls clean up the mess in the kitchen while I took Little Man into the bathroom to clean him up and see if a trip to Urgent Care was going to be needed. Of course it was going to be needed as that is my life. The Dr. did not stitch him up or even use liquid stitches (which I really wish he would of). No he used some tape and pinched it together and said that should do it. GRR Little Man has a good scar now right at the edge of his right eye brow.

So I guess what happened was Little Man wanted to call me right after I pulled out of the driveway. Mini-me was pissed at him so she "tossed" him the cell phone that was on the counter and it hit him in the face. Let's just say this mom does not believe that the phone was tossed and I let all of my kids know just how angry I was with them. Really I just wanted 1 hour of time with a friend to talk. It could of been worse ... so I will be thankful it wasn't. (I just reread the last few lines and I feel like a selfish mom in a way. Makes me sad.)

Saturday I ran away from home and went up to see The Jeans. (The kids were going to their dads for the night and for Easter.) I debated the entire week if I should go and see him. I am very confused and frustrated with the way things are going between us. This really is a story all in itself for another time. We spent a few short hours together before he left for work for the night. It was very weird to be in his place all by myself. My intention was to do my homework. I put it off until midnight as I was struggling with a paper I had to write. I cleaned his kitchen and made his bed instead. I am really good at procrastinating.

He came home from work the next morning and we talked for a bit and had a bit of fun. ;) Which left me feeling overwhelmed with emotions I was not ready for and could not handle. I left his house upset and crying. Driving home for 2 hours gave me a lot to think about. I am still not sure where we stand. However I do know that he cares enough to offer me money to pay my Emergency room visit co-pay.

Oh yes lucky me was home long enough to make the Easter ham and pull it out of the oven before I turned to Mini-me and told her that I needed to go to the Emergency room. I get UTI's and Kidney infections very easily. This one came on so fast and painful I literally thought I was dying. Only 45 minutes spent in the ER. Lots of good drugs to keep me out of work for 2 days.

Ahh I can't forget the mystery rash that appeared on Turtle on Sat. About an hour after I ran away Mini-me calls me and tells me that Turtle has a rash on her chest and her foot. I ask the usual questions what does it look like? What did she eat last? What soap did she use in the shower? (she had just taken one). Everything seemed normal and she was breathing fine. I told Mini-me to let the Ex know when he came to get them. Nothing I could do when I was already an hour away.

When I was leaving for the ER the Ex was dropping off the kids. I was floored when I saw that Turtle had a rash that covered her entire body including her face. She said it was not bothering here but I knew it meant she would be staying home on Monday (good thing I had a kidney infection and had to stay home). Took her to the Dr. on Monday to find out that she had a reaction to the Amoxicillian she was taking for the strep throat she had 10 days before. *sigh* Nine days into the medication before she had a reaction. She will not be taking that medication again.

So my work week was short as I missed Monday and Tuesday. It was crazy busy though and the kids at work were out of control. College sucks when you are sick. I managed to make it to my classes but don't remember much.

This being a single mom, working full time, and going to college thing is very time consuming. On top of all of that I am still working very hard on getting my house organized before my mom gets here. I keep reminding myself that I can do this and it will get easier. I just need to find a routine and I will be fine.

I am going to shut up now ... I really need to find a way to sleep. My mind is constantly going and I can't ever seem to shut it down. I hope to get more blogging time in this week. Really I have to blog ... to get the A grade in one of my classes I need to "journal" at least 2 times a week.

At the end of the day, a loving family should find everything forgivable. ~Mark V. Olsen and Will Sheffer, Big Love, "Easter"

Single Mom Math

3 kids with a major case of the Flu
+ 1 PMSing teenager
- 1 ex husband who can't help at all
= 1 Single Mom who wants to cry but has instead but on her "Soldier Mom" boots and keeps on trudging along.

Turtle was able to return to school yesterday with a bit of a cough still haunting her. Little Man and Little Bird are not doing so well. I went to work for an hour yesterday morning to explain to them what needed to be done for Exclusions (kids that dont have up to date immunizations are excluded from school) I came home and took care of my boys. At 4 o'clock Little Man hit 103.5 and worried me for 4 hours. He was halucinating that there were things on him and me. Crying and yelling in his sleep. Wouldn't even let me touch him to take his clothes off. Meanwhile Little Bird hit just over 102 and stayed there until the middle of the night when he hit 103. :( Poor Little Bird took some Motrin at 730 and drank some water then puked it right back up.

Sadly this mom had to go to work. The oh so wondferul Ex could not miss a day of College so Mini-me missed a day of High School to take care of her brothers for me. Came home on my lunch were Little Bird had me carry him to the bathroom to pee for the first time in 24 hours. He proceeds to puke again .... the little water he had in him. He refuses to drink or eat anything. Called the Dr. right then and made an appt. Went back to work ... feeling like I was failing at being a mom. Reminded myself while I was at work that I was still being a good mom. I was just multi-tasking.

Left work to rush home and get Little Bird and take him to the Dr. Little Mans fever returned but is managable. He cries cause he does not want to be left with Mini-me who is major PMSing. I hear my heart break just a little more for the day and I leave with Little Bird. Dr tells me that if Little Bird can't get some fluids into him tonight and start peeing that he needs to come back tomorrow for blood work. On the way home Little Bird coughs and then proceeds to puke all over the seats. Just one of the many reasons I love having leather seats in my car. I call Mini-me and ask her to meet me outside with a towel and the Clorox wipes so I can clean up the car.

Taking this moment to get this all out before I run to Wal-Mart to get Pedialyte and another really cheap movie as we have watched all of the ones we own. The Ex did take Turtle last night but only cause she did not have a fever anymore. Is it wrong that I hope she coughs on him and his girlfriend and makes them sick and they have to miss school and work? LOL Just trying to keep a sense of humor in all of this. :)

Every survival kit should include a sense of humor. ~Author Unknown

When the kids are sick and its the exs night

I am so ANGRY right now!! Twice in the last week I have either had to walk away from a fight with My Ex or I had to hang up the phone on him. GRRR

So I asked to have the kids back a day early(Wed instead of Thurs) last week so I could do something special with them. Of course My Ex agreed as he is always complaining he doesnt't have time to do his homework when he has the kids. During the evening while hanging out with my kids Turtle complained of not feeling very good. My mom heart told me that she would be staying home from school the next day. Sure enough she had a temp of 101 Thursday morning. I sadly had to go to work and leave my Turtle at home. I sent My Ex a text to let him know that she would be home Thursday and Friday from school. I have a strict rule in my house that you must be fever free 24 hours before returning to school. My Ex who is in school and gets done with classes by noon could not stop by either day and check on Turtle. He could only make a phone call to her once each day to make sure she was ok. I on the other hand came home on my lunch Thursday and called a billion times. Friday I could not come home as I give my car to Mini-me. I called Turtle every 2 hours and made her take her temp.

On Sat. Turtle did not have a fever and we all went to dinner. By Sunday morning her fever was back full force and she spent most of the day in bed. I should state that she also has a very lovely cough and now a gunkified nose issue. We skipped Church as I felt guilty leaving her home alone again. Around noon as I was getting ready to leave to do some shopping Little Man wanted to shower. When he got out he proceeded to put on footie jammies and wrap himself in a blanket. *sigh* I knew right then and there what was happening. Took his temp and he was at 102. :(
Mini-me watched Turtle and Little Man while Little Bird and I went and did our shopping.

I sent a text to My Ex after I took Little Mans temp. I let him know that now 2 of the kids were sick. I did not expect a response back as I knew that he and his girlfriend went away for the weekend but it still angers me that he could not take 5 minutes to call. Here it is Monday afternoon ... 24 hours later and I finally get a text from him. His text said he would be here at 5 to get them. I didn't respond and I didn't tell the kids to pack their bags. I knew what was coming next ... it is the same thing that happened a few weeks ago. He calls me to ask how the kids are doing. I tell him that Little Man has a fever and that both he and Turtle have coughs. He asks if they are going to school tomorrow and I tell him no. Again are you kidding me?? They are SICK!!! Before he could even ask I said I would just keep them. He does not want them when they are sick. Doesn't see any point in bringing the cold to his and his girlfriends house for them or her daughter to get when they can just stay home here tomorrow. GRRRR How about loving your kids and taking care of them???

He could tell I was upset and he tried to explain to me that it was the best thing to do. I told him that he was missing my point. That I have been with sick kids for 5 days as a SINGLE parent but he would never know anything about that as he won't take the kids when they are sick and he wouldn't have to do it alone cause he has a girlfriend by his side to take care of things. He told me he would get Little Bird tomorrow. I told him that I would let the kids know he won't be coming to get them. I could hear that he was letting girlfriend listen to me which annoys the heck out of me. I told him I would take care of the kids and hung up on him.

I must say I am not jealous of his girlfriend or the fact that he has a relationship. I am just pissed that he never has to be a Single parent. He never takes them if they are sick. He does not pay the Co-pays. Never has to get the Motrin or cough medicine. He does not worry about them all night or get up when they cough, cry or moan out of feverish pain.

With in minutes he texts me that he really does want to help. Oh yeah I felt that help over the last 5 days. He now wants to come get Little Bird and he wants to bring the other kids some food and entertainment. I did not respond so he called the kids phone. Turtle told him not to bring anything. She told him they would be fine.

Of course Little Bird is upset. He told Mini-me that he wasn't sick and why couldn't he go. :( I should probably let him go but I am thinking Ex just texted that to me to act nice and that Little Bird will have a fever by the morning. He is acting a bit cranky and it seems strange but that is what my Mom heart is telling me.

I know that I should not be this upset. I should be happy that I get more time with my kids even if they are sick. I honestly know that they will be better taken care of here with me even while I am gone at work tomorrow than they would be at their dads. I just keep telling myself that one day my kids will look back and see that I put them before everything while their dad put them last. And even if they don't see that at least it gets me through moments like these. ;)

Each day of our lives we make deposits in the memory banks of our children. ~Charles R. Swindoll, The Strong Family

A quickie

Question of the day:
Why can't I post to my own comment area??
This is driving me bonkers ... I wanted to post a comment in my own comment box and it won't let me. :( Do I need to be logged out?
Anyone?

Taxes are done!!! Praying that they sail through with out issues and I have my money by the end of the month.

My head is full of snot and I can't breath through my nose. Not sure you all needed to know that but I like to share things like this with others. This is not related to the migraine yesterday ... I've been fighting this cold since Sunday.

Work was better today minus my lame comment see below. ;)

Actually today was way better in general ... I did lots of laughing.

"A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the doctor's book" ~Irish Proverb

With that said I am going to bed